He doesn't believe in marriage

[sugarplumnight]

I've been dating a lovely man for a few months. He's wonderful, we get on really well, and it's getting to the stage where we are getting serious.

However he has told me last week that he doesn't want to get married, ever. He never has been, and he's 35 (I'm 25) At first this didn't bother me, but as I've thought about it more seriously I think I would like to marry someone eventually, and I think I would be disappointed to have to rule it out indefinitely.

So the question is AIBU to be re-thinking the whole (nearly) relationship? I really like him, I just don't know if this is going to be an issue. I'm not dead-set on marriage, and he might change his mind, but

What are the legal protections I'm missing out on then? I have a will and own half of my house.

Since you are the higher income is he going to be the sahp?

Whatever you do don't do the wifework.

No ring= no laundry service!

Euphemia's link covers some of them pees, though doesn't go into much detail about eg inheritance tax and intestacy provisions. Though I wouldn't use the term 'missing out' because they may not be relevant to you. So eg the ability of one partner to unilaterally change their will to exclude the other, with minimal ability to challenge, might be an advantage to you rather than a disadvantage. Depends on circumstances. Or if you own sod all, benefitting from your spouse's unused IHT nil rate band is irrelevant, in a way that it won't be if your unmarried partner dies and you own a 450k house together. This is why people need to be informed.

Life is WAY too short to be with anyone who is not on the same page as you. You're 25. There are billions of men out there. This guy is telling you who he is. LISTEN TO HIM. Don't sell yourself short. Move on before you start getting into the fallacy of sunken costs.

Shouldn't be a bloody laundry service with you do have the ring either!

'If someone tells you who they are listen'

IMO, if you think you ever might want to get married, no matter how unsure you are now, he is not the one for you. Marriage is not one of the things he wants to do. Whatever the reason for his decision.

I am really finding it amusing that so many people on this thread can't just accept that some people don't want to get married and that's that's a valid choice. And that you can still want commitment/joint finances/houses etc. MN is hilarious for when men saying they don't want to get married that woman get hysterical saying "he will marry somebody else you know!", he is not committee at all to you", "clearly he will never love you" and so on.
I find the responses so stereotypical!!

Oh and I've read all the citizens advice stuff and am perfectly protected by living together, thank you. Like I said up thread, I've made it my business to ensure I would not lose out

Well, let's hope nothing unexpected happens to you eh Oly.

Yes Oly but MOST women want to get married including the op!

I don't

Why do they? Would love to know.

Pees, can you really not think why women want to get married?

I suspect you just want to pick holes in the reasoning so here you go:

• for religious reasons
• it's romantic
• it's a public declaration of love and committment saying - this is my partner for life, they come first and I'm no longer available to the rest of you
• children will feel more secure
• for legal protection

But mainly - why wouldn't you? If it means nothing to you, but something to your partner, wouldn't you do it? If not, why?

I am not religious
I don't think it's romantic
I don't need to prove to anyone else that I love someone, they know I do.
Why do my children feel insecure? They know more married people who have separated than those who are not.
Still not sure what would legally change.

You all sound like desperate women who can't survive without men and must trap them, which is why I'm not married. I still think it's outdated and will not exist in the future except for religious people.

Having said that, I would consider it if my partner was desperate too but would question why it was so important to them and whether they felt insecure in our relationship.

pees, this thread is not about you.

I don't criticise you for not being married, please don't criticise those of us who have made a different choice.

(And by the way, your vitriol makes it sound as if you're in denial).

It's the usual chicken and the egg situation - I WOULD feel insecure if someone WOULDNT marry me.

And if marriage is just a piece of paper to you then what's the big deal.

Yeah, the person knows you love them. But what about society? How are they to know that you're not just shacked up and shagging and that your husband is fair game? And how are they to know that for example, he is your next of kin in a hospital situation?

But have you made a choice? Or are you just blindly following a path that you think you should because it's been that way for so long.
I am not in denial I assure you. My partner once asked me to marry him, I said no. He was relieved.

Oh no ! Society might think my partner is up for a shag? We don't do that to each other, I don't get what that even means.

Well your partner didn't know you very well then did he?

I'm not blindly following anything. It was important enough to me, as a then 32 year old woman with my own house, car and career, that I walked away from a one year relationship when he told me he would never marry me. He wanted to stay together but only on his terms (ie he didn't want to be tied in).

I can assure you that, for me, it was nothing to do with having a big wedding.

Anyway, I'm sure there must be things we should be getting on with.

Whether you are married, unmarried, single, cohabiting or whatever you are, have a lovely Christmas.

AND BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

Happy Christmas Chicken

You're 25 and have only been with him a few months. If you like him and aren't wanting children right now then if it was me I'd just accept it and carry on. If in a couple of years you're still together and it bothers you then it would be an issue then.