Was this neglectful? Regarding DD's sleepover

[user1477282676]

DD is 8 and is good friends with a little girl 5 doors down. They don't attend the same school but over this year they've forged a lovely friendship.

This is Australia so 5 doors down is quite a distance compared to how it would be in the UK...all the houses on the street are detached and have very large gardens...we have no problem with DD running up the road to her mate's house to call for her and her friend does the same.

The issue is this. The street backs onto a large golf course...massive with a lot of old trees....the neighbours back garden, like ours...is backed onto the course.

Last night DD was asked to sleepover there and we agreed this was fine.

I spoke to her on the phone at about 8.00pm and she was happy, said goodnnight....she mentioned they were playing in the "den" in friend's back garden which is right by the back gate...the "den' is a broken down play house...wooden but not at all air or insect proof...there's a large hole on one side and it's usually mucky.

Anyway...about 11.00pm DH takes our dog for his evening walk...he goes all around the golf course and returns on a route taking him past the friend's back gate...he is about 50 feet from the house walking along when he hears this sad voice shouting "Mummy!" Mummy!" he realises it's DD!

He calls her name and she shouts "Daddy!" and he goes up to the den to see her...turns out they've been allowed to sleep out in this den...and the friend has gone into a deep sleep from which she can't be woken...DD is scared witless by the sounds of the wildlife...this area is full of wild animals...and she is too scared to go to the house to get her mate's Mother as the garden is so long and she'd been calling out for ages...

Is it a bit off to let two little girls sleep in a den like that...completely acessible from the golf course...very little protection from weather and out of earshot of the main house?

I might be being a bit precious so thought I'd ask. DH phoned the friend's mother whilst he stood there with DD and she laughed...she was in bed, asleep...he told her DD wanted to come home so he thought he'd let her know as the friend was now alone in the den...the mother just said "that's fine" and went!

DD was so relieved to be home!

Nope. That's unacceptable. Far far too young.

It would be absolutely expected for an 8 year old girl, or even 2 of them to terrify themselves on a sleepover and not feel capable of walking to the house in the dark, even with a torch. We spooked ourselves out with the inside of our creepy school buildings when it was late after school even.

Not that I would do it but at minimum they should have a phone, or a walkie talker or a baby monitor to contact parents in another house.

Just so predictable what happened and really very distressing let alone how safe it all was in the first place. I'd be furious!!!

I thought about how my older DD would have coped...at 12 she says she would have just got herself out of there and made her way back home along the shared fence on the golf course....which highlights how the age thing is an issue...at 8 it was too much to contemplate. They had no torch! Poor DD...she's ok this morning though.

I would also be very upset. Completely neglectful in my eyes. That's the problem with sleepovers, not everyone's idea of good parenting is the same.
Thank goodness all is well.

Biscuit that's what DH said...they should have checked on them at about 10 or something and got them inside....or at least given them a phone! They didn't even ask me if I minded her sleeping outside.

Not acceptable at all and I'm so glad your DH was out and heard your DD!

I wonder what ur daughters little friend thought when she woke up from her deep sleep and her friend had vanished!

Probably thought a dingo had made off with her!

Glad she's ok x

Milk DH did think about not calling the Mother...she didn't answer for ages and he thought "If I just take her home, what will she think in the morning?"

It would have illustrated how bloody neglectful she'd been!

Glad she's ok. That was absolutely unacceptable.

If she stays away overnight she needs a phone so she can contact you if anything untoward seems to be happening.
How wonderful that her father heard her.

Not even a torch! Fucking idiots, I wouldn't even trust them with a hamster after that.

Time I know! DH was so relived...he'd almost taken the dog early and then he would have missed her....though we thought that the dog might have heard her and barked a lot....then we might have gone out to check.

YANBU. I would have been fuming.

YANBU! I'm a big fan of "garden camp-outs" as a way to let kids FEEL they have a bit of freedom whilst being close by and supervised.. but the "den" sounds totally unsuitable for camp-outs/sleeping in.

When I "garden camped" as a kid and when my kids do it with their cousins, it's in a PROPER tent with proper kit so they're warm (UK) and protected from midges and the tent is pitched with the door facing the back door of the house so they can run in for wees, can be seen from the window, and can decamp to the house if they freak each other out with ghost stories. We (the adults) also accept that it'll be no sleep for us as we check on them regularly. What happened to your daughter would not happen in a normal garden camp-out!

And only in well contained gardens, not on the edge of frickin golf courses!

I don't see a problem with sleeping out in the den. However it was obviously something DD was uncomfortable with and the parents should have let DD know that the back door was unlocked and she could come and sleep inside at any time.

God that's terrifying, the thought of my 8 year old dd being in that situation freaks me right out, as it would her. I would be fucking livid.

oh and for garden camp-outs: houselights are left on so it's not too dark and scary for them to come back in for wees or to tell tales on each other!

Another Aussie here and no I would not be at all happy with that. Not because of the wildlife (I'm assuming the shed would have been checked for snakes/spiders first, though in this case maybe not...) but such a lack of supervision of such young children and especially the mothers response (laughing) would make me furious. I'd be saying absolutely no more sleepovers.

I'm Australian and I would not be happy about that at all. You should have been informed that they may be sleeping outside and you could have decided but that decision was not given to you to make. Very disrespectful to you and weird that she thinks that is ok and that they would be fine. Camping maybe in a tent in a secure fenced yard at a stretch but in a hut near a golf course that's strange. It's definitely not an "Australian thing"

I don't see a problem with sleeping out in the den.

Seriously? Cause I'm an adult and I like wild camping, but I wouldn't sleep out that exposed without at least a proper bivy bag/mossie net and torch!

The "Den" does not sound like some sort of glampey garden house!

At 8 years old there is no way my daughter would have been sleeping out with her friend without an adult, especially if it wasn't a secure garden. It's not rocket science to see that a kid at that age may well be scared once it gets dark.

This is Australia so 5 doors down is quite a distance compared to how it would be in the UK...all the houses on the street are detached and have very large gardens. Yes because there are no streets like that in the UK and we all live in inner city London and have tiny terraced houses . Any way, I would be furious but at 8 my children were not allowed to sleepover anyway.

Yanbu . I'd be really upset. Completely different scenario to sleeping in a tent or playhouse in an enclosed garden near the house.