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Original poster

Was this neglectful? Regarding DD's sleepover

154 replies

user1477282676 · 20/12/2016 21:32

DD is 8 and is good friends with a little girl 5 doors down. They don't attend the same school but over this year they've forged a lovely friendship.

This is Australia so 5 doors down is quite a distance compared to how it would be in the UK...all the houses on the street are detached and have very large gardens...we have no problem with DD running up the road to her mate's house to call for her and her friend does the same.

The issue is this. The street backs onto a large golf course...massive with a lot of old trees....the neighbours back garden, like ours...is backed onto the course.

Last night DD was asked to sleepover there and we agreed this was fine.

I spoke to her on the phone at about 8.00pm and she was happy, said goodnnight....she mentioned they were playing in the "den" in friend's back garden which is right by the back gate...the "den' is a broken down play house...wooden but not at all air or insect proof...there's a large hole on one side and it's usually mucky.

Anyway...about 11.00pm DH takes our dog for his evening walk...he goes all around the golf course and returns on a route taking him past the friend's back gate...he is about 50 feet from the house walking along when he hears this sad voice shouting "Mummy!" Mummy!" he realises it's DD!

He calls her name and she shouts "Daddy!" and he goes up to the den to see her...turns out they've been allowed to sleep out in this den...and the friend has gone into a deep sleep from which she can't be woken...DD is scared witless by the sounds of the wildlife...this area is full of wild animals...and she is too scared to go to the house to get her mate's Mother as the garden is so long and she'd been calling out for ages...

Is it a bit off to let two little girls sleep in a den like that...completely acessible from the golf course...very little protection from weather and out of earshot of the main house?

I might be being a bit precious so thought I'd ask. DH phoned the friend's mother whilst he stood there with DD and she laughed...she was in bed, asleep...he told her DD wanted to come home so he thought he'd let her know as the friend was now alone in the den...the mother just said "that's fine" and went!

DD was so relieved to be home!

OP posts:
kissmelittleass · 21/12/2016 05:16

My dd is nearly 8 and there is no way I would have been ok with that situation. I would if been extremely upset and fearful for what could of happened so easily. I would be fuming with the mother she seems to be very relaxed with such a young child. I would never let dd stay there again and yanbu I think it was neglect full stop although not intentional I just think the mother has a different view on parenting and is far too much relaxed for the world we live in now. Thank god your dh passed the house at the right moment.

ICJump · 21/12/2016 05:22

I'm a but Hmm at the hand wringing. At 8 I'd expect a child to be able to walk into a house.
Recently my 5 year old slept outside at my parents house and we regular have snakes in

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 05:26

Something similar happened to my DS once. He went to a friend's birthday sleepover when they were about 10. There were about 8 of them in a huge tent in the garden which was large, lots of trees surrounding it, and not secure.

The boys had their bonfire and their late night games and all settled down to sleep and the parents LOCKED THE DOORS TO THE HOUSE because they didn't want to be disturbed with them running in and out all night and told them if they needed the loo to go in the trees.

Halfway through the night some of the more 'lively' boys decided it would be a great idea to all sneak out and walk into the village which is on an estuary with mud flats, big sailing area with easy access to water and an unsupervised boatyard.

The others didn't want to seem like scaredy cats so they all agreed to go, with the exception of one boy who had already fallen asleep and was the type to have been too nervous to go along for the larks anyway.

So the others went wandering around the waterfront and boatyard at 1am Hmm and the other child woke up, found himself all alone in the dark and got hysterical. Tried to get into the house (very large old house, very large garden) and the parents either didn't hear the doorbell or just refused to answer it.

Poor child was left alone in an absolutely terrified state but he had a mobile phone on him so rang his mum.

You can imagine how that conversation panned out between all the parents once they'd all heard what had happened. Hmm

Motherfuckers · 21/12/2016 05:42

Locking the house is not cool, but he had a mobile phone....?!

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 05:50

Yes but he didn't have any numbers for the parents whose house he was at! Only his own parents, who were 15 miles away.

ICJump · 21/12/2016 05:52

15 miles is what 5 minutes drive?

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 05:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 05:58

Oh I see you are not a troll. sorry. Blush

And you are Australian. I don't know how fast you drive in Australia, Grin but no, on rural roads 15 miles would take about half an hour.

NotGoingOut17 · 21/12/2016 05:59

Not quite IC. At 60mph it'd be 15 mins but I doubt it'd be a 60 mph road around residential areas so realistically could be more like 25-30 min drive. Poor kid, I'd have been terrified to wake up alone like that.
That said I have many happy memories of sleeping in friends back gardens as kids but I think, from what I remember, we had a way of getting back in.

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 06:02

Me too Notgoing and I've allowed my kids to do it when there have been a few of them. Our garden is large and in a rural area and not particularly secure either, but it is in a very quiet area where the chances of anyone being within half a mile at least (apart from neighbouring houses which are spaced well apart) would be very slim.

But they haven't been without torches and phones and they have been 30 feet from the back door which was always left unlocked. And my bedroom overlooked where they'd pitched their tent.

And there were no snakes, mozzies or deadly spiders.

Motherfuckers · 21/12/2016 06:02

Shortest troll hunt ever... Why bother? it wasn't even inflammatory.

SelfCleaningVagina · 21/12/2016 06:06

I thought it was. It struck me as goady and ridiculous to suggest that it was no big deal as the parents were only 5 minutes away. A) that was clearly not the case and B) it was irrelevant as the point was that the child was alone, distressed, locked out of the house and ignored by the people who were supposedly responsible for his welfare that night.

Anyway, I apologised for making assumptions too quickly and retracted it.

HermioneWoozle · 21/12/2016 06:12

FFS, Lou, stop arguing with the OP over semantics. It was you who introduced the NSPCC definition of neglect, the OP was entirely correct to use the word "neglectful".

HermioneWoozle · 21/12/2016 06:18

I totally agree with the OP.

I don't agree with whoever said that no child should ever be able to sleep out in the garden ever because of the risk of kidnap. Bonkers.

ICJump · 21/12/2016 06:27

Never been called a troll before. Yeah it wasn't meant to be goady at all just pointing that it's not a massive deal. He had a phone called his mum and dad. Even 15 or 20 minutes is that long really. And presumably the parents would have called the house and woken the "lockers"
I don't think they should have locked the doors.

ICJump · 21/12/2016 06:28

Oh and your meant to report me to MNHQ if you think I'm hairy handed Wink

drinkingchanelno5 · 21/12/2016 06:36

Australian here. You are being precious.

DollyPlastic · 21/12/2016 06:38

Why wouldn't the other child wake up?

Isn't that odd?

Miserylovescompany2 · 21/12/2016 06:42

I guess it's similar to camping without the parents? Or in a tent fitted with insect nets. I'd be frightened as an adult. All those insect/animal noises would be hugely personified. Then you factor in two little vulnerable girls alone. Thank The Lord it was your husband hearing her cries and not some random opportunist?

Yes, I'd agree it is neglectful.

lizzieoak · 21/12/2016 06:43

I don't like the idea that the parents of the friend could not hear her. I'm not up on what wild beasties could get her in Oz. In Canada I'd not allow it where we live because of wild animals that actually do kill people. Annually. I think it's madness that anyone camps outdoors here (but I'm a minority of one), but certainly not kids.

ICJump · 21/12/2016 06:47

I'm with you in the camping in Canada thing lizzie bears? I mean actual bears?

At least we just have snakes and they leave you alone

claraschu · 21/12/2016 07:08

The only thing that would bother me here is that your child got upset.

I wouldn't be concerned about wildlife or passing murderers or having to walk a little way in the dark to get to the friend's house. I just think the mother should have made a plan about what to do if one of the girls woke up and was scared, which was an obvious risk.

I think the fact that so many people are afraid to give their kids freedom and confidence outdoors is very sad.

mathanxiety · 21/12/2016 07:10

I agree with you, OP. A lot could have gone wrong.

I also want to know what makes a child fall into a deep sleep from which she can't be woken.

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/12/2016 07:10

I wouldn't have left my child there and I'd be absolutely tamping with the parents. Thank god your DH found her/heard her cries not some random!

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/12/2016 07:11

clara I'd be quite happy to let a 8yr old sleep out but not in this scenario

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