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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 month baby alone at home, neighbour with baby monitor

211 replies

hydrangea78 · 19/12/2016 21:19

Neighbour has offered to babysit.
My partner thinks we should put our 16 month old to sleep then let the neighbour babysit from the comfort of her own home (semi-detached property) and just hand her our video monitor. I completely disagree and WWIII has now broken out. AIBU?

OP posts:
FedUpBird · 19/12/2016 21:26

I've done this before, she's happy I'm happy. DD was fast asleep handed neighbour monitor with a key and went out. Only the same as being downstairs, only a wall between her and your kid.

Sirzy · 19/12/2016 21:26

Two locked doors inbetween makes it different to a large house/being sat in the back garden etc.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 19/12/2016 21:26

Gas leak?
Fire downstairs?
Absolutely no way would I do this? If she has to stay in her own home could you set up a travel cot and put the baby to sleep there?

SapphiraBlueBell · 19/12/2016 21:27

Where are you going that is so important you would consider leaving your baby home alone?

Hmm
arethereanyleftatall · 19/12/2016 21:28

Yanbu.
Whilst distance wise, it's probably less than a large house between baby and neighbour; there's 2 locked doors and an external path between them, which is too much.

Mind, in the olden days, the people on our street would have parties in each other's houses all the time, leaving their own dc home alone and popping back occasionally. Bonkers.

Daisyfrumps · 19/12/2016 21:28

So what's his problem OP? Why doesn't he want her in your home?

Daisyfrumps · 19/12/2016 21:28

Or is he uncomfortable asking for favours?

DeleteOrDecay · 19/12/2016 21:30

YANBU, I would be insisting she come and sit in your house.

Twozealotmorethan1 · 19/12/2016 21:30

No way. I can think of any social occasion that would be important enough for me to do this.
In a true emergency possibly but even then I can't see that this would be a good option or the only option.
Neighbour in your house at least.
My children are used to me responding to them more or less immediately that they need me (I don't leave them to cry unless it's unavoidable) so if they woke, the time it would take the neighbour to come in would be longer than they're used to I would say.

Twozealotmorethan1 · 19/12/2016 21:31

can't think of a social occasion....

AwkwardSquad · 19/12/2016 21:31

I wouldn't accept that suggestion if I was the babysitter.

Anatidae · 19/12/2016 21:34

Nope.

What if say the child vomits and chokes? Or there's a fire? It'd take her too long to go round.

Child needs to be in the same premises as the sitter. This is non negotiable.

mygorgeousmilo · 19/12/2016 21:36

This is fucking horrible! Why does he have such little regard for your 16mo ?? Gas leaks, break ins, random electrical fires - all sorts could happen. What is important enough to leave your precious baby alone in a house?! Reading back I think I sound a bit hysterical, but really can't get my head around the need to leave a baby alone! Bizarre

Original poster
hydrangea78 · 19/12/2016 21:38

Neighbour is very sensible and it would probably not cross her mind to stay at home. I would warmly welcome her into ours.
Partner thinks with burglar alarm, fire alarms and the baby monitor she would be more closely monitored next door than ever.
He has also used the garage analogy. I don't have a problem with him popping to the garage in the day when DD is napping. But this feels different. I've just been accused of 'smothering mothering'. Sigh.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/12/2016 21:40

So in an emergency she would also have to turn off a burglar alarm before being able to get to the baby? Even more bonkers then!

cheekyfunkymonkey · 19/12/2016 21:40

Not a chance. I wouldn't be going out with him if that's seriously his attitude.

FedUpBird · 19/12/2016 21:41

Never understood this paranoia on MN, how is it any different to you being asleep at night? The lady would have a video monitor so would be able to see if anything happened, if your child was sick in the night you wouldn't see it if you were asleep Confused

cheekyfunkymonkey · 19/12/2016 21:41

Also if I was the neighbour no way I would agree to babysit from next door!

theconstantinoplegardener · 19/12/2016 21:41

I doubt that he has little regard for the baby. He's probably just doing it out of consideration for the neighbour. None the less, I personally wouldn't be happy with this arrangement, for all the reasons stated above (fire, intruder, gas leak).

Birdsgottafly · 19/12/2016 21:46

""He has also used the garage analogy. I don't have a problem with him popping to the garage in the day when DD is napping. ""

So there's already a level of neglect happening and he wants to start building on that?

I think that you are going to have to be the Parent that safeguards her physical and emotional wellbeing.

She's still a baby and has a risk of choking/high temp etc, none of which can be dealt with by video monitor. Or from a distance.

What is so important that your baby is left alone? What is it that you are both putting before her wellbeing?

Daisyfrumps · 19/12/2016 21:47

I've just been accused of 'smothering mothering'. Sigh.

He should run his 'fantastic idea' by the NSPCC then and see what they have to say about it Hmm

Lovewineandchocs · 19/12/2016 21:48

I wouldn't do it, for all the reasons previously mentioned. Why is he so insistent on it that it is causing WWIII? If the neighbour expects to babysit at yours this should be a non issue. Is there more to this situation?

Trifleorbust · 19/12/2016 21:48

Absolutely not. A baby monitor is all very well but if anything happens in the house (like a fire or a burglary of a lock breaking) then your baby is all alone. Just not appropriate in any way.

chickenowner · 19/12/2016 21:49

Absolutely not.

MoreBushThanMoss · 19/12/2016 21:51

Just sounds like one of those stupid things some men suggest, then realise how foolish they've been, but don't want to back down. Now he probably feels like he's being judged as a parent- and even though he knows he's wrong, he feels he has to stand his ground.

My DP had allllllll kinds of 'interesting' ideas about how we could be 'relaxed' parents/ where we could leave the baby/ where he would sleep/ how much stuff he thought the baby didn't need etc etc..... Then the baby came. Now he's texting me his (overzealous) suggestions in the morning about what outer layers the baby will need when we go out so he doesn't get a chill Hmm