To not want to go skiing

[Leanback]

Dp and his family love skiing, and dp has gone most years since he was about 12 with them.

I've never been skiing, I'm not a very active person and it's not something that really appeals to me. Me and dp have agreed that if I was to try it we would go with mutual friends, some of whom had never been skiing before either and some who are more experienced like dp. I do feel nervous about going but I feel if I had someone to learn with I'd feel better about the situation.

Dp's family keep trying to convince me to go with them. I've polietrly declined each time and for the last couple of years I've been studying for my masters and so can use that as a reason for not attending as I can't get the time away. I think this has annoyed them, and dp did admit to me that his df thinks I should just suck it up and go for 'family'. Every time we see them they badger me about going even though I have said I don't want to. Dp has no issues with me not going so I don't understand why his parents do.

Aibu? Should I just go for the sake of family relations?

I would not want to spend £££ to go somewhere to sit around reading and drinking hot chocolate, I can do that in Costa FFS! It would get old pretty quickly, just sitting around trying to find ways to fill the time until the pushy tossers got back and decided how my "fun" evening would be filled.....

I suspect that they are viewing it as some sort of judgement on them, so they need to convert you. Some people are like that, they really cant cope with the concept that their obsession isnt shared by everyone, they almost take it as a personal insult. I know someone who is like this about outdoorsy stuff, tell him that your idea of a great holidays does not involve cycling 40 miles to a mountain and then climbing it and he will insist that you would love it if only you tried it and gets very arsey when you say that no, you really wouldnt!

The irony is that they dont see their own behaviour as judging your lifestyle choices!

and don't understand the appeal of stuff they haven't tried.

Sounds like you OP?

What I meant by that was they don't understand why anyone would want do for example visit thailand. I understand why people would enjoy skiing, it's just not for me.

I was pressured into going skiing like this and the first time I absolutely hatred it as everyone else could ski well and they just didn't want to wait for me. They weren't horrible and they did try but I could see that ven when they offered to do an easy run with me so I could practise that they were itching to get going. I am not very fit and really struggled to learn. The whole holiday was awful and I hated it really. One of our party did also end up in hospital with a broken leg!

I tried again another time several years later (glutton for punishment I know!) but my then husban loved skiing and convinced me to go. We went with a mix of friends some who could not ski at all or at least not well. Having learnt from my first experience I also booked more personal lessons with a company that specialised in adult beginners and who spoke English so the lessons went much better the second time. I wouldn't say I loved it but the first four days went much better and I began to get the hang of it and I remember some fun bits to this day.

However someone bumped into me on the fourth day during one of my lessons and I broke a collarbone. I was taken down the mountain on one of those sled things and I spent nearly 4 weeks in pain afterwards. I have since decided skiing is just not for me

My father bless him was very unhappy when I told him I was going skiing (both times). He was a builder and had worked may times at the airport on jobs. He said he always knew the flights where people were coming back from skiing resorts in the winter because there was always at least one person (if not more) in a cast or bandage of some coming off the plane

If you are not fit/sport and you are a beginner adult you are reasonably likely to get hurt. obviously not everyone does and as you get better and more able to control things you are probably less likely to have an accident (assuming you are not young and reckless) but my experience of skiing holidays (admittedly only two) is that on both trips (we had about 10 people on each trip) at least one person had a reasonably serious injury that left them unable to ski and if you think not being a good skier makes for a bad holiday, try being injured in a hotel for 3 days while everyone else goes off to ski. there is absoluely nothing to do if you don't ski at those resorts

Just my opinion obviously!

Thing is, skiing isn't like other hobbies like tennis or rugby, it's not something her DP could just pop off for an afternoon/day and do now and then, fitting in his 'me time' - it's a minimum of a long weekend and is expensive. If the OP isn't really prepared to even give it a go, chances are, her DP is going to have to stop doing it at some point, and it will be virtually impossible to introduce any DC they have together to skiing if the OP won't support it being a family holiday.

Plenty of people continue pursuing a hobby without their partner and plenty of people ski without their partner. A week of skiing is far less time consuming than doing something every weekend.

However if he wants to ski with the OP he would be better off choosing a resort that accommodates non skiers and with better company.

It's not as though the addition of a baby or toddlers would make holidaying with the ILs and the 'dick of the day hat' more pleasant for the OP.

From reading your posts I think your idea of skiing with friends where your DH can ski with one and you can have beginners lessons with the other is the best idea. Skiing is fun but the first few weeks are hard going. You'll enjoy that more if with another beginner.

If they have kids and the DP wants them to ski, its perfectly possible to do it in the UK, at least for a few years, until the kids (and maybe the OP) are into it. Even if I wanted to ski then I wouldnt want to do it with these self important twats. As it is, I dont want to ski but I would join in with my kids if they wanted to learn and maybe the OP would feel the same.

Oh and incidentally, being able to ski is not an essential life skill, its perfectly possible to get through life without knowing how to!

He can go skiing with his family and she and the kids could stay home or go somewhere else, plenty of people have holidays like that when one partner is really into something and the other isnt. Golfing holidays for example.

Absolutely, Bogeyface. My DH goes snowboarding with his friends once a year, and I stay home with DD and have a lovely week with lots of evening time to myself. That suits us both just fine. His friends may whinge about what I shame it is that I don't want to join in, and I think DH would be thrilled if I ever did change my mind...but he respects my feelings towards it and that has enabled us to reach this equilibrium.

I have tentatively suggested possibly going for a weekend once DD is old enough and the three of us can learn together (he's proficient at boarding but has never tried skiing). But no way would I go with him and all his pushy mates.

I've not actually said under no circumstances will I try skiing though I've just said I don't want to go on the holiday with his (extended) family.

So this isn't about skiing. It's about holidaying with his family.

If he doesn't mind you not going then get him to tell them to drop it.

My fil always pushes for me to take the kids to see him in a country I don't think is safe. I just tell him it's not going to happen and repeat with a smile. Do you really care what they say behind your back?

Well I can see that would be very annoying for you. I wouldn't want to go in your position and the idea of going on holiday with anyones extended family, including my own, sounds rather hellish.

i went once. Hated it. Knew I would but went anyway as friends persuaded me. I feel the cold dreadfully and was just so cold the whole ten days - cold right to the very bone.

Bloody miserable. I need the sunshine and a load of culture when on holiday. Not snow. Just tell them you won't be going, and repeat. If they carry on, just ask then why they keep asking you.

I would say go along just for once, you might surprise yourself. I had to drag my dh along despite him not being very keen and he quickly got even keener than me at it.
Ski school is fun and you'll meet other beginners- in most resorts you'll get an English speaking only group.
And it's not just about the skiing- the views of the mountains, fresh etc are absolutely fabulous (if the weather is good). And depending on where you are, the food can be really good too.

I can picture you actually enjoying the skiing and hiding out with your new mates in ski school to avoid having to go back to spend time with the extended family.

How is your FIL having an extended sulk for a month supposed to convince you that he's a great person to go on holiday with?

I hear you OP. I had years of friends badgering me to go along. I am 99% sure I'd hate it. I am unsporty, clumsy, physically inept, tiny, get really fed up lugging shit around, and have always had very limited patience with any activity which requires vast amount of kit and specialist clothing. My ideal holiday involves wandering around museums and interesting foreign cities. I dare say I'd enjoy the views and the booze, but I'm not spending thousands of pounds on that.

As a disabled woman, I've been on a fabulous skiing holiday. I floated in the amazing pool, took a sleigh ride, rode a train into the mountains, used the spa and had all sorts of relaxing treatments. Ski resorts are often stunning and I'd go again in a heartbeat if I could.

No way in hell would I go.

I feel ill in the cold. I hate it with a passion. Drinking hot chocolate and reading in the cold while others are skiing sounds like living hell for me.

Sitting in the hot reading= heaven. I'm not freezing my arse off for anyone.

sitting in the sun*

I haven't been for 12 years and so want to go. Dry ski slope is just not the same. Go.
Book yourself private ski lessons with the hunker ski instructor and go from there. Being outside in te mountains on a chairlift is one of the best feelings in the world. You feel on top of the world.

You clearly don't want to go, but if you change your mind you could just book into ski school daily and learn with other beginners, only meeting up with the family for meals etc and a couple of short ski sessions together. DH and I did this when we went (DH had never skiied at all, I'd been twice with school) and still had lots of time together.

I'm not interested in hot chocolate. What would happen is I'd wonder if noon was too early to have a glass of wine. I'd decide one wouldn't hurt but I wouldn't want it warm with cloves in it because mulled wine is disgusting and drunk by people who don't like wine.

Then I'd think that another one wouldn't hurt. By the time the rest of the party came in rosy cheeked from the cold I'd be rosy cheeked from being shit faced and sitting too close to the fire and would have to go to bed and miss the apres ski.

limited that doesn't sound too bad tbh

YABU not to go once. If you don't like it, don't go again.
Indoor snow centres don't count - they are very shit compared to being in the mountains.
I think that going on a snow holiday and not doing any snow sports would be a very boring and expensive way to spend a week, so I don't blame you for not wanting to do that.
We had something similar to the 'dick of the day' hat on a school ski trip I went on. It thought was funny but I was about 13.

Okay Leanback, but you have to insist on going to a lovely resort with gorgeous fireplaces, snuggly armchairs and waiters to bring you wine. And shopping.

Not one of those grim concrete places in France or Bulgaria that look like Croydon in another ice age.

I'm sure I wouldn't mind going to Austria, Switzerland or Italy but I still think I'd find it a bit boring and it might be much more expensive than your inlaws wanted to pay.