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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE Christmas?

172 replies

Nikitra · 18/12/2016 18:45

I've been steadily going off Christmas for years. The stress, the expense, the falseness of it all ...

Today has been spent rushing around trying to buy last minute presents as I'm working from tomorrow until Christmas Eve, as is DH. Packed out shops, manic car parks, endless withdrawals from the cash machines to put into cards ...

DH spent all morning writing out Christmas cards slotting £30 a time into "important cards". We then went and bought a few presents for friends which the dog has promptly wrecked whilst I was in the shower. Fuck knows when I'll get time to replace them and of course ... more expense.

The whole idea pisses me off too. We're atheists yet because we're British we're more or less forced into celebrating a religious period which sees us running around like idiots, spending shit loads of money and writing out endless cards which will be thrown into the bin in a couple of weeks! So pointless!!!

This weekend my mum brought out cards. She had put £50 in ours. We have put £50 in hers. What is the point???

I know I sound like a right miserable old cow but am I really on my own with this?

I'm working every day next week yet now need to magic the time to re-buy the presents that the dog wrecked, buy cards, go "visiting" and go for coffee with various friends who have requested coffee dates in order to exchange cards and gifts. I just want to disappear!!

I'm a total introvert / antisocial at the best of times so this time of year stresses me to the very brim.

AIBU to think it's all a bit ridiculous?

OP posts:
Statelychangers · 19/12/2016 18:42

I don't visit my parents at Christmas - that is the Ghost of Christmas Hell. My mother became rabid on Christmas Day - regardless of how much we tried to take the stress off her - I used to do all the Christmas shopping for gifts on her behalf, including the deciding; all the grocery shopping; prepped all the veg, helped cook the dinner but my mother was still a martyr to the whole thing and every Christmas she melted into a pile pile of stress. And so because my mother was such a bloody nightmare around Xmas, I have tried to make it extra special for my kids - and while it's great that they love it - I think my Christmas joy bucket is empty and now I just fake it but only for my kids.

zukiecat · 22/12/2016 13:25

I got into a bit of a debate at work when someone asked me why I wasn't wearing a Christmas Jumper

When I replied that I didn't know I was supposed to, and in any case didn't have one, because I really don't like Christmas, she got uppity with me and said that was rubbish, everyone likes Christmas and I didn't know what I was talking about

This sort of attitude really annoys me, why do I have to like Christmas just because she loves it!

I tried telling her that Yule was my celebration, and that I marked it quietly with a simple ritual and meal with my pagan group, but she wasn't interested in that

I will have another simple meal on the 25th with my DDS, as they are not pagan, but that's as far as it goes

UnicornInDMboots · 22/12/2016 14:01

I have no feelings about Christmas other than the hyped retail side of I find pointless consumerism which frequently just seems to go overboard.b
But then again I don't celebrate it. I mean really don't do anything at all. 25th December is just like th 25th of any other month. People seem to be amazed by this and say things like 'wow you don't have to do all the stressful shopping" etc. No I do not and I am very glad.

I am another religion but we didn't go overboard for our festivals either. We learn about the cultural aspects of it and do traditional activities. Small gifts for our daughter (but they are linked to the festival in question) and we make donations to charity .

Poole5 · 22/12/2016 14:21

We're atheists yet because we're British we're more or less forced into celebrating a religious period which sees us running around like idiots, spending shit loads of money and writing out endless cards which will be thrown into the bin in a couple of weeks

Nobody is forcing anyone. I opted out years ago and it is wonderful. I watch lots of people running round getting stressed every year and then moaning about money worries.

Just don't do it! Simples Grin

humblesims · 22/12/2016 14:28

YANBU I wholeheartedly agree with you. I hate Christmas too and for all the reasons you state. It was better when the DCs were small and there seemed to be some point to it and it was kind of 'magical' but now they are nearly out of the nest and my DPs are dead I find teh whole thing a massive time and money waster. Its such a waste! I love a big meal and giving a few gifts but the whole month long run up and media hype and retail emotional blackmail spoils it altogether.

Lottapianos · 22/12/2016 14:46

Oh dear zukie. Some people really do have tiny little minds. Something tells me she's a muppet all year round, not just at Christmas

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 22/12/2016 14:50

If you don't want to do christmas, don't.

Your lack of organisation sounds vety stressful. Wrf are you putting money in cards, left, right and centre?

malificent7 · 22/12/2016 15:07

I find this thread quite sad. Christmas doesn't HAVE to be a massive expense. I like it but hate consumerism. I like the pagan idea of bringing a bit of light and joy into the hard Christmas months.
The decorations, excitement, feasting and booze makes the darkness and cold so much more bearable.

Wouldn't life be very drab if we resented spending money on anything fun? (which seems to be the case with many). I am skint but I go to Lidls for some absolute bargains. Fake Baileys for £3.00-bring it on!

The Works for bargain gifts-fab!

It's the excitement of the kids which I love.

I do get the feeling of being overwhelmed that people have. I don't like the waste but neither do I like this ultra frugal (every penny spent must have a point) mentality that otherwise well off people have.

TheNaze73 · 22/12/2016 15:15

YANBU if you feel that, as you can't argue a feeling.

I personally love Christmas, it's my favourite time of the year

user1470997562 · 22/12/2016 15:29

Thank you for posting. I feel like this too. I try to pretend for the dc's sake but I hate Christmas. The stress and frenzy, the money spent and having to see all my relatives in hoards. Some of them are horrible and don't give a shiny shit about us. But we go through this farce every year. I look forward to the day after Boxing Day when we'll come home, shut the door, not answer the phone and enjoy ourselves (having previously told dm that we are definitely going away for New Year even though we're not).

papayasareyum · 22/12/2016 15:31

Yanbu op. I feel much the same. I hate the forced jollity, consumerism and same songs on the radio year after year. I know people on this thread have come on to say that Christmas is about family and being together and all things sparkly and magical. But it inevitably, despite best intentions, becomes a spend fest and a stress fest for most. But nobody wants to admit it because then you're a "Grinch" or a misery guts

Every1lovesPatsy · 22/12/2016 16:02

Take back control
Stop being so duty bound.

It is much easier to disengage from the nonsense than you might think. I checked out of the stress nonsense surrounding xmas 4 years ago. Now I pretty much like xmas, take it all with a grain of salt. It's not a magic time of year, it's Winter solstice. The same shit happens at xmas as every other time, I have limited expectations and I'm pretty happy about it. I'ld aim for content over silly jolly any day.

I don't do fake cheery, mass, visiting when it doesn't suit me, insane spending, insane gluttony.

I do like the lights, festive food, some ornaments and kids being excited. That's about it, it is much easier to be low key than you think, just Opt out of the bits you don't like. Avoid people and gift giving if it bugs you that much.

Last year I gave 2 boxes of sweets (the only random non-immediate family gifts). Both were re-gifted, one unopened to my uncle and family. The other box I had opened and taken a few sweets out of and gave to my best friend from school for her and her family. I told her, and said I hoped she didn't mind I just felt like a sweet the night before......she responded "Noooooo,, that is grand......her partner and kids will love munching on them.....and she was too broke to hand over anything in return so was happy I'ld had a sweet" We had a good natter and a laugh.

You are the captain of your own ship, do what you like and manage other people's expectations. They cannot control you, you control yourself.
I

helpimitchy · 22/12/2016 16:16

I hate xmas and only do the minimum to keep the dcs happy. They're older now, so there's not as much pressure. We have a few presents, xmas dinner and a tree and that's about it. I simply don't have the energy to do anything more.

It's very boring now and the same shite every year in terms of crowded shops and stress. I order all gifts online and just visit the supermarket about twice with a list.

Poole5 · 22/12/2016 16:20

I don't understand why people hate Christmas and then celebrate it, just don't do it!!

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 22/12/2016 16:50

I love Christmas in the pagan fashion that's been mentioned up thread - I think if we didn't have something to look forward to over winter we'd realise how dark and depressing it is. Having the novelty of different decorations for a few weeks means that I feel a bit more buoyant even if I only see day light on weekends.

Btw Saukko - I quite like the idea of a Bronze Age Christmas, particularly if we're still allowed to use online shopping.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/12/2016 17:05

To those of you who have piled in to suggest that the Christmas haters don't get involved, I thank you. Not one person had thought of it. And it isn't like people have relatives etc that they are duty bound to consider.

^^ Btw that is sarcasm... Hmm

Poole5 · 22/12/2016 17:38

And it isn't like people have relatives etc that they are duty bound to consider

Perfectly possible to consider them without celebrating Christmas

user1470997562 · 22/12/2016 17:49

Perfectly possible to consider them without celebrating Christmas

Hmmm. You don't have relatives like mine, for sure. The flapping begins in about September.

The80sweregreat · 22/12/2016 17:57

Best to just have a re think. When we stopped buying for family ( other than mums and dads) we were flamed, but people are pleased now that we did and I just didn't start it with my great nieces/ nephews and they wont for mine. Cut back on cards ( I receive less now too) and tried to cut down on food spending, although that is hard and there are only 4 of us for dinner too. Its hard if your working full time - maybe next year make it one you say enough is enough and just not buy for people that you don't really want to? I know it doesn't always go down well, but we did it and it didn't cause a rift. It is a stressful time of year, I hope you can enjoy some of it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/12/2016 18:01

As an only child (no DP/DC) to elderly parents, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to ignore Christmas. It's not an option

Poole5 · 22/12/2016 18:02

As an only child (no DP/DC) to elderly parents, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to ignore Christmas. It's not an option

You can ignore Christmas, but don't want to

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/12/2016 18:05

I really do want to -its complicated.

I'm not sure why you think I'm lying...

My MH gets worse in December - I cry more, I self harm etc etc but feel free to think I want Christmas.Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/12/2016 18:06

Although I do ignore it at home - no cards or decorations

Kikibanana86 · 22/12/2016 18:09

I don't do Christmas cards and I only buy presents for my kids.

Do it the way you like it. Honestly no one will care!

toomanypetals · 22/12/2016 18:14

I think this hating attitude to Christmas is dysfunctional. Sorry I do.

It's extreme black and white thinking. It's not Christmas or No Christmas. You are adults. You can choose the level of participation. Cut back on presents or just give to children. Keep food simple and plan well. I've got three kids and have hardly set foot in a shop.

Or, spend the day doing something charitable.

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