To be utterly fucked off that MIL has put her foot in it

[Slarti]

MIL bought DS9 and DS4 new bikes for Christmas. Well, it would be more accurate to say she paid for new bikes. She got her son (my BIL) to actually make the purchase (fair enough as he gets a discount) and then asked me to collect them from the shop yesterday (not something I was chuffed about as I had a million and one things to do, had to borrow a car as mine was in the garage, and didn't have anywhere to hide them at ours). Ended up taking them to my DM's who is bringing them up later today along with her own presents.

MIL has just been round and told us how disappointed she is that the bikes weren't here when DS9 and DS4 woke up. I told her she should have brought them herself then. Honestly I wasn't in the mood to be made to feel like I'd done something wrong when I'd actually done more with her gifts than she had. She replied "I didn't want them to be from me, I wanted them to be from Father Christmas." DS9 looked up at her a bit WTF - he has had a few moments of doubt this winter but last night and this morning was fully enthralled in the magic, and now she's just dropped that clanger. Unphased she simply pointed at DS4 who was oblivious to it all as he was playing with his new toys and said "He doesn't know." Oh, well that's alright then if you've only given it away for one child.

I took her to one side and reminded her that DS9 still believed and to try not to give the game away. Her reply was "well he'll have to find out soon." Not your fucking decision though is it?!

So AIBU to be utterly fucked off with her attitude and her quite possibly giving the game away to DS9. I'm aware that he was having doubts and that this may have been his last year of believing so I may be a bit U but if anything that made me want to savour the magic even longer and I've got that WTF look of his playing through my head and feel like my heart broke a little bit seeing it.

tl;dr

MIL ruined Christmas

I think she was inconsiderate, but the bigger issue appears that you really don't like her.

VeryBitchy, not mine, I still want them here when they are 25

Ah, you say that now, Cherry...

I would agree she has spoilt this Christmas (magic). Silly woman, hopefully you will get a few more years out of him. I would tell her how disappointed I was in her for spoiling the magic.

Twelve year olds believe? 😂 oh dear. Unless they have SN I simply don't believe that. They're playing the parents.

You sound very ungrateful and rude to your Mil. I'm shocked at the fact that people can be so horrible how they talk about others. Especially someone kind enough to buy their children new bikes. I would be more worried about your dc growing up learning such bad manners than finding out about father Christmas.

I get it, OP.

Your MIL is throwing her toys out of the pram because her presents were given to the children in the way she 'imagined' they would be .... imagined because she didn't do any of the work of getting the presents, putting together the presents, or delivering the presents, or relaying who she wanted them to be from (Santa). But she's inadvertently threatening to ruin the magic for a 9 year old in her snit, and that's just wrong.

Have her son, your DH, tell her that in future she can sort out her own gifts for the DC.

I agree, cherrycrumblecustard - it seems as if a lot of the people who go on about 'keeping the magic' are doing it for their own enjoyment, more than their children's. Which is their choice, but I do think most older children who 'believe' are only playing along. I did, for years, because when I said I didn't believe, aged 6, I was told I wouldn't get any more presents then (and since I knew presents were from parents, it was a plausible threat!)

I don't agree with 'keeping children children for as long as possible' either. A 5-year-old believing in Santa is developmentally appropriate. At 10 (or 12, 13...) it does seem odd and I think that if they genuinely still believe there has been some very clever and convincing deception by parents and/or a surprising lack of critical thinking.

Well my 45 year old soon has never told me he doesn't believe any more but I suspect he has figured it out. I think sometimes children play the game to please parents. Most kids I know/knew seem to figure it out about 7 or 8, I know we never admitted we didn't believe anymore in case the presents stopped. Gradually it was just assumed that we knew, there was no big reveal.

I think you dropped the bikes round at your mums out of spite actually. You obviously don't like MIL. There was nowhere for one night that you could Store them?

She's not ruined Christmas but she's been a complete dick. The worst part isn't the slip up-these things can happen. It's the trying to cover it up by being rude. She should be able to acknowledge she's made a mistake and apologise-not try and justify it

How very ungrateful you sound

I think you dropped the bikes round at your mums out of spite actually. You obviously don't like MIL. There was nowhere for one night that you could Store them?

Out of spite? Really, how on earth have you jumped to that conclusion? Without knowing us or the house we live in you've divined that we do actually have somewhere to store them after all.

Have her son, your DH, tell her that in future she can sort out her own gifts for the DC.

Her daughter, my DW. It's not really something I want to drag on tbh. She came in, created a bit of drama and left, and I'd rather it was left at that now because it isn't going to solve anything, only create more drama. I've no doubt at all that her intentions are great, she loves her grandkids and is always thinking of them, she just has a habit of getting fatigued halfway through a nice gesture and having someone else finish it off. Annoying, yes, but usually nothing more. When she waltzes in and starts criticising us on Xmas Day though it's a bit much! At the time I was fairly frazzled from the last few hectic days and to be told that I'd not presented her presents correctly rather fucked me off. The Santa gaff sent me over the edge.

OP, you're lucky you didn't get an absolute pasting for saying 'ruined'. Another OP did, most unfairly, for something very similar on her thread, it was completely hijacked. Just shows how inconsistent MN is.

You're not being unreasonable for wanting to keep the magic alive for your children, of course not. Was your MIL aware of how important this is/was for you? It sounds as if you don't have much thought for your MIL and don't like her much, hence her dropping this clanger.

I suppose she thought that, as she was doing a generous thing providing the cash for a lovely present, you would have been glad to sort out the mechanics of it.

If you didn't want to do that, or if you didn't think the children would love getting the bikes, you could have simply told her explicitly that it wasn't somthing you wanted to spend time on.

People make such burdens for themselves, and such pretexts for anger with their relatives, by failing to communicate.

I simply do not buy that a normal intelligent child able reason and use logic believe in FC past 10. Parents go so over the top with this MAGIC they set their children up for such a fall.

YABU

what is this magic thing? IS IT REAL?

If you didn't want to do that, or if you didn't think the children would love getting the bikes, you could have simply told her explicitly that it wasn't somthing you wanted to spend time on.

It's a lovely gift that the children will enjoy. That doesn't stop it being a PITA to be told on Christmas Eve that the bikes are still at the shop and that MIL isn't prepared to collect them or give them to the children.

I agree, cherrycrumblecustard - it seems as if a lot of the people who go on about 'keeping the magic' are doing it for their own enjoyment, more than their children's.

That's the conclusion I come to from every single MN thread about Father Christmas. Sad really.

I think it was nice of her to try to organise bikes for them. I also understand her not realising a nine year old still believed in Santa. Are you sure he's not just going along with that, because most of his mates will know and it would be unusual for a kid of this age to still believe.

If he does, fair enough but it would be unusual for him to believe in Santa for much longer. I'm simply bemused none of his class mates took this piss and ruined it for him. So I really wouldn't let your heart break over this.

Yanbu

But - just asking - if you weren't intending to pretend they were from Father Christmas, why did they have to be hidden at all? Seems unnecessarily complicated!

You aren't selfish, a cow or brattish. What horrible comments. Whatever happened to the Christmas spirit??

You sound more overwrought to me, something I am sometimes prone to being too. Christmas is far from ruined. Have some and chill rather than fret. Make nothing more of it and just enjoy your children's excitement when they do get the bikes.

Happy Christmas. Relax a bit more.

Well where are you storing the bikes now that they own them?

The MIL bought lovely gift, ok, people (family!) had to do some stuff to ensure it happened but isn't that what families do, enable one another - YABU on that front

The Father Christmas thing - YANBU. I'm continually trying to create the magic for DD age and DD age 8 whilst he says things like 'who is doing the elf tonight' loudly, or what are you buying from the list today?? WITHIN THEIR HEARING!!! Totally fucks me off. Especially when the biggest kid is him.

So, your MIL has just bought your children two expensive bikes and rather than be grateful, you are angry with her . Merry Christmas!