To not want to go skiing

[Leanback]

Dp and his family love skiing, and dp has gone most years since he was about 12 with them.

I've never been skiing, I'm not a very active person and it's not something that really appeals to me. Me and dp have agreed that if I was to try it we would go with mutual friends, some of whom had never been skiing before either and some who are more experienced like dp. I do feel nervous about going but I feel if I had someone to learn with I'd feel better about the situation.

Dp's family keep trying to convince me to go with them. I've polietrly declined each time and for the last couple of years I've been studying for my masters and so can use that as a reason for not attending as I can't get the time away. I think this has annoyed them, and dp did admit to me that his df thinks I should just suck it up and go for 'family'. Every time we see them they badger me about going even though I have said I don't want to. Dp has no issues with me not going so I don't understand why his parents do.

Aibu? Should I just go for the sake of family relations?

Dierdre- couldn't agree more. Even when I got good enough to ski with friends, I was always slower so they would wait for me (getting a rest) and then the moment I caught up, off we all went again - making me more tired and even worse at it!!

Op YANBU - I had a madly keen skier bf back in my 20's with a family who badgered me into going on a skiing family holiday and I hated every second of it. Ended up in tears on a blue run that I couldn't even get down. I wouldn't pay good money to do that again!

I'd give it a go if I had completely unlimited time available for holidays and no budget constraints. But as long as that's not the case I'd never choose it. "Guaranteed hotter than the UK in summer" is my minimum requirement for a holiday. I realise it isn't everyone's, and I'm glad they have a lovely time. Doesn't mean I need to try it.

At first I thought YWBU - why not, go, have lovley time reading, looking a the scenery etc.

I love skiing, but I go to ski, do not après-ski - hate all the braying -
so when I saw quite wild and do lots of drinking games in the evening - changed my mind - YANBU!!!!!
Sounds horrendous for a quiet person.
I have met your rellies in numerous ski resorts and wish rey could be banned

YADN being unreasonable. If you don't want to go, don't go! I let my DH and a group of skiing mad friends cajole/nag/bully me into going skiing with them and I HATED it. I was so terrified I had a full blown panic attack on the bunny hill, sobbed hysterically through most my lesson and for several hours afterwards and wound up losing a toenail. It was truly very, very grim.

Oh and the Ski instructors were shouty cunts who poked me in the tummy with a ski pole when I said I was scared

Apres ski is boring as hell too because all anyone ever talks about is FUCKING SKIING.

YANBU, I wouldn't go - hate the cold and snow - my idea of holiday hell - let the rest of them get on with it if they enjoy it so much.

Go, be shit and make them wait for you loads and they'll never ask you again.

There's activities to do in most ski resorts other than ski. Do you know where you would be going? If it's not booked/finalised yet then why don't you agree to go but ensure the resort/accommodation has something that appeals to you (spa, ice skating, fitness centre, good shops/cafes etc) so that they can tootle off for a ski whilst you pamper yourself silly/sit in a cafe/do your masters work/shop! There are plenty of people in ski resorts who don't ski as it's not for everyone so you wouldn't be on your Own all day plus could meet them for lunch in a swanky mountain restaurant if you fancied it.

I agree with most of the others. Try it and if you hate it just enjoy the other things on offer. You never know, you might be surprised and find a new passion. What have you really got to lose.

merry
£379 gets you a fully catered 3* chalet in Tignes, one of the most charming resorts in France!
It has a log fire, all meals except lunch, an en suite bathroom etc. Hardly slumming it!
The lift pass gives you free access to the gym, pool and ice rink in the resort

OP, you can book yourself another, cheaper chalet in the same resort as them

It gives you a bit more freedom in the evenings if you want it (or you can join them for dinner if you want) and you can chose your own budget
As long as you avoid half term week and the Easter hols, you'll be able to find something for under £500 in practically every resort in Europe. Even cheaper if you want to go self catering

Read the whole thread and nothing has convinced me to try skiing - it sounds like my idea of hell.

Going and not skiing sounds even worse. I've been to Swiss ski resorts in the summer and found them twee and dull - the food wasn't great either. I have lots of nice cafes (and scenery) near where I live. So why on earth would I spend hundreds of pounds to fly somewhere cold and wet??

Tulips if anything it had made me more adamant not to go.

It's nearly bedtime and...no, I still don't want a cup of hot chocolate.

I don't see why you should go if it really doesn't appeal to you. I've never seen the point of skiing - just sliding down a hill in the cold - why?
Loads of people try this and return home with a leg in plaster. I wouldn't go skiing for all the tea in china.

Don't do it. Go once and you'll find you're stuck with it every year. This has happened to me with the in laws annual extended family get together - not skiing but the sort of holiday I would never choose and don't enjoy. I resent that a precious week of our holiday is used up in this way.

Last year I put my foot down and insisted we go on a holiday of our choosing for once, instead. Dh had an attack of guilt and invited his parents to join us ; and they spent all week complaining they didn't like the scenery as much as the place they go to every year. This year we are back to joining in the usual family jamboree. God I'm dreading it.

Well done for standing firm.

I agree with Deidre's previous comment that if you are a beginner and they're all experienced skiers it will be tough going. Even if you go with other beginners there's nothing else that can make you feel rubbish than to go with experienced skiers whio harp on about black runs while you're still struggling on the nursery slopes.

I think also to enjoy it you do have to have a certain level of fitness. You will be exercising every day on the slopes and using muscles that you don't normally use. I went a couple of times in my twenties and I did really like it but was with others that were exactly the same standard as me. I then had a 10 year break, went in my thirties with my DH and friends (most of whom were blinkin' brilliant skiers) and really struggled - I just found it exhausting and by the time I felt like I was just picking it up again, it was time to go home!

To sum it up, you can have a fab holiday skiing if you get yourself fit beforehand and go with people that are the same ability as you, otherwise I would knock it on the head!

WhiskyAndTwiglets good question, and we have actually discussed that - once they're old enough (tbh I am not sure when that would be - perhaps four or five?) then they can come with me, MIL and SIL - MIL reckons by that point she'll only want to ski a bit so can take them on the afternoons. After that they can choose if they want to or not.

Also to be completely fair to him my DH has said he might try snowboarding by that point, which is obviously grounds for divorce anyway :-). But I suspect he still won't like it. But he will really really really love having a week at home with only a phone call an evening to stop him from playing computer games and not talking to anyone. Or having a week with his dad.

Alas these children are all hypothetical right now so obviously this plan may be a total failboat.

I think you need to approach whichever parent in law you get on with best. Go give the dry slope a go. Tell him how much you thoroughly hated it and how much you know they love it..and how that it is so lovely they want you to be part of family life...but this is one thing that just isnt something you will share. Tell them you are happy to drive to/collect from airports. Tell them you are booking into a Spa the week the go...tell them it's something YOU love but you know DH would hate. Explain that their week of skiing is your well earned break. Explain it isnt them, it isnt you dont want to spend time with them doing family stuff..it's just that skiing and cold really is agony for you..At least then you know they understand it isnt THEM. Ask the PIL you've chosen to talk to to intervene with you when those conversations begin..you need an ally in their camp. If PIL sees you are being really fair and honest..they will stand for you and dh may feel he can voice his support for you publicly.
If you really cant approach one or other PIL...it's down to your dh to advocate for you, but picking one PIL is the quickest route. Good luck.

sparechange, that is a 4 bed chalet and the price is based on maximum occupancy - great with friends, not as a bolt hole from the rest of your party.

The ski pass is about another 300 Euros, which at current exchange rates isn't cheap.

Tignes, while well loved by many, is largely purpose built 1960's blocks of accommodation.

Once you add on holiday spending money (all those hot chocolates) some apres ski participation to show willing, ski hire (difficult to go and not even take one lesson), and snow wear, you aren't going to get change out of £1000.

Having said that, the deal you have found looks great - for somebody who wants to go skiing! It could also be fun for somebody who isn't fussed about skiing, but wants to go on a group holiday with friends. This particular holiday sounds a bit like going on an expensive hen party with people you don't like to do an activity you don't enjoy.

As it is, I think the OP would have a better time spending £379 on her holiday in Mexico.

Susan It's somehow much more fun with children if and when you do that ☺. Also takes AGES to get them dressed though 😂. My eldest is now a teenager and can ski anything better than we can and the little one is a adrenaline junkie.

I can see though how hard it would have been with only one of us skiing and I just wish I had learnt before to give me a head start as I was useless for the first few years in anything practical, even putting their boots and skis on, a task that honestly seems to take forever. And you get them fully dressed, all tucked in, helmet on, skis on at the top of the mountain and then they need the loo again urgently 😂

Local ski schools are fab of course but they do the races for parents to watch up the mountain for example, sometimes half way down a run. And it's useful if both of you can do lifts, etc.

I am sooooo looking forward to this week. Fresh air, no ipads, just having fun ☺ I tease them that we'll always go back to this place even when they are grown up and have children of their own. It's just a little piece of heaven for us.

I wouldn't divorce your DH is he does become a boarder. I'd quite like to learn one year myself!

PIL sound bullying.
In ski school you would spend half of every day on your own with strangers and the rest of the day feeling inadequate you weren't a better skier. Imagine how many 'helpful' hints and tips you would receive from DP's family as self-proclaimed experienced experts.
While the scenery is stunning, getting on and off the button lifts terrifies me alone. And the plane home always seems to be dotted with people with assorted limbs in plaster.
If you do go, be aware there are safety rules of the slopes to familiarise yourself with, like the Highway Code.

I would never force it on anyone ( we are about to go and go each year). In fact my children have been the ones always having boyfriends etc keen to come (not unkeen to come!) and that makes it expensive. If people don't want to come that saves me money so absolutely find here. You don't of course have to ski if you go or drink. I don't drink. Our apres ski is walks, dinner, no alcohol, swimming, steams/saunas, films, reading.

I also support couples having separate holidays. My mother said her best 2 weeks holiday ever was when we went away without her as teenagers but with my father so she got the house to herself for 2 weeks - bliss.

Some ski schools are rubbish for adult beginners. I remember one instructor from my first time looking down his nose at me and saying " you are not sporty are you!" as I fell on the nursery slope for the umpteenth time and had trouble getting up again. I wanted to poke my ski pole in his eye!

The instructors were all "hot young" French men who you might have thought I would be interested in, being in my 20s at the time but they were arrogant beyond belief and were terrible teachers. I gave up after 2-3 days and spent the rest of the time miserable as all my friends were skiing but I was too sacred to try again. At the time I thought it was me but it really wasn't, it was the instructors who were not good.

The reason I know it was the instructors is that the next time I went (in my 30s and even less fit/sporty than I had been at 20 something), I found a good ski school that specialised in adult beginners where the instructors all spoke good English (so I could understand the instructions) . They were fantastic. I got a little old man who managed to get me skiing by the the end of the first and who was lovely. So if you do go as a beginner and want to learn, it is really worth choosing the ski school carefully or maybe having individual lessons (though that does cost!)

After reading this though I am reminded of all the really horrible things, such as the agony of badly fitting ski boots (beginners rarely buy boots the first time because of the cost so they hire them and whether they fit well or not is a lottery ). Not being able to stay on a drag lift without falling off at least 5-6 times first. The terror and embarassment of realising you can't get down an easy green run (that your friends have kindly taken you to to "help" you learn). Said friends then skiing down and and me having to walk down in my boots carrying my skis because no fried however good is going to walk down a ski slope in ski boots to keep you company if they can ski. The worry about getting off ski lifts (having to ski off them or end up going down the lift again)

All in all don't go

WhiskyAndTwiglets I think unless he takes to it we'd probably leave him at home though and video it all for him - I go with his family most of the time so would have other adults who would help rather than being in charge completely on my own.

I would love him to snowboard though, he would look super handsome and I bet he's got just the right muscles for it. I'll have a go one day but suspect I won't stand up well!!

I guess it's like anything with kids, you have these plans and ideas and then it's all different when they happen. If they happen, sob, wail, etc - my consolation if they don't is way more cash for holidays :-(