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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is my mums fault and DBros gf shouldnt be sulking at me?

178 replies

FloralBarbourCoat · 24/12/2016 14:04

Mum, Dad, Dbro and GF arrived for Christmas last night.

Me and DH found out we are expecting number two this week. We wanted to surprise Dad and MIL with a special present tomorrow and needed Mum to help so I told her last night before dinner.

At dinner DBro and his GF handed me, Mum and Dad a Christmas card with a baby scan in it- so she has announced she is pregnant.

Mum then gets overexcited and blurts out that she can expect two grandchildren next year. Cue serious face from me- and DBro GF who feels like I have stolen her thunder as Mum and Dad who are genuinley happy for Dbro and GF- do seem happier for us as we have had a really shit year (FIL passing away, moving away and all the shit we get from MIL, DHs depression and the first couple of months this year were a bit bumpy financially) plus its a massive surprise as it took us 2 years to concieve with DD so the fact we have fallen pregnant without even trying has been a massive surprise to us all. Naturally while MIL congratulated DBro/GF she is obviously more excited about her own biological grandchild.

Anyway DBro GF got up from the table in tears. Everyone just looked awkward until DH said to DBro I think you should go and make sure shes OK (hes one of those awkward types Hmm). DBro does so and comes back 10 minutes later to say that he and GF would be leaving and spending Christmas elsewhere.

Mum and Dad have managed to convince them to stay- but theres an incredibly bad atmosphere. DBro GF wont even look at me never mind talk to me despite my efforts.

DH has suggested we go for a walk/quick drink with DD for a few hours as im getting quite upset about it.

I do understand why DBro GF is upset but Aibu to think it isnt my fault?!

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 24/12/2016 22:32

The GF wasn't a brat at all. They will have been planning this moment for weeks, her hormones are all over the place and instead of folk being happy for her they couldn't give a toss but get all excited for the OP. I'd have been hurt too. And who is to say they haven't been trying for ages?

Poor woman is in for some fun and games with her MIL, but at least she's got time to process her child will always play second fiddle.

lilyb84 · 24/12/2016 22:37

I don't think YABU but both mums need to make a bit more fuss of your SIL to make up for it - the announcement was obviously a big deal for her and your brother, and it sounds like their plans went awry with the leaked news of your pregnancy.

Maybe her reaction was ott but do you know for sure she hasn't also.had trouble ttc, or suffered any mc? People are very quick to judge precious behaviour but for someone to start crying and leave the table it sounds like there might be something more to it than just a strop over not being the centre of attention...

Either way I hope you all manage to smooth things over. Congrats on your own happy news but in the spirit of Christmas and keeping the peace maybe you could do your best to shift as much attention to your SIL's pregnancy as possible? Could you take her aside, have a shared rolling-eyes moment at your mum's and MIL's behaviour then just ask her loads of questions about the pregnancy and how excited she must be? As a first timer she'll probably have lots to say 🙂

BoneyBackJefferson · 24/12/2016 22:41

So the SiL, is a spoilt brat, an idiot and a drama queen for wanting this to be special and getting essentially nothing off her DH/P's family.

FFS

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 24/12/2016 22:55

No she isn't a spoilt brat, nor is she sulking. This is her pfb, as has previously been stated she & DB have probably been planning that announcement for ages- the moment was completely wrecked, I actually feel for her.

Italiangreyhound · 24/12/2016 23:18

Is having a baby all about the depth of one's announcement? Honestly. She is having a baby, how great. We do not know exactly what was said (unless I have missed that!!).

Could the OP not complain her reveal was spoilt by her DB's GF? But she hasn't't.

She told her mum not knowing that the GF was pregnant.

It is not her fault her mum blurted it out. And that is an accident, so not on purpose.

MistresssIggi · 24/12/2016 23:25

Why is OP no more annoyed with her mum? She had no business revealing this - and making it clear she knew before the mil or father too - but she's not at fault the first-time pg young woman is? None of us know just how much or how little she was actually congratulated/talked to compared to the OP. Maybe she is a drama lama or maybe she was treated disgracefully at a very important moment.
Awaiting a confusing update from OP.

MistresssIggi · 24/12/2016 23:26

Could the OP not complain her reveal was spoilt by her DB's GF? But she hasn't
I suspect there is a reason for that Greyhound, she may have enjoyed it!

GraceGrape · 24/12/2016 23:47

This is a very strange thread.

Firstly, the OP was perfectly comprehensible, I can't see why people are being rude about that.

DM was tactless, but sometimes people get caught up in the excitement of a moment and don't think.

I think the girlfriend is being unreasonable. As PP said, why is the baby announcement such a big deal? Surely the being pregnant bit is what's important. However, pregnancy hormones can really screw with your emotions so if she isn't normally unreasonable I'd put it down to that and go for a chat with her. She'll probably feel like she's overreacted in the morning and you can be pleased for each other.

MouseLove · 24/12/2016 23:49

Of course she's feeling like her announcement is invalid. You have no idea of how long their TTC journey is or the things they might have been through to get to this point. This announcement might have been planned for months. I'm guessing this is their first baby?? Can you put yourself in her shoes? Of course MiL needs to apologise firstly but I can see why the gf feels gutted.

You mention biological grandchildren. I'm not sure why? Won't her child be a biological grandchild? I'm confused on that one.

I would personally go and take the gf for a walk and a chat, tell her your sorry mil stole her thunder but you are sooo happy for them, and that you understand all the emotions that are probably running around in her head. That your happy you are doing this together.

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2016 01:25

Mouse how can someone else being pregnant invalidate another person being pregnant? Answer, it cannot.

"
You mention biological grandchildren. I'm not sure why?" Because the OP is talking about her MIL, who is related to her own DH (by being his mum) but is not related in any way to the OP's brother or her girlfriend.

Of course all children are biological it's just the OP's mother won't be related to the OP's niece/nephew.

But i do agree with your advice, a walk and a chat would be useful.

Chapter34 · 25/12/2016 02:59

Mum then gets overexcited and blurts out that she can expect two grandchildren next year. Cue serious face from me

Followed by, "No mum this isn't our moment. Congratulations dobro and gf! Wow your going to be parents. Congratulations. How are you feeling? Any sickness?" Etc etc....

I'm guessing not.
Hmm

DoosyFartlek · 25/12/2016 03:03

An announcement can be nerve wracking.

BabySnores · 25/12/2016 07:41

Yanbu but your parents are for seeming happier for you rather than equally so. You may have had a bad year but so may your db and sil. Even if they havent they should have just been pleased about both babies equally and you sil probably feels her dc is second class.

I do wonder if this is a case of sibling favouritism and this is just the final straw for db and sil.after all db obviously agrees with his wife or wouldn't have said about leaving. I have a friend who is db news and life always trumps hers. The favouritism is obvious and I could see this type of post coming from her db who doesn't have a clue.

DeepanKrispanEven · 25/12/2016 07:57

Chapter34, it's very easy to compose the ideal response from behind a keyboard - not so easy when the situation has just been sprung on you out of the blue.

TheNaze73 · 25/12/2016 08:32

YANBU. I hope you bought princess tippy toes, a bloody grip for Christmas

HateSummer · 25/12/2016 08:46

Congratulations, but you should've been happy and excited for your brother and gf and stopped your mil and mum from "acting happier" for you. It's not a competition you know. I think you seem to be validating your mum and mil's actions by your long sob story about your shitty year. Again, it's not a competition. Go and talk to your bro's gf and clear the air.

Chapter34 · 25/12/2016 08:58

DeepanKrispanEven I agree. But if the response was less than that on behalf of OP then instead of feeling so righteous she could consider looking at herself and wondering if she could help to make the gf feel a bit better after her treatment from op DM etc.

Marynary · 25/12/2016 10:34

Firstly, the OP was perfectly comprehensible, I can't see why people are being rude about that.

Not really. She states at the beginning that her Mum, Dad, Dbro and GF are there which doesn't make it clear that her MIL is also there. Some people are therefore confused.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/12/2016 10:57

Italiangreyhound

I suspect that its not an invalidation of the pregnancy but the feeling afterwards that (from the OP) everyone is happier for the OP.

I also don't believe that people should have to pretend that everything is ok, just to appease others. how many fucked up golden child, MiL, abuse threads often start that way?

showmetheminstrels · 25/12/2016 23:03

Fucking hell.

Can I have a diagram please?

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2016 00:01
showmetheminstrels · 26/12/2016 00:39

Boney am crying 😂😂😂

ClarissaDarling · 26/12/2016 08:52

boney I was hoping for finally understanding, but this is MUCH better!!

biggles50 · 26/12/2016 11:20

Send them a card congratulating them on the pregnancy, say you're looking forward to shopping together and for the cousins to be good friends. Slip in that you're aware that her moment was hijacked but hope it won't spoil your future relationship, lots of love etc. Smooth it over and congratulations to you.

manhowdy · 26/12/2016 12:51

I really don't understand the fuss over pregnancy announcements. Does anyone really give that much of a shit about someone else's pregnancy? Surely the mum and dad to be are the only really interested parties at the early stage.

Birth announcements sure but, pregnancy? Pfffft.