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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE Christmas?

172 replies

Nikitra · 18/12/2016 18:45

I've been steadily going off Christmas for years. The stress, the expense, the falseness of it all ...

Today has been spent rushing around trying to buy last minute presents as I'm working from tomorrow until Christmas Eve, as is DH. Packed out shops, manic car parks, endless withdrawals from the cash machines to put into cards ...

DH spent all morning writing out Christmas cards slotting £30 a time into "important cards". We then went and bought a few presents for friends which the dog has promptly wrecked whilst I was in the shower. Fuck knows when I'll get time to replace them and of course ... more expense.

The whole idea pisses me off too. We're atheists yet because we're British we're more or less forced into celebrating a religious period which sees us running around like idiots, spending shit loads of money and writing out endless cards which will be thrown into the bin in a couple of weeks! So pointless!!!

This weekend my mum brought out cards. She had put £50 in ours. We have put £50 in hers. What is the point???

I know I sound like a right miserable old cow but am I really on my own with this?

I'm working every day next week yet now need to magic the time to re-buy the presents that the dog wrecked, buy cards, go "visiting" and go for coffee with various friends who have requested coffee dates in order to exchange cards and gifts. I just want to disappear!!

I'm a total introvert / antisocial at the best of times so this time of year stresses me to the very brim.

AIBU to think it's all a bit ridiculous?

OP posts:
Mrsglitterfairy · 18/12/2016 20:11

I don't really like Christmas either. Only pretend to for the sake of DSs (5 & 8). It's just such a pressurised time of year, especially for someone like me who suffers with anxiety, I feel so overwhelmed with it all. And having to be so false spending time with people you don't particularly want to but have to. And the money, and the mess..
I suppose the main reason I don't like it also is that it always seems to hold bad memories for me. 6 years ago we lost my nan on the 22nd Dec, 3 years ago we lost my best friends mum (dh's auntie) on xmas eve and this year dh's absolute best friend in the world has leukaemia and is in & out of the hospital... Grrr... roll on 2nd Jan for me!

Astro55 · 18/12/2016 20:17

Why have you left everything until the last minute? There is absolutely no need

Christmas shopping used to happen Christmas Eve and Christmas ended boxing day

Why is it so long drawn out? Where has all this high expectation come from? Too much work for too little gain!!!

SabineUndine · 18/12/2016 20:19

I gave up doing Christmas years ago. I was spending a lot of money on other people and not enjoying it. So I just stopped. I don't miss it one bit.

CombineBananaFister · 18/12/2016 20:20

Scale it back OP, do christmas a way that you WILL enjoy it and stop trying to fit in with traditions or events that don't suit you. I do see where you are coming from but it is a bit self-imposed so change it and you'll be happier.

I work in retail and as you get older, I do think you look around at the madness and stress people get into and the complete lack of enjoyment and think wtf? why are you doing this to yourselfs, surely it can't be worth it.

DH is a chef and works xmas day so we've never been able to celebrate traditionally but we still seem to have a really chilled out nice day without all the stress and faff - find the bits you do like and do those Smile

Mishegoss · 18/12/2016 20:26

Don't do the things that make you hate it! You don't need to give wads of money. It's fine if it's what you want to do but if it irritates you why not order things online? You can have them delivered straight to the recipient so you don't even need to withdraw money or anything.
The swapping of £50 with your mum is silly, why not have a chat about that? See if she'd prefer you both stop or buy a gift instead.
Do things you enjoy! I like to take my kids to see Santa, go to a lights switch on, find somewhere we can sing carols, watch Christmas films and do a gingerbread house. I find those things really fun. We don't have much focus on what we're going to buy.
You won't hate it so much if you do the bits you enjoy and alter the crappy bits.
Lastly if you really don't enjoy it, it's okay not to! Don't feel pressured to "do" Christmas.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 18/12/2016 20:34

Ba humbug! I agree with the falseness in terms of advertising pressure and tack, but I don't find it stressful at all and quite enjoy it. I never watch adverts, avoid town/ works for etc I have Christmas meal with my best mates, buy from nct sales, charity shops, craft fairs or online, send very few cards and love baking crafting etc and love organising Christmas at treats for the kids. We are skint this year and having it just the nuclear family so maybe that's why!

WaitrosePigeon · 18/12/2016 20:35

YABU. Organise yourself with plenty of time next year. Stop sending presents that you don't need to.

It's as hard or as easy as you make it to be honest.

mymatemax · 18/12/2016 20:38

Your choice. You are in control. Either find a less stressful way & enjoy it a bit or just don't play the game! Your choice entirely.

Lottapianos · 18/12/2016 20:44

'It isn't Christmas anyway, it's retailmas'

Completely agree.

I agree with you OP and there's absolutely no bloody escape from it either. Nice to hear that other people feel the same way, the relentless cheerful jollity gets a bit much. Luna, thanks for the radio 4 recommendation, hadn't thought of that!

I do agree with others though OP - just cut out the bits that do your head in. No medals for martyrdom. I ditched cards and presents (no children) a few years ago and feel better for it. It would be nice to opt out of the whole thing really

Skatingonthinice16 · 18/12/2016 20:45

I used to have no strong feeling either way, although the aisles of 'novelty' gifts are hugely depressing.

But dd was born just before Christmas last year and was ill when she was born. I've had PND and PTSD since and the lights, the music etc make me feel like I'm living through it again.
So this year I HATE it and can't wait for it to be gone. I have an older child otherwise I would simply ignore the whole thing. I really haven't the energy for it or to pretend I'm happy when we have to see nine billion family members.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 20:46

I am with you OP - i fucking hate it! I can't wait until January when the whole sack of bollocks is over for another few months.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 18/12/2016 20:49

It upsets me a lot and I'm a lapsed Christian!

The effort, expense and waste just stresses me out and overshadows the religious side.

I can pinpoint the year I realised it was not all it's cracked up to be and it's gone downhill since! I know I sound like a miserable grinch but that's how I feel. I would love to just opt out completely but feel I have to make some effort for the dc and my lovely Mum (my Dad, I suspect, feels the same as me!) so, for the past few years, have stuck to the minimum I can get away with and it's a huge relief. This year I told dh and dc that the big turkey dinner will be on boxing day as, even though they do muck in, I am always head chef and always end up having a mini meltdown at some point or other. They were all fine with that (as long as they get their pigs in blankets at some point!) so that's what we are doing and I will spend the actual day watching crap on telly and sticking a selection of naise nibbles in the oven at some point - I am actually quite looking forward to that bit!

I am an antisocial introvert too and do agree that must have a lot to do with it (I hate having people to stay or visiting others at the best of times so feeling forced into it just because it's Christmas and that's what you do just makes it worse!)

I really wish I could enjoy it more Sad but am always glad when it's over.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 18/12/2016 20:53

A lot of your post is card related - just stop doing the cards.

Cut back on gifts and have a low key one next year.

Elphame · 18/12/2016 20:53

I don't like it either. If I could opt out completely I would but I can't so I don't.

I'm looking forward to next year when the DCs will both be spending the day with their in-laws and I can go and hole up with DH in a remote part of the country until the whole commercialfest is over. This year though I'll have 10 staying and I'm not looking forward to it.

welshgirlwannabe · 18/12/2016 21:04

I don't hate Christmas but I'm so glad I don't celebrate it!! It looks so stressful and expensive. I celebrate a different religions holiday which is less stressful and has very few expectations, although we do do presents and a nice meal.

Honestly though watching friends prepare for Christmas makes it seem so unappealing. It's just shopping, spending, organising, fretting, cooking and eating. It's two days and it swallow an entire month!

Why not just opt out of the stressy bits, have a nice meal, some gifts for immediate family and some time off work? You don't have to do the whole frenzy if you don't want to.

blinkineckmum · 18/12/2016 21:08

Christmas is Carol concerts, nativity plays, mulled wine, mince pies, chocolate, family, friends, a break from the norm... gifts last. I would be happy with no gifts at Christmas.

PlymouthMaid1 · 18/12/2016 21:18

Really don't agree. I havent been in a shop other than lidl this month. Plan ahead more if you hate crowds and retailmas. I am not religious but see nothing to dislike about time off work, nice food and family time. I also don't go mad on presents. Spend about 400 over the year for ten people and have made some gifts too.

madcatwoman61 · 18/12/2016 21:31

YANBU - I hate Christmas, always have. Now I have no small children or husband, I would prefer to spend it on my own, but am not allowed! I would also prefer to donate to charity rather than give presents to people who already have everything they want, but am struggling with that too!

LordPeterWimsey · 18/12/2016 21:45

YANBU. I'm feeling it particularly badly this year as I changed jobs and didn't do as much in advance as I usually would. We've had a horrendous weekend trying to get stuff done in time (I'm away for work Tuesday to Thursday), including both of us shouting at DD Sad. She probably wouldn't have played up (and she did, horrendously, but not enough to justify the amount of shouting we did) if we hadn't been on a treadmill of Getting Stuff Done.

We only buy token presents (for immediate family and one or two friends) but it still seems to be a lot to think of, especially since DD is now old enough to want to give presents but not old enough to be given some cash and sent off to get on with it by herself. And because we have a small child we have to have a tree and decorate the house, but that seems more stress than it's worth. Bah humbug. I just want to get to 28th (when MIL goes home) and have it all over with.

cherrycrumblecustard · 18/12/2016 21:45

YANBU

It's freaking ridiculous. Can't stand if.

Topseyt · 18/12/2016 21:49

Christmas has improved somewhat for me since I ditched the ridiculous rigmarole of sending masses of Christmas cards.

This year I have only sent one card so far, to my parents. Almost all of my Christmas shopping has been done online and has now been delivered so I just have to wrap it. That does make it bearable.

Largely though, I do get where you are coming from. I think that for me it isn't particularly that it is Christmas, it is that I just don't like this time of year. Short days and long, dark nights. What's to like about that?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 21:59

I only buy two presents a year and spend about £40 in total so it's not stressful as such but it depresses the hell out of me. I'm off work for nearly two weeks and that's too long. The forced jollity really gets on my nerves.

Krampus · 18/12/2016 22:09

Best thing I ever did 15 years ago was cut right back on what we gave and to whom. I don't mind giving money to nieces and nephews, it's appreciated by them because they have limited means of getting it themselves. My idea of a thoughtful present is unlikely to be what they would buy Xmas Grin

If you're at the stage when you are just swapping money with other adults then it's really time to stop. On my side of the family we ended up doing a secret Santa or sometimes an adult lucky dip when we all met up. My inlaws side took a little longer then agreed that it was a good way to go.

Statelychangers · 18/12/2016 22:12

I hate Christmas too. I have managed to cut back on loads of the crap I used to do - but people were upset with me for not wanting to buy gifts for 22 children - not including my own. I got grief this evening for not sending cards from someone else who insists on giving me a card every year. The docs decorate the house - so I get out of that. I agree it's the season of bullshit - I only continue to take part for the sake of my kids, who absolutely love Christmas, they have bought me a black bah-humbug hat to wear on Christmas day.

Lottapianos · 18/12/2016 22:36

Livia - I agreed so much. Massively depressing time of year, especially if you hate it for painful and personal reasons. It's very isolating being surrounded by jolly jolly fun times everywhere you turn