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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go skiing

369 replies

Leanback · 20/12/2016 22:58

Dp and his family love skiing, and dp has gone most years since he was about 12 with them.

I've never been skiing, I'm not a very active person and it's not something that really appeals to me. Me and dp have agreed that if I was to try it we would go with mutual friends, some of whom had never been skiing before either and some who are more experienced like dp. I do feel nervous about going but I feel if I had someone to learn with I'd feel better about the situation.

Dp's family keep trying to convince me to go with them. I've polietrly declined each time and for the last couple of years I've been studying for my masters and so can use that as a reason for not attending as I can't get the time away. I think this has annoyed them, and dp did admit to me that his df thinks I should just suck it up and go for 'family'. Every time we see them they badger me about going even though I have said I don't want to. Dp has no issues with me not going so I don't understand why his parents do.

Aibu? Should I just go for the sake of family relations?

OP posts:
merrymouse · 22/12/2016 09:33

Drink coffee, read, have a massage, go to the spa

Or get a bus into your local town for the same experience.

VERY normal to see University students, A level students and the odd GCSE student studying on an evening or lunchtimes in the hotels.

These would be people who are in a ski resort because they want to go skiing. Nobody goes to a ski resort to study, unless they live there.

But what I love most is seeing my children enjoy it.

The OP doesn't have children. However she has not ruled out the possibility of skiing, she just doesn't want to go skiing with her in laws.

I am definitely over thinking this - it's not my holiday! But I am finding all the posts about spending hundreds or thousands of pounds to spend a week drinking hot chocolate a bit frustrating.

limitedperiodonly · 22/12/2016 09:56

I am definitely over thinking this - it's not my holiday! But I am finding all the posts about spending hundreds or thousands of pounds to spend a week drinking hot chocolate a bit frustrating.

Me too on both counts Grin

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/12/2016 10:01

Sorry I've only read page 1 but ....

I think you have quite a plan to go with DP and friends for a first ski-ing holiday. Then accept invitation from IL's after you have a better idea of what a ski-ing holiday can be like.

I've been on two ski-ing holidays and then had the amazing opportunity to spend a year in northern Japan where we got to go ski-ing every weekend through the winter. I thought gently ski-ing down a beautiful avenue of snow between fir trees or down a gentle mountain slope from top to bottom was great! But I definitely found my level and wasn't really interested in going faster or steeper, though I guess I had the odd fast for me thrill. Mainly though I just enjoyed the gorgeous scenery, the bright blue skies, and stopping off in mountain huts for some mulled wine!

I'd say go, but on your own terms Xmas Smile

sparechange · 22/12/2016 10:03

Why do the ski haters keep going on about how expensive it is?!
I've just had a marketing email from a ski company offering a week's holiday for £399 - that's flights, transfers, chalet accommodation with breakfast, tea, dinner and unlimited wine
That's cheaper than a weekend in CentreParcs

Yes you can go and spend £10k for a week but you don't have to
Places like Club Med do a fully all-inclusive week for about a grand which includes all meals, all drinks, lessons and lift passes. The hotels have pools and gyms and spas and all sorts
And it's a much higher standard an all-inc sunny holiday for a grand

Original poster
Leanback · 22/12/2016 10:05

I don't get to choose where the inlaws have their holidays though sparechange

OP posts:
ChocChocPorridge · 22/12/2016 10:13

Skiiing scares me witless... I've been a couple of times, and frankly, I'm happy just pootling up and down the baby slope, and have no desire to ever get good enough to go down a real slope (I tried once, and I was terrified)

The trouble is that if you're going with experienced skiers, you'd basically be spending the whole holiday alone, or with an instructor (watching 3 year-olds expertly snake by you) - but then if you're going to be going every year, it's probably worth the investment of time for a couple of holidays.

merrymouse · 22/12/2016 10:18

Ski hater? I love skiing! However£399 buys you access to the slopes, not a lovely hotel with a log fire in a charming resort, and it's still about £394 more than the cost of travelling to your local Costa for a coffee.

JakeBallardswife · 22/12/2016 10:26

Just go and don't ski. I think they want your company. Go and enjoy the scenery and apres ski. There's always something to do in the resorts, get the cable car etc.

Starsandcars9 · 22/12/2016 10:39

I hate people that say they don't like something before they've tried it - your inlaws prob do too which is why they are pushing you to stop being so miserly. Sounds like you get it from your mum tho if she's also telling you you'll hate something before you've even tried it - shouldn't mums be encouraging us to expand and improve ourselves?!
Tbh your partner prob is bothered by it - if you don't go annually he'll probably end up preferring a wife who will - skiers hate to miss out and it sounds like it's important to him. Why not go? You don't have to ski - you can try it for a couple of afternoons but spend the rest of the time in the wonderful resort and hotel's spas, shopping, ice skating, lunching up the Mountain on the cable car, relaxing in the hot tub with a book, eating yummy food! All while earning points with the inlaws. Just insist they go somewhere with a pool/spa - most big hotels do and many chalets can access hotels or resort ones.

happychristmasbum · 22/12/2016 10:43

if you don't go annually he'll probably end up preferring a wife who will

Are you for real Stars???

Starsandcars9 · 22/12/2016 10:44

Tb even more honest you not skiing is prob one of the reasons you aren't married yet - it's a bit like smokers/non-smokers. I'd never marry anyone who didn't go skiing. My dh hadn't ever skied when I met him. He did two holidays where we went alone and I compromised on my skiing so he could learn and we did other mountain things and now he's a brill skier and can easily keep up with me and my friends (and loves it too after also saying he'd never like it as dh liked sun holidays but ski hols can be really sunny if you go late in season)

Starsandcars9 · 22/12/2016 10:45

For real - as above - I'd never marry someone who wouldn't at least come away so I could ski.

dinkystinky · 22/12/2016 10:47

I think your suggestion of going skiing with a group of friends first, including some other beginners, is a great idea. Being a beginner going skiing with lots of expert skiiers is miserable and will most likely sorely test your relationship with lots of them!

Just tell DP's family that you want to give skiing a try first time with some other beginners and if you find you have a taste for it, you'll consider the family ski trip next time.

Starsandcars9 · 22/12/2016 10:47

It's his passion if he's been going every year since little - are they going to go holiday separately for the rest of their lives or compromise and try and enjoy hobbies together. He's lying if he says he's not bothered by it - long term he will be

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/12/2016 10:49

Blimey Stars that all sounds a bit "how to win yourself a husband" in the Jane Austin tradition Xmas Shock .....

"all while earning points with the inlaws"

Does it all have to be such hard work?! It's meant to be a holiday!

cestlavielife · 22/12/2016 10:55

Go but book for snow shoe walks each day...you only need to be able to walk and if you book for the week you will prob be with a nice group of people. Me and dd did snow shoeing while other dd was skiing and it was great . Nice group. If you like trees nature etc it is great.

sophiestew · 22/12/2016 10:55

Gosh no don't go if you know you won't like it. I think it's really patronising to suggest people don't know their own minds.

However, OP has said she is going to consider going with DP and his friends. Let's all hope he deigns to marry her if she's cool enough eh?

Starsandcars9 did you miss the post where OP said her and DP were going to Mexico together because that's where they really want to go? Or the bit where OP made it clear she doesn't really want to holiday with ILS anyway?

I am terrified of heights, have very painful kneed due to problems with joints, and hate the cold. I really don't need to go ski ing to know I would hate it.

vEGANvERA · 22/12/2016 11:00

only commenting to say LOVE IT - and i say this as an unfit, stone overweight, mother of 3 (who can all ski as well as me now!).
counting down the days till our trip in February.
truly thankful every day that we can do this once a year as a family and hope we can all keep going for years to come (will be interesting when DC get to an age of having partners :) but would hope no-one ever felt pressure to come and i certainly wouldn't pile on the pressure, i know its not for everyone)

peace and goodwill to the mumsnetters Xmas Grin

limitedperiodonly · 22/12/2016 11:05

This how I like to imagine myself as a non skier on a ski holiday. I fear the reality would be somewhat different

To not want to go skiing
Starsandcars9 · 22/12/2016 11:08

Not missed it just saying someone that has gone skiing every year will expect to do so again at some point - it's not he was a skied a couple of times skier which could take it or leave it. I bet he'd secretly love it if the op offered to go and see what the fuss was about.

littleprincesssara · 22/12/2016 11:08

Seriously Xmas Hmm at all the posters going, "Oh just force your bullying, won't-take-no-for-an-answer in-laws to go to the resort of your choice, then announce you're refusing to ski!"

Like there's any way in a million years that would work.

Even if the OP did want to try skiing, it's important to set healthy boundaries with in-laws and not allow people to run roughshod over you. If the OP gives in to this, what else will her in-laws try to bully her into?

I like skiing, but some of the ski-zealots on this thread are really giving skiiers a bad name. No one should ever be bullied into anything!

Original poster
Leanback · 22/12/2016 11:08

GrinGrinGrin honestly some of these responses have been eye opening

OP posts:
littleprincesssara · 22/12/2016 11:20

Incidentally both the ski resorts I've been to were VERY grim if you don't ski. Literally just a bunch of budget chalets and some grimy pubs, and a handful of boring shops. No fireplaces, no spas, no swimming pools, no nice restaurants. We had oven pizza from Lidl every night. The last time I went skiiing I got injured and there was literally nothing to do except sit on my bunkbed in my dorm room or mooch round the ski shop or the supermarket.

On the other hand I went to Zermatt twice, once to ski and once not, and it's one of the best places ever.

The OP already said she has no control of which resort it is, so no guarantee of spas and hot choc in front of a fire.

Namechangebitch · 22/12/2016 11:27

So the inlaws say " we are going skiing, we are not bothered if Leanback comes we will all have a great time. OPs DH says "great off on a brilliant holiday with my parents".

Then we get a thread going " boo hoo no one wants me". At least they like you.

Say "thank you but no", and then live with what is decided.

carefreeeee · 22/12/2016 11:36

The family sound awful and I would avoid.

If you are tempted to try skiing though, go with people who are also beginners and who you will ebjoy spending time with. Even if you don't take to the skiing you will still have a nice time