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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asked to 'borrow DP'

264 replies

Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 00:26

Tell me please AIBU to be fucking livid with my 'friend'? she's been having problems with her EXP over their 3 DCs.
She called me this evening to ask if DP will be busy on Saturday (err it's Christmas EveHmm) and could she 'borrow' him. I asked her what for and she very brazenly told me that she's having problems with the kids Dad and could he come over for when he picks up the children as their dad is racist and will hate the sight of a 'big black bloke' in his house! She seemed so smug and pleased with herself about the idea. I was so stunned I couldn't speak for a minute, I then just very curtly said 'DP is busy on Saturday and put the phone down.'
I've now had two texts asking "are you ok?" and "are you ignoring me?"
I'm trying to resist the urge to call her back and tell her she's a racist, using twat!
What the fuck?! She wants to subject my DP to a possible racist verbal attack and have her kids witness that all for the sake of winding the guy up? Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 14:21

MiddleClassProblem

😂😂😂 love that!

OP posts:
sarahnova69 · 21/12/2016 14:23

"I'm concerned by your reaction to what was an entirely innocent request. I will call you when I get home from work."

All right, the verdict is in, she's completely bonkers. Block and move on!

Maybe time to have higher standards for friends, too? Not to overanalyse, but sometimes one of the lessons you have to take from this kind of thing is to get a bit clearer about your own boundaries and be less vulnerable to users in the future.

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 14:25

I'll be shutting the door in her face this time, she's not using me anymore.

OP posts:
ComedyBoobs · 21/12/2016 14:31

LittleBoo - you really DON'T get it. Your posts are emotionally exhausing to read.

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 14:34

sarahnova69
DP has said pretty much the same, says I'm too soft and should have my guard up a bit more instead of assuming everyone is sweetness and light. Lesson learned for sure.

OP posts:
HeadElf · 21/12/2016 14:34

She's off her bloody rocker

ComedyBoobs · 21/12/2016 14:35

Well done, OP Xmas Grin

1horatio · 21/12/2016 14:37

When I saw the title I thought she wanted to borrow him for some 'fun' or have a partner swap Xmas Blush

QueenLizIII · 21/12/2016 14:38

Dont hesitate to report her to the police if she starts coming round and texting and calling.

The police take racial abuse amd harrassment quite seriously.

ComedyBoobs · 21/12/2016 14:40

Thank you for educating me on racism, Herrena Hmm
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 14:42

DP would like to react to the posts thinking she might have wanted to borrow him for shagging purposes;

Vom, vom, vom! Wouldn't touch her with million foot poll!
😂😂😂

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 21/12/2016 14:45

...I'd suggest you send one last text "please stop harassing me or I will contact the police"

THE END (hopefully) ???

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2016 14:49

Lol ducks that's exactly what I thought this thread was going to be about. Lonely mate wanted a one nighter.

DJBaggySmalls · 21/12/2016 14:51

Ohdearducks you're not a mug, you're just a normal, nice person. It can take a while to spot them, thats all. Users and takers. They hide what they are because they know its not the usual way people behave.

ohfourfoxache · 21/12/2016 14:53

Stupid fucking bitch Angry

She will turn up Ducks, and it's not going to be pretty.

Do you have a super soaker that you could fire through the letter box? Filled with ice cold water, obviously

PickledCauliflower · 21/12/2016 14:59

I wouldn't let her in if she turns up at your house. She sounds unhinged.
Keep any texts she sends in case this carries on and she won't go away, just in case you do need to go to the police
Hope it doesn't come to that and that she leaves you alone.

PickledCauliflower · 21/12/2016 15:04

I recently reconnected with a friend from school.
Not seen her for 25 years plus, it was great to hear from her and we had loads to catch up on.
I've now had to block her from my contacts, as was getting all sorts of mad texts through the night.
I won't go into details, just in case she is on mumsnet and recognises me in any way! It was quite scary though - but I am relieved she doesn't know my address!

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2016 15:16

Is she on her own at Xmas?

PickledCauliflower · 21/12/2016 15:25

Sorry middle class problem -
is that my old friend or the OPs old friend?

I think your message was for the OP, but just to add that the old friend who was sending me crazy texts is not alone..

PickledCauliflower · 21/12/2016 15:25

Sorry - that sounded like I am trying to hijack this thread!

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2016 15:28

Oh no, sorry, it was to OP. Just in regard to ex picking up the kids.

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/12/2016 15:37

OP, YANBU at all to react as you have - she's behaving disgracefully.

I have a general observation for the thread. I find both the 'I need a man, any man, to be present in order to piss off my ex' and the 'Preferably a black man as ex is quite racist' aspects of your ex-friend's behaviour to be deeply unpleasant, and most posts here indicate the same. However, I'm positive that I've seen posts this board before saying things like 'My six-foot rugby player friend opened the door and the bad person ran away', which have been greeted with general hilarity and acceptance (well, mostly).

I think the 'borrowing a man' aspect of alienating an ex is far far more generally accepted than the responses to this thread would have you believe.... (thankfully not the racism aspect though).

Anyway. Slightly sad that we won't get an update op (as you've blocked her) but well done for doing so! Dozy creature if she can't work out why you're offended.

aliasjoey · 21/12/2016 15:49

Earlier I said that I was ignorant about exactly why this was racist, until middleclassproblem explained it so clearly , I think that's because I grew up with family who would think like this.

I don't believe they would actually do it as they're not violent, but yes I can imagine them thinking "Ex is racist, I'm not racist because I like ducks partner, and don't mind him in the house. So, to wind up my ex I'll really rub his nose in it about me having black people as friends ha ha ha."

Oh, and although most of the people I'm thinking of are older, at least 2 are only late 30s - it just wouldn't occur to them why this would be offensive, they would genuinely see it as a compliment because it 'proves' they aren't racist Sad

Don't know if I'm making sense

Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 15:52

Sorry that should say pole not poll. Blush

As far as I'm aware she's made plans to spend Christmas with her boyfriend and his family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohdearducks · 21/12/2016 15:56

"Ex is racist, I'm not racist because I like ducks partner, and don't mind him in the house. So, to wind up my ex I'll really rub his nose in it about me having black people as friends ha ha ha."

Yes I do think that's where she's coming from, generally ignorant of how racist her thinking and actions come across whilst believing she's tolerant as fuck because she vaguely knows a black person.
I.e. Twat.

OP posts:
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