To say to the council - you deal with it

[Lazyjane76]

I have been with my partner for 22 years, his relationship with his mum has been difficult over the years. He grew up with her threatening suicide regularly, at 9 she would tell him she would be dead when he returned from school. In the last few years he has managed a reasonable relationship with her, visiting once a week.
He has a brother who is severely disabled and lives in supported accommodation, he has behavioural problems and becomes aggressive when he drinks.
Last Sunday his mum had a brain haemorrhage. She was in intensive care where her condition kept improving and then deteriorating. She passed away on Wednesday.
All week we'd been told different things as her condition kept changing. this is no ones fault but we went from speaking about organ donation to rehabilitation to sitting at her bedside as she passed.
I'm obviously upset but I'm very angry.
She was 63, she brought up her 2 sons alone - my partner and his brother with severe learning difficulties. She cared for her disabled mum too. She had significant health problems - almost completely deaf, high blood pressure, asthma, depression and osteoarthritis from lifting her own mother out of a wheelchair. She used to have life insurance but cancelled it because she had to pay bedroom tax and couldn't afford it. She begged to move into a smaller property for years.
Eventually she moved to a council bungalow.
Over the last few years she has been systematically bullied by the DWP into getting a job. She had a 'fit for work' appointment a month ago, 1 year from her retirement where after her assessment she was told that she 'might get better'. Friday we were at her bungalow and a letter came informing her that she had to attend another assessment to assess her capability.
She has 19p in her bank account, she has a partner of 25 years who is a pensioner but they didn't live together.
We have no money,we work but live payday to payday. The council have said we need to borrow the money for a funeral from "somewhere". Where? And should we? My partner is pragmatic, in his opinion his mum passed on Sunday it just took until Wednesday for her body to catch up.
Does everyone else have thousands in the back that they can use for this?
As far as the council is concerned it's my partner's responsibility as next of kin, her partner doesn't count.
Am I being unreasonable to make the council pay?

The undertakers had the body with them for a few days, maybe up to a week.

After reading some of the comments on this thread regarding dealings with local councils,I have come to the conclusion that council offices are staffed by people who are completely out of touch with reality,and live in cloud cuckoo land -

Sigh.... have you not heard of local government cuts...?

actually i dont know what I even bothered to post that comment above . except we who work in councils hear this stuff all the time, and its mostly down to central government cuts and having to make difficult decisions about what they can afford to fund any more

Sorry you are such a difficult time OP.. .. I would go to your local CAB or law centre..but yes it is unlikely your local council will fund this.. they simply do not have the money..

Neither does OP.

Laska5772 - I know, council workers (those that are left) have targets and budgets to stick to. I've no gripe with them but we as individuals have to make choices as to what we're prepared to do. There's another thread on here about a poster considering working for ATOS, thankfully she seems to have decided against it. If you don't have and uphold your core values, what's left?

Laska5772 - I get it, I really do. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that part of me considers the money she saved the government as a carer, the bedroom tax on a house she didn't want etc as having paid her dues.

Sorry Jane I didnt want this to turn into a political thing.. You are between a rock and a hard place.. and the sadly local government guts agenda from these last two governments have brought most councils into really hardship where they are having to make difficult funding decisions.

I do feel for you. but sadly whoever posted up thread that your council will try and recover their money if they pay , is correct.. Unless either your DP or his brother have a support worker who could make a representation , your best bet is a charity , or law centre/ CAB.

So sorry you are having to deal with it..

oops!! 'guts' agenda? ( - ripping out guts perhaps - it certainly feels like it !)

Cuts agenda

Are there any body farms in uk? Not as gruesome as it sounds, they allow bodies to decay in different conditions in order to help forensic analysis of time of death. Pretty worthwhile and once you're dead, you're dead. If her partner doesn't like it he can pay for a funeral himself/have a nice memorial somewhere that was meaningful to them both.

Have either you or your partner ever worked in the civil service? I know you said no to charity, but the charity for civil servants is there to pay for things like this. A friend of mine had to ask them for help and they were brilliant.

Oh yes, good thinking, Living , Unions do also OP.. if either you or your partner is a Union member

Now I've read all the thread I would advise not going to a meeting with the council tomorrow. What's the point? They will try to pile guilt and pressure on you both which will be exhausting, upsetting, stressful and pointless. I would be inclined to write an email saying you cannot pay for the funeral, that you find their contact distressing and will consider further contact from them on this matter to be an act of harassment.

Have a nice memorial, laugh and smile at some memories if possible and do not feel guilty!

Laska5772 - Don't worry! Everything's political! I just don't see how the council can hold us responsible for a debt for something we haven't agreed to. To be honest our credit rating's so poor even Phil Mitchell wouldn't lend us a bean.

neuroticmumof3 - there aren't unfortunately, I'd quite like that for myself!

LivingInMidnight - I've spoken to my union, there's not a lot they could offer except counselling. Not something I need to be honest!

neuroticmumof3 - we have to go to register the death, I am strong - I can do this.

V. Bad Idea of neuroticmum's .. OP, you could end up with ongpoing undertaker/ mortuary storage fees and legal costs as well if you disengage .. (I think..)
I am not an expert at this ( not my area of work at all) but an sure tha ignoring it wont help.. Do try and get some(free) advice.. Cab or Law centre will know of any schemes active going in your area..

Also your DPs brother or her Partner may be able to claim for a [[https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments Funeral payment? ) I havent read th e whole thread , perhaps this has been discussed.. Also as your DP is workin gunless you are getting any benefit, you may not be able .

Funeral Payment

Laska5772 - it's very kind of you to give up your time to help me, thanks so much x

Best of Luck Jane..

Your local council should be able to help..... check out Money saving expert pages on this.... you cannot be forced to pay

Was she ever in some sort of trade/industry which might have some sort of benevolent fund? Nursing, armed forces, teaching? Someone you could approach for help? Agree get yourself to CAB for advice.

Also the hospital will have a Chaplin who may be able to advise/advocate for you.

m.bracknell-forest.gov.uk/funeralnationalassistance

I know probably not your council but may be useful? Talks about where relatives aren't able or willing to pay. Keep repeating you're not able.

PossumInAPearTree - I saw that, your council seems very open. My council has a tiny paragraph, there's more info on how to dispose of a fridge!