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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 month baby alone at home, neighbour with baby monitor

211 replies

hydrangea78 · 19/12/2016 21:19

Neighbour has offered to babysit.
My partner thinks we should put our 16 month old to sleep then let the neighbour babysit from the comfort of her own home (semi-detached property) and just hand her our video monitor. I completely disagree and WWIII has now broken out. AIBU?

OP posts:
user1466690252 · 19/12/2016 22:07

It would out me totally im afraid. Its nothing sinister, like a games room kinda thing. I spend time practising on my own out there, but would be nice to have a game wiyh dh once in a while, but it doesn't really need the effort if a babysitter if tou know what I mean

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 22:09

Genuinely, if it was found out you were locking your 16 month old child alone in the house with the burglar alarm on and a monitor with the neighbours id expect social services at your door.

So what happens if the boiler breaks down, the temp drops, your baby gets really cold and doesn't cry. What if there's a fire? What if someone breaks in? Sure the alarm will go off, but hey they're in the house and your neighbour isn't. How mobile is your child? Can they climb out the cot? Could they hurt themselves, where they extra couple of mins it takes for her to get her shoes on, grab the key, run next door, unlock it reset the alarm and then go up to him make a difference?

If you suggested to me I baby sit your child like this, that you wanted to lock them in the house alone and give me a monitor i would say no, I would not be involved in that nor would I take responsibility for the period the child was locked up alone.

Original poster
hydrangea78 · 19/12/2016 22:10

Sapphira - we'd like to go out for a meal, hence thinking about asking neighbour to babysit.

MoreBush - 'Just sounds like one of those stupid things some men suggest,…' Yep, that's exactly it.

He's normally a very attentive parent FWIW. Does at least one day of childcare a week and they have a lovely relationship. Garage/workshop is at the end of our small garden, baby monitor works in it. I cannot imagine stopping him from popping up there to get tools etc occasionally when she naps. He would go out of his mind.

OP posts:
Della1 · 19/12/2016 22:10

No way!
What if there is a fire????

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/12/2016 22:13

My youngest is 17 weeks.

I have an alarm thingy attached to my belt the shed is less than 2 ft away from the side door it is closer to the baby than the front door is so no different to answering the door, no different to going to the loo or having a shower

Kreeshsheesh · 19/12/2016 22:14

What if a fire broke out?

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 22:15

I wouldn't have him in the bottom of the garden with a 16 month old in the house and I wouldn't consider for one moment going out at night with someone monitoring from a different house. Someone needs to be in the same building as a baby that age - that is, as far as I would think, completely non negotiable.

If that makes me a smotherer, l can live with that very easily. My husband would be horrified by the idea, too. In fact, I don't think I have met a parent who would be able to do this.

MrsBlennerhassett · 19/12/2016 22:16

Erm well if it were an emergency or nessasacry for some reason to do that then i suppose it would be okay, better than nothing!!... but just for the sake of it? Probably not. It would be much safer for your neighbour to be in the same building. If she wants to stay in her house can your baby not stay there in a travel cot??

DeadGood · 19/12/2016 22:17

"What if she takes her eyes off the monitor or dozes off? In the same house the baby would cry out and be heard what if she falls asleep and the monitor somehow stops working there will be no way for her to hear he baby!"

"there was a boiler fire in my neighbours flat, the boiler went up in seconds. If he hadn't been in to smell it, I wouldn't have got out the building that fast."

"So in an emergency she would also have to turn off a burglar alarm before being able to get to the baby?"

"So what happens if the boiler breaks down, the temp drops, your baby gets really cold and doesn't cry. What if there's a fire? What if someone breaks in? Sure the alarm will go off, but hey they're in the house and your neighbour isn't."

ALL of these things.

MoreBushThanMoss · 19/12/2016 22:17

user - forgive me. Unnecessary aspersions (envy. 3 months PP. can only dream of time alone. With or without DP, not bovved)

OP if he's just being a Shit Bloke, (rather than a Negligent Parent) I'd just reason with him and then tell him how it's going to happen- with the babysitter in the house- and why. If he's generally thoughtless often though, maybe suggest he takes a parenting workshop so you're relieved of the responsibility of educating the eejit. I believe they exist aimed at dads ....

YouOKHun · 19/12/2016 22:17

Gas leak?
Fire downstairs?

^^ this. In some circumstances there is no replacement for being in the same building!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/12/2016 22:18

Just incase I have not explained what I mean my answers are relating to him going to the garage not the ridiculous baby sitting plan

LuluJakey1 · 19/12/2016 22:38

Put it this way, as a Deputy Head who was the designated teacher for Safeguarding, I would have had to report this if a parent told me this is what they did. It is totally not the right thing to do- you are right and he is wrong.

Allthewaves · 19/12/2016 22:42

In one word 'no'. Friend dis this all the time when having a drink next door - fills me with dread

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 19/12/2016 22:44

What does he need tools for when looking after a baby? Confused

What are the benefits of being next door rather than being in the house? What does he think the babysitter will be doing other than sitting watching TV which she might as well do in your house.

I just can't think of one single sensible reason why being next door is better than being in the same house.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/12/2016 22:47

One day a week of childcare just makes him a dad, same as it would make you a mum. Surely any decent man should be doing that anyhow.

BusyBeez99 · 19/12/2016 22:57

I babysat recently with a baby on a monitor and I still went up to check. Definitely same house - is there a reason they can't come to yours? If they can't then travel cot at their house. Your won't relax otherwise

MistressMolecules · 19/12/2016 23:01

WTAF?!?! Absolutely no way on this earth would I leave my child, any child, in that sort of scenario. Your partner needs to put his brain in gear if he even has one! You are not unreasonable at all and not "smothering mothering". You are being a responsible parent, he is just being an idiot!

2kidsandcounting · 19/12/2016 23:07

Is your partner for real? How on earth could he contemplate leaving your 16 month old baby alone in your house? That is highly irresponsible and I hope you are not even entertaining the idea.

DeleteOrDecay · 19/12/2016 23:11

Just sounds like one of those stupid things some men suggest, then realise how foolish they've been

This, my dp once asked if I'd give him a lift to work one evening (he literally works 5minutes up the road). The dc were in bed upstairs and I flat out told him that no, it wasn't happening and why it wasn't happening. He realised quickly what a stupid suggestion it was in the first place but I was very Hmm and Angry during that conversation.

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:14

I agree that the babysitter should be in the same house.... but i think the reaction of many posters is alarmist and excessive if the neighbour's house is immediately next door.

If she's next door and the monitor's in range she'll hear the baby and be able to attend to the baby in a very short period.

If there's a fire, presuming there's are smoke alarms, she'd hear them too, and be in quickly.

A break-in, Madeleine McCann style - well, that would surely be picked up on the baby monitor too!.... and if the intruder was so quiet that they weren't, well that could happen to anyone anywhere unless you stand guard over your baby all night!

Boiler breaks down... if you're living in the U.K. at present it's chilly but not dangerously cold. There was no heating upstairs in most houses until the past generation and toddlers didn't die from cold on somewhat chilly evenings!

In summary, whereas I think the babysitter should be in the same house, the risk of her not being is so small that it really doesn't warrant the general, rather hysterical, responses to this thread.

NapQueen · 19/12/2016 23:19

It comes down to the fact that your baby would be home alone. Irrespective of the monitor and what not. Alone.

I live in the lower flat of a pair. There's one front door and behind it, mine and Mrs Upstairs front door. I still wouldn't pop up to hers for any length of time and leave the dcs downstairs because they would technically be alone in our home.

If I'm in the back yard I'm still within the confines of my property and as such I'm home too. But if I cross the thresh of my own front door they are home alone.

Bananabread123 · 19/12/2016 23:23

It comes down to the fact that your baby would be home alone. Irrespective of the monitor and what not. Alone.

Isn't it the time it would take to reach the child and the awareness of threats that's the issue though? They're alone in their room!

smellyboot · 19/12/2016 23:23

I wouldnt, but loads I know would go round to neighbours for a drink and do it for short periods. They would sit in garden with babys window in sight and stuff like that. I would never expect a babysitter to do it.
I think its normal myself to potter in your own garage / garden etc whilst a baby naps or is asleep early eve. We did major garden rennovations when ours were little and went out doing that every eve when they asleep ... mine screamed so loud when they woke up you would never miss it.

NapQueen · 19/12/2016 23:24

Eh?

I'm. Not on about when babies are alone in their room. I'm on about them being alone in the property in which they live. The whole house.