Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asked to 'borrow DP'

264 replies

Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 00:26

Tell me please AIBU to be fucking livid with my 'friend'? she's been having problems with her EXP over their 3 DCs.
She called me this evening to ask if DP will be busy on Saturday (err it's Christmas EveHmm) and could she 'borrow' him. I asked her what for and she very brazenly told me that she's having problems with the kids Dad and could he come over for when he picks up the children as their dad is racist and will hate the sight of a 'big black bloke' in his house! She seemed so smug and pleased with herself about the idea. I was so stunned I couldn't speak for a minute, I then just very curtly said 'DP is busy on Saturday and put the phone down.'
I've now had two texts asking "are you ok?" and "are you ignoring me?"
I'm trying to resist the urge to call her back and tell her she's a racist, using twat!
What the fuck?! She wants to subject my DP to a possible racist verbal attack and have her kids witness that all for the sake of winding the guy up? Angry

OP posts:
SantasJockstrap · 21/12/2016 11:28

Your friend does sound like a dick

Jaxhog · 21/12/2016 11:34

I would gently, but explicitly explain how offended you are about her request, in an email/letter.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 21/12/2016 11:36
akittencalledjesus · 21/12/2016 11:39

Just forgetting the racist & ignorant part of this all for a second...

OP's STBXF is willing to subject her children to a potentially hostile situation, which she chooses to create.

Over 4 years after separating.

A perfect display of 'how not to parent'.

PickledCauliflower · 21/12/2016 11:40

She sounds hideous - and must be unhinged to have such an idea.
You would be right to end this so called friendship and avoid her at all costs.
There is no misunderstanding here. She is a horror - no wonder she has had problems if this is how she goes about things!

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 11:41

I've composed this text:

"I didn't feel I could reply to your texts last night because to be honest, I was angry and didn't want to say something I'd regret later.
I'm pretty shocked that you think your request was acceptable, putting mrducks in a position where he could be racially abused by your ex, or even made to feel uncomfortable and used for the colour of his skin? How can you think that's ok? You've shown no regard or thought for the potential impact on him and seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to use him for your own entertainment because he's black? I appreciate you're still going through difficult times at the moment and if you need someone there to support you on Saturday I suggest you ask boyfriend to be there with you.
As for our friendship; I'd appreciate some space from you for a while. I feel things are very onesided between us and this incident has compounded those feelings, as a result I can't be around you for the foreseeable. Please don't contact me."

OP posts:
maras2 · 21/12/2016 11:45

Great post. Well done.Xmas Smile

seagaze · 21/12/2016 11:46

When she asked could she "borrow" dp she made it sound like she wanted to borrow a hoover or some other object. She's talking about a human being for goodness sake. But even if she'd wanted to "borrow" him for some type of diy job the appropriate words would be "would you mind asking your DH if he could do me this favour". It would be up to the DH if he wanted to go not for the op to send him round there like some child on an errand. But to ask him to go round for the reason she's given is literally beyond belief. What a stupid stupid woman.

dailymaillazyjournos · 21/12/2016 11:53

Good email. Send it

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 11:56

Forgot to ask should I send it or is it too long winded?

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 21/12/2016 11:56

I think that's a great message. I might be tempted to change the last paragraph to something a bit more vague, in order to give myself wiggle room on the response. Maybe:

'As for our friendship, I need some space to process all this. Please don't contact me, I'll be in touch when and if I feel ready to move on.'

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/12/2016 11:57

Great text.

She was trying to point score with her ex and use your DH as bait. Awful.

Wonder what her boyfriend thinks about it.

BlueFolly · 21/12/2016 12:00

Your text is fine, though personally I liked the one from Rockingaround if you want to go short and sweet.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2016 12:02

I think it needs to be that long for her to even just start understanding the problem. I wouldn't be surprised if she messages back equally clueless. Well done, OP.

sarahnova69 · 21/12/2016 12:03

Yes, send it.

Hissy · 21/12/2016 12:06

That text is more than she deserves in terms of effort, but bang on in terms of content.

Your friend is a stupid idiot!

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 12:08

I've sent it with shovetheholly's amendment (thank you)
Will update when she replies, thanks all.

OP posts:
MeetMeAtMidnight · 21/12/2016 12:10

Well done, OP. You kept it far classier than I might have done. If that doesn't get the message through, nothing will. I hope you and your DP and the rest of your family have a lovely Christmas.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2016 12:12

I think that's a great text OP. Well done!

Bauble16 · 21/12/2016 12:12

Omg. She's a dickhead!

Mynestisfullofempty · 21/12/2016 12:13

"Will update when she replies, thanks all."

Why are you expecting a reply when you've told her not to contact you?

QueenLizIII · 21/12/2016 12:14

send that text
she deserves every bit of it.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 21/12/2016 12:17

She definitely seems the type to reply, even when asked not to!

Great text OP, very measure but you've made it clear that you are angry and why. Hope she takes it on board.

QueenLizIII · 21/12/2016 12:17

she is so selfish she may we reply.....and whinge about herself.

QueenLizIII · 21/12/2016 12:18

may *well reply