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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 month baby alone at home, neighbour with baby monitor

211 replies

hydrangea78 · 19/12/2016 21:19

Neighbour has offered to babysit.
My partner thinks we should put our 16 month old to sleep then let the neighbour babysit from the comfort of her own home (semi-detached property) and just hand her our video monitor. I completely disagree and WWIII has now broken out. AIBU?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 19/12/2016 23:27

Yes because what you want with a fire is to open the front door and let in lots of air Hmm

Even just ordinarily, who wants to be sitting comfy on the sofa and then have to put outdoor shoes on, find keys and go round through two front doors to check on baby? And then go all the way back home again?

Baby monitors cannot smell gas, smoke, detect running water, see vomit, check temperatures or any other things a person babysitting can.

Yes the risks are small, but if something did happen would you really want to be saying "it's a shame, but it just seemed so much easier to watch the telly next door instead of in the same house".

Why run the risk? For what benefit? it would have to be the better option or why do it at all?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 19/12/2016 23:28

You also can't accidentally lock yourself out with the baby in the house if you're not schlepping between the two.

w12newmum · 19/12/2016 23:31

What bannabread and smelly boot said. These responses are ott

Footinmouthasusual · 19/12/2016 23:32

I just can't imagine any night out would make this worth doing.

Ridiculous idea. Get a proper babysitter or stay in like other parents.

MoreBushThanMoss · 19/12/2016 23:33

I wonder how old the DH is???

For context- mine is 50. FIL was 50 when DP was born. So DP grew up with parents who were born in the 1910s/1920s and thought nothing of leaving babies alone with the dog in charge Shock

This has coloured some of DPs own views, and i basically had to
Modern- parenting re-educate him before DS was born, to ensure he was 21st century dad- ready

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 19/12/2016 23:35

This is how quickly an electrical fire takes hold. It's unlikely but not impossible.

It would be nice and blazing before the first smoke alarm had sounded and then opening the door would fuel it with oxygen. Assuming you'd want to run into a smoke filled burning building instead of out of one.

Whathappendexactly · 19/12/2016 23:37

It feels wrong as there will be no adult between baby and the front door.

Crumbs1 · 19/12/2016 23:38

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

It is illegal and likely to result in arrest or at least significant investigation by local authority child protection team.

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 23:38

Even if nothing awful happened, it seems a lonely thing that a baby hasn't anyone close enough to just give it a little stroke if it's grizzling in its sleep for some reason. You might run upstairs but you'd hardly bother to go next door.

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:41

Reading through this thread, there are some totally ott responses. The OPs DH probably just thought it would be easier for the babysitter without placing the toddler at any significant additional risk, which with a video intercom with a next door neighbour the toddler wouldn't be! This incident does not mean he's an inadequate, neglectful dad, and to speak of SS involvement is ridiculously OTT.

Kel1234 · 19/12/2016 23:42

No way, either she comes and sits in your house, or the baby goes to her house. Of course her coming to you is easiest for so many reasons.

Blackbird82 · 19/12/2016 23:45

We also have a video link to our sons room that is run via internet connection.

Occasionally there is interference with the signal and the clock stops, the video pauses. If I hadn't been monitoring in the past then it would have been 'stuck' all night! This could easily happen with your neighbour. Your baby might be in distress and she could be non the wiser thinking the video link was working.

Don't risk it. It's absolutely NOT worth it and your husband is being a dick.

Patriciathestripper1 · 19/12/2016 23:47

Are you being serious ??
You would leave your child unattended at home and have someone sit in another house and check via video??
Wtf are you thinking!
I wonder what ss would think about that bright idea. Some people Confused

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:48

It is illegal and likely to result in arrest or at least significant investigation by local authority child protection team.

In the circumstances the OP mentioned, the child would be monitored and an adult available within a very short period of required. although not ideal and I wouldn't recommend it, the additional risk involved would be tiny and would not amount to neglect.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 19/12/2016 23:49

This is an interesting read. We live in a block of flats, ours in on the ground floor and some very good friends (who have no children) live two floors up. They've repeatedly mentioned that we should put our DD to bed, and go up for dinner at there flat. I was pretty quick to pour water over that idea and my DH agreed. I cited fire, gas etc as my reasoning, but worried I sounded paranoid and they really didn't get it. The big house analogy was used and I see where they were coming from (though they are still wrong).

Ultimately though, I framed it like this: if something happened and the police were called/our DD hospitalised/SS involved could I justify it to them? I couldn't.

Lorelei76 · 19/12/2016 23:51

To the poster saying OTT response, that was my only experience of fire but for that reason, I'd say faffing with a key and possibly running upstairs to get baby out is not a good plan. In small flats it was easier to run away quickly. Not that I'm advocating babysitting for the flat next door via monitor either!!

It just seems such an insane suggestion.

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:52

Occasionally there is interference with the signal and the clock stops, the video pauses. If I hadn't been monitoring in the past then it would have been 'stuck' all night!

That's rather crap and I wouldn't be happy with that... the old fashioned one I had when mine were young let out a warning bleep if connection was lost or the battery was low.

SpiritedLondon · 19/12/2016 23:52

Wow what a question. Let me tell you that my father was at home when he heard a weird sound in the kitchen. Smoke was coming out the back of an integrated appliance. ( he couldn't get it out). Called the fire brigade who told him to leave. By the time they arrived the kitchen was destroyed and half the house smoke logged. ( bearing in mind he was there from the very start). Now imagine your neighbour. How bad would a fire be before she heard the smoke alarms go off. What if the fire was blocking her way upstairs? How much does she love your child? Enough to run through flames? There was a case somewhere last year ( maybe?) where several children left home alone perished in a fire. Mother came home while the fire brigade were there and tried to make out she'd not been out. Was seen pulling up in her car. Tell your husband he is a dick.

Trifleorbust · 19/12/2016 23:56

I don't think it is neglect but I think it is indicative of a very casual attitude to parenting that would worry me if I was responsible for making a decision about whether to investigate the family. If they are willing to do this, what else are they doing?

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:59

How bad would a fire be before she heard the smoke alarms go off

Surely the monitor would pick them up very clearly!

TheProblemOfSusan · 20/12/2016 00:00

Good god no. NO. I don't even have any children but good god no. For several reasons, mostly mentioned above:

  • fire, sudden choking, any emergency that require totally immediate attention (which I could be wrong on but still happen at todderlish age I guess?)
  • lots of crying - panicky kids need someone I think?
  • locked doors you suddenly can't open
  • magically mobile child that miraculously pegs it over a baby gate and headfirst down stairs
  • happy babysitter falls asleep in own home (I would be so much more likely to do this on my own sofa and am an otherwise excellent babysitter)
  • poorly sausage just needs someone to give her a quick love to say they're around and the baby is safe but it's a hassle to get to them.

So basically: nope.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 20/12/2016 00:01

Ffs yes it would pick them up and the fire would be well established by then.

Take one minute and watch that video Banana.

Blackbird82 · 20/12/2016 00:02

Yes I agree, it's very crap. Thankfully it's only happened a few times and he's a toddler now so we don't rely on it anymore.

Lorelei76 · 20/12/2016 00:05

Banana, seriously
Neighbours boiler exploded
Yes his smoke alarm went off in seconds
But these are small flats, all he had to do was exit, bang on my door by which time my hall had smoke in it...
We exited through thick black smoke in the corridor seconds after the boiler went up

You want her to open the door and get the baby out in that time, possibly from up a flight of stairs?

What the actual fuck?

Lorelei76 · 20/12/2016 00:06

Oh I have asthma btw
I imagine a wee baby's lungs would cope with even less smoke than mine!!

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