To think this is my mums fault and DBros gf shouldnt be sulking at me?

[FloralBarbourCoat]

Mum, Dad, Dbro and GF arrived for Christmas last night.

Me and DH found out we are expecting number two this week. We wanted to surprise Dad and MIL with a special present tomorrow and needed Mum to help so I told her last night before dinner.

At dinner DBro and his GF handed me, Mum and Dad a Christmas card with a baby scan in it- so she has announced she is pregnant.

Mum then gets overexcited and blurts out that she can expect two grandchildren next year. Cue serious face from me- and DBro GF who feels like I have stolen her thunder as Mum and Dad who are genuinley happy for Dbro and GF- do seem happier for us as we have had a really shit year (FIL passing away, moving away and all the shit we get from MIL, DHs depression and the first couple of months this year were a bit bumpy financially) plus its a massive surprise as it took us 2 years to concieve with DD so the fact we have fallen pregnant without even trying has been a massive surprise to us all. Naturally while MIL congratulated DBro/GF she is obviously more excited about her own biological grandchild.

Anyway DBro GF got up from the table in tears. Everyone just looked awkward until DH said to DBro I think you should go and make sure shes OK (hes one of those awkward types ). DBro does so and comes back 10 minutes later to say that he and GF would be leaving and spending Christmas elsewhere.

Mum and Dad have managed to convince them to stay- but theres an incredibly bad atmosphere. DBro GF wont even look at me never mind talk to me despite my efforts.

DH has suggested we go for a walk/quick drink with DD for a few hours as im getting quite upset about it.

I do understand why DBro GF is upset but Aibu to think it isnt my fault?!

So, was it your parents, MIL (DH's mum), brother, his girlfriend, dh and you?

It's not her mum who is happier for them because it's her biological grandchild - it's her MiL who has no biological link to her daughter in law's brother!

She's being a little sensitive, but you are being silly. What's all this about it being natural and normal her being more excited about your child? He is her child just as much as you are. Very odd, and you should not be normalising/encouraging it.

The OP's mum blurted out about OP being pregnant

OP's MIL (OP's DH's mum) is also there and , completely understandably, is more excited about her own son and his wife having a baby than she is about her son's wife's brother having one.

Apologies, my mistake. I got confused between which mum was gushing about which baby. Congratulations & have a good Christmas.

I think it's appalling that the poor woman announced her pregnancy and your Mother made it plain she was happier for you. Your Mum
has seriously damaged her relationship with the GF, your brother and probably that baby.

It's not your fault but I would have thought that you could have done some damage limitation at the table rather than allow the focus to be on you.

My sympathies are with your FB and his girl I'm afraid. From her perspective the family just labelled her baby as second class.

What a miserable Christmas for them.

Me and my sil got pregnant at similar times and it was lovely. I was 2 months behind her. It was never competitive and our girls are best friends. Mil never made me feel like she was more excited for sil either. She was pleased for both of us. I think you need to talk to the girlfriend on her own and explain that you are delighted to be becoming an aunt and apologise on your mums behalf.

stickerrocks or time to take a lesson in basic literacy, eh?

But yeah, your mum shouldn't have said anything.

Biological Grandchild?

How is her son's child less biological than he daughter's?

Ah ok right.
Well, naturally she would be more excited about her own grandchild, but I hope she didn't announce the fact, go on about it or start talking about your pregnancy straight away? It must of been a bit of a blow to her excited plans of the big announcement. She was over dramatic though!

Ah, cross post with stickers apology

MIL is OP's mother in law. She has blood link to OP's DBro.

Op your mum needs to sort this out. It isn't your fault.

So both your MIL (for obvious reasons) and your mum are happier for you than your SIL.

Both mums were crowing about your pregnancy and stile GF moment.

I don't blame her for being upset. But the two mums need to apologise to her and you need to stop being smug about your mum favouring you.

Sorry if that is harsh but that is how I read the OP

Go and find her, ideally on her own/just with DB and say you are sorry her thunder was stolen, you are a little upset that your Mum just announced your news like that as you hadn't planned to tell everyone last night and you hope she's not too upset that both of you have ended up with your pregnancy annoucements being messed up. Then say on the bright side, how lovely for 2 cousins to be so close in age, they'll be so close etc.

Then leave her to stew. If she doesn't come round, then really it's only a sign that long term she's going to be a bloody nightmare - someone who thinks the most important part of being pregnant is how much attention they get is not the sort of person you really want to be giving too much headspace too.

I'll join you on that literacy class stickerrocks

I think your mum was bloody horrible. My mother has played favourites with her children and grandchildren all her life. It's shit and hurtful. I'm not surprised they left.

Well, that clarifies the "biological" bit then.

It's not acceptable for a mother to play favourites. You need to apologise and say you can't believe mum announced your pregnancy early

stole GFs moment

Dinosaur's plan is a good one.

For pps getting confused, I read it as BOTH the OP's mother and her MIL are there. OP's mother has two new gc on the way - OP's and the gf's. MIL is only related to the OP's baby and is therefore naturally more excited about her own new gc.

OP, cut your DB's gf some slack, pregnancy hormones do make some of us overreact. Once the dust has settled a bit she'll feel a bit silly and realise you're not to blame for the way the spotlight shifted.

It's confusing, but that's not what happened.

People present:
OP
OP's husband
OP's brother
OP's brother's partner
OP's MIL
OP's Mother

I find it odd that OP's brother and his partner chose those circumstances to start telling people they are expecting a baby, even without knowing that OP is pregnant. Why not wait till they had just OP and their mum there? Nobody could have expected OP's MIL to be as interested.

I'm also out of synch with the idea of 'announcing' a pregnancy. I'm in my 50s and in my day we just told people. No Facebook then, of course. As for the idea of being so upset not to be the centre of attention that you would think of packing to go home instead of spending Christmas with family.... well, words fail me. I know it's a massive deal when it's your first pregnancy (I can remember it vividly from my own first pregnancy) but you surely have to understand that it's not going to be that big a deal to everyone else you meet.