AIBU to send Christmas card back to DM with not known at this address

[Jessesbitch]

DM has sent a Christmas card to Mr & Mrs Hisname. I don't use his name and I've told her countless times not to do this. She says she's just being respectful to him. But she's disrespecting me! The kids have my name too. Aghhhhh.

YANBU.

YANBU

Why don't he just change his name to yours?

Send it back.

It depends if your principle is more important than your relationship? I would view it as passive aggressive and rude.

YANBU

I see (and agree with) your point but I wouldn't do this myself.

Not at Christmas.

YANBU drives me mad too, but what lougle said

I wont do it. But will have to tell her yet again not to do this. 15+ years!

I'd do it, she's being rude to you and obviously disagrees with your choices. Would drive me bonkers.

I would view it as passive aggressive and rude.

OP is not the PA rude one in this scenario!

I see your point, but it's a pain having to write two different names on every card. I usually just write first names with the address.

I've double barrelled my surname with DHs. This has led to a variety of ways of addressing cards to us - some people with just our first names, some with Mr and Mrs My surname and some with Mr and Mrs His Surname. I really don't mind. I suppose people like putting Mr and Mrs

It depends if your principle is more important than your relationship? I would view it as passive aggressive and rude

^^That.

I'm not even fucking Mrs I'm Dr!!

Not as bad as Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname. We don't share surnames. So I don't feature at all!

It must be irritating but I really don't see that it matters that much. If you feel such a tiny principle as writing on an envelope is more important than your relationship with your mother then go ahead.

I can understand why you are annoyed if you don't use his name. I'm the opposite and use my husbands name, but if someone used my maiden name instead that would upset me. I even get annoyed if some own uses miss or ms instead of Mrs as my title tbh.
I know it's not really that big a deal, but it's principle. You should be called whatever title and name you prefer

Dr here too Jessesbitch. I think some people do it deliberately. Only thing is whether you want to make a stand. I don't. Not worth my while over a card.

I can see how this is annoying but is it honestly worth letting her get a rise of off you about it?

God jesse that's even worse that mrs isn't even your title. People don't do these kind of things to men do they??

I have kept my maiden name but DM does this all the time. I think she likes to think of us happy and settled as a "unit", gives her a buzz to write mr and mrs. I have given up telling her. My friends get it right and it's not worth the angst. YANBU but, to my mind, there are bigger battles. That she doesn't acknowledge your being a dr would really grate on me though!!

Customs have changed over the years and your DM is not keeping up. Yes, she's in the wrong, but you can choose how you react and respond, you know. For example, you can choose to roll your eyes and have a chuckle or make an issue of it.

May this always be the biggest gripe you have with her.

God jesse that's even worse that mrs isn't even your title. People don't do these kind of things to men do they??

I imagine they do when it's one's mother doing it.

My mother still calls me Teeny Bash.

Um, it's OP's mother who is being passive aggressive and rude. She knows it's not the OP's name, yet insists on upholding what she thinks OP's name should be...

It depends if your principle is more important than your relationship? I would view it as passive aggressive and rude.

It's the DM who views her "principles" as more important than her relationship with her DD, why invert this onto the OP?

A card should be sent with the intention of making the recipient happy, or not at all. The OPs mother is sending a card that she knows the OP won't enjoy receiving, as she's been told already