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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this neglectful? Regarding DD's sleepover

154 replies

user1477282676 · 20/12/2016 21:32

DD is 8 and is good friends with a little girl 5 doors down. They don't attend the same school but over this year they've forged a lovely friendship.

This is Australia so 5 doors down is quite a distance compared to how it would be in the UK...all the houses on the street are detached and have very large gardens...we have no problem with DD running up the road to her mate's house to call for her and her friend does the same.

The issue is this. The street backs onto a large golf course...massive with a lot of old trees....the neighbours back garden, like ours...is backed onto the course.

Last night DD was asked to sleepover there and we agreed this was fine.

I spoke to her on the phone at about 8.00pm and she was happy, said goodnnight....she mentioned they were playing in the "den" in friend's back garden which is right by the back gate...the "den' is a broken down play house...wooden but not at all air or insect proof...there's a large hole on one side and it's usually mucky.

Anyway...about 11.00pm DH takes our dog for his evening walk...he goes all around the golf course and returns on a route taking him past the friend's back gate...he is about 50 feet from the house walking along when he hears this sad voice shouting "Mummy!" Mummy!" he realises it's DD!

He calls her name and she shouts "Daddy!" and he goes up to the den to see her...turns out they've been allowed to sleep out in this den...and the friend has gone into a deep sleep from which she can't be woken...DD is scared witless by the sounds of the wildlife...this area is full of wild animals...and she is too scared to go to the house to get her mate's Mother as the garden is so long and she'd been calling out for ages...

Is it a bit off to let two little girls sleep in a den like that...completely acessible from the golf course...very little protection from weather and out of earshot of the main house?

I might be being a bit precious so thought I'd ask. DH phoned the friend's mother whilst he stood there with DD and she laughed...she was in bed, asleep...he told her DD wanted to come home so he thought he'd let her know as the friend was now alone in the den...the mother just said "that's fine" and went!

DD was so relieved to be home!

OP posts:
LouBlue1507 · 20/12/2016 23:04

TinselTwins It isn't my definition, it's a direct quotation from the NSPCC

KERALA1 · 20/12/2016 23:04

I think of myself as on the relaxed end of the scale I also have an 8 year old dd and read your op with horror! No no no! Too risky too scary for them. Neglectful for sure.

ZuzaPa · 20/12/2016 23:04

Also, it could have been any randomer walking past & would they have had access to where they were???? I honestly think this is terrifying. Clearly bad bad judgement on the parents part, don't trust them again.

RentANDBills · 20/12/2016 23:07

Australia, a country well known for wanting to kill its inhabitants with its wildlife. YANBU.

glitterazi · 20/12/2016 23:09

Lucky it was her Dad happening to walk on by and not somebody else who could have taken advantage of the opportune moment of a child by themselves at night!
Doesn't bear thinking about at all. Sad
Hell would freeze over before I'd be letting mine round to play over there again.

TinselTwins · 20/12/2016 23:14

LOL, no it's not Lou, you PARTIALLY quoted the NSPCC and chose to misinterpret it, you left out: "It may also include neglect of, or failure to respond to, a child's basic emotional needs."

It was neglect.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 20/12/2016 23:21

Awful. So her mate was left out there in a deep sleep?

KERALA1 · 20/12/2016 23:23

It's not wildlife that would worry me Sad

periwinklepickspoppies · 20/12/2016 23:30

It was totally, and unacceptably, neglectful especially as anybody could have walked in to the garden. YANBU. What on earth did the parents say when you spoke to them about it?

periwinklepickspoppies · 20/12/2016 23:30

It was totally, and unacceptably, neglectful especially as anybody could have walked in to the garden. YANBU. What on earth did the parents say when you spoke to them about it?

Isadora2007 · 20/12/2016 23:31

Yanbu.

However given that you believed it risk for your child, I'm a little disturbed you thought it was okay to leave the other child.

I'd have had your DH brig your dd home and then I'd have gone along to waken or to lift the sleeping friend if necessary and take her home to hers.

It's a little sad you were concerned for your child's welfare but not hers.

MeetMeAtMidnight · 20/12/2016 23:32

OP, I wouldn't have been at all comfortable with that set up either. Hope your little girl is over the scare.

A bit surprised at the bristling from UKers who live in neighbourhoods full of big detached houses with acreages of land. No, it's not at all disingenuous to pretend that's anything like as common as it is in places like Australia and the USA where they have far less density of population on far more available land. I didn't at all infer from the OP's post that she was suggesting everybody in the UK lives on the equivalent of Coronation St.

Bedsheets4knickers · 20/12/2016 23:35

It's not neglectful because you wouldn't of dreamed they would be sleeping outside .

OneADayAndThenWhat · 20/12/2016 23:37

YANBU. - that was a stupid thing of the parents to do. It's very different from a tent outside the back door in a 'typical' British garden with tourches etc etc.

Phalenopsisgirl · 20/12/2016 23:39

I grew up doing this kind of thing, but camping in tents in a secure garden, with tourches and easy access to the house if we needed it. Not suprised your dd freaked out. What a funny thing to let them do!

glitterazi · 20/12/2016 23:41

I'd have had your DH brig your dd home and then I'd have gone along to waken or to lift the sleeping friend if necessary and take her home to hers.

From the fact the friend was in such a deep sleep she couldn't be woken, also that she was comfortable out there, coupled with the mum's laughing "whatevs" attitude when OP rang to say they'd taken her home, comes across that it must be a completely normal thing for them.
Would the little friend have been wanted to be shaken awake by you or somebody else's Dad in the middle of the night and taken back inside?
As mum was fast asleep and obviously not expecting them back in or sees anything wrong with it.
So I'm in two minds with that one, even though I'd hate to think of the friend out there by herself!

PeteSwotatoes · 20/12/2016 23:43

So the other kid was impossible to wake up and you left her there?

I would have woken her up and sent her indoors.

If something happened to that child you could potentially have been seen as partly responsible.

MrsMcMoo · 20/12/2016 23:52

What stupid, pathetic, irresponsible parents, I'm cross on your behalf, from the other side of the world! I absolutely cannot stand this sort of negligence.

TamzinGrey · 21/12/2016 00:08

Has everyone forgotten about poor little Sophie Hook ? www.dailypost.co.uk/news/local-news/30-moments-shook-north-wales-6141337 I was thinking about her just a couple of days ago.

No child should ever be left sleeping in a tent in a garden without an adult present, no matter how big the garden, or where it is.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/12/2016 00:18

Hi Tamzin
My first thought was about little Sophie Hook. However I was scared to mention the case for fear of unintentionally upsetting anyone.
Such a tragic and terrifying case.

Italiangreyhound · 21/12/2016 00:39

YANBU. Absolutely appalling.

Not safe. No more sleep overs. And I would have to tell the mum what I thought of her negligent attitude.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/12/2016 00:53

Awful, the lack of communication and preparation is not acceptable at all, no matter how relaxed parents are.

No torch, no planning, no kit, no phone/ walkie talkie, no supervision, no back up plan etc etc etc.

And how could they think it was ok not to even let you know what was happening?

Original poster
user1477282676 · 21/12/2016 04:18

Just to clarify...DH stood by the den while he called the little girl's mum...he never left her alone!

He rang and rang and eventually the Mum picked up the phone. She came down....he just waited on the phone till he saw her coming out of the house.

He then put the phone down and said "We're off now then"

OP posts:
SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 04:53

Shock How on earth could knowingly they have left one little girl out there alone? Shock

Completely irresponsible of them to have let them sleep there in the first place. It would have served the stupid parents right if your DH had just taken DD and let the other child wake up in the morning and find her gone. You could have just let them sweat it out for a bit.

But of course in reality your DH couldn't do that because he's not the sort of moron who would knowingly leave a little girl sleeping outside all by herself the whole night and if anything had happened to her he'd have somehow felt responsible.

Can't believe the mother didn't come and get her in after the phone call. Just mind blowing.

Motherfuckers · 21/12/2016 05:01

That is not quite what you said in the OP though. I don't think this is neglect, just different parenting.