To HATE Christmas?

[Nikitra]

I've been steadily going off Christmas for years. The stress, the expense, the falseness of it all ...

Today has been spent rushing around trying to buy last minute presents as I'm working from tomorrow until Christmas Eve, as is DH. Packed out shops, manic car parks, endless withdrawals from the cash machines to put into cards ...

DH spent all morning writing out Christmas cards slotting £30 a time into "important cards". We then went and bought a few presents for friends which the dog has promptly wrecked whilst I was in the shower. Fuck knows when I'll get time to replace them and of course ... more expense.

The whole idea pisses me off too. We're atheists yet because we're British we're more or less forced into celebrating a religious period which sees us running around like idiots, spending shit loads of money and writing out endless cards which will be thrown into the bin in a couple of weeks! So pointless!!!

This weekend my mum brought out cards. She had put £50 in ours. We have put £50 in hers. What is the point???

I know I sound like a right miserable old cow but am I really on my own with this?

I'm working every day next week yet now need to magic the time to re-buy the presents that the dog wrecked, buy cards, go "visiting" and go for coffee with various friends who have requested coffee dates in order to exchange cards and gifts. I just want to disappear!!

I'm a total introvert / antisocial at the best of times so this time of year stresses me to the very brim.

AIBU to think it's all a bit ridiculous?

2ndSopranos I think we have the same MIL

OP, I agree with previous posters that you do seem to be making it more stressful for yourself.
-If you hate writing Christmas cards so much, just don't do cards! Who cares if other people do them? Plenty of people don't.
-Shop online for gifts next year if you don't enjoy Christmas shopping

• If you're worried about the expense then cut down on the amount you spend, agree a budget and stick to it. If people grumble then that's their problem, you don't have to pander to their grabbiness

-As for having to 'magic up' time to meet people for coffee so you can exchange gifts/cards, this is ridiculous. If you're not available simply tell people you're not available! "Sorry i'd love to but I'm working right up until Christmas" is perfectly reasonable.

Alternatively, just stop doing Christmas altogether if you hate it so much. Go away somewhere just the two of you and ignore the whole thing. Other people may not like it but it has absolutely nothing to do with them and they'll get over it.

I hate the bloody planning to buy presents months in advance. Christmas planning has crept into fecking October. And it's not so easy to just do your own thing, there's so much emotion bound up around Christmas, expectations are high, bowing out of the festivities won't deliver happiness, you'll be accused of ruining it for everyone, you'll be guilted into misery and it'll take more than one Christmas to pass for your wishes to be accepted gracefully - if it ever happens. I have removed myself from a lot of it but it certainly wasn't easy and I can fully see why people just put their game face on and pretend to enjoy all of it.

Great post Stately. You're right, it's not just as easy as opting out. It's hard to face down the guilt trips and make your own plans, or just opt out of the whole damn thing. Although ultimately I do think it's the path to sanity if you find Christmas torture

People who are telling the OP off for being 'miserable' etc - you do realise we don't all enjoy the same things, right? Apparently the MN law about never being 'judgey' doesn't extend to people who struggle at Christmas

I wrote literally 8 cards this year. My dh wrote another 5. Thats it. And definitely no money stuffed inside! Sounds to me like you're creating loads of extra work for yourself. Gifts for family which I start getting in advance, what I can. A very few gifts for non family but thats all. There really is no point just swopping money with people, thats pointless.

Lol at people being called joyless - if there was less pressure on people to be happy and jolly, perhaps it would be easier.

I'm at work on the last day this week - normally I have a couple of days off. Last time this happened I was found sobbing at my desk, so this year should be fun...

And yes I know that lots of people have little or no time off but I would happily swap. We tend to be ridiculously busy in January (as in working 5/6 hours a day extra unpaid)

I think the previous couple of posters have it spot on - Christmas is marketed as "the most wonderful time of the year" and it's really not. It's cold, damp and dark. 8.42am as I'm typing and it's not light yet. That makes me miserable. The most wonderful time of the year for me is Spring when we come out of the crappy, cold and dark winter and start to see the leaves again.

It's the scale of Christmas which pisses me off the most. There have been mince pies in the local Co-OP since AUGUST BANK HOLIDAY. 4 fecking months before Christmas. Every year some marketing genius comes up with new "traditions", whether that be elf on his demented shelf or Christmas eve boxes, and if you opt out of this nonsense you're miserable and not #makingmemories. Christmas dinner is nice enough but we have nice meals year round and it's really just a glorified Sunday dinner.

People go crazy in the shops buying for a siege, when the shops are closed for one day. Our "local" small branch of a supermarket is open until 10pm on Christmas Eve and from 8-8 on Boxing Day.

I think if everyone, collectively, managed to calm the fuck down about the whole thing, I'd enjoy it a lot more. All i'm going to hear this week is, "All sorted for Christmas?" "Are you looking forward to Christmas?" "Have you wrapped your presents yet?" "Isn't it magical?"

I agree with you OP. About 10 years ago I suggested to my family that instead of spending say £60 on each other, we just spent £10 or made something and then made Christmas more about spending time together than spending lots of money. Well it went down like a shit sandwich! My DM was particularly put out and did the whole 'Oh well, I don't really need anything, I suppose, but I like giving presents so I still want to give you something', and while we all reigned it in a bit for a year it was back to all the huge piles of gifts the next year. I hate it! It's such a waste of bloody money. Yes, the piles of presents look lovely, but most of it is stuff that no one needs (or particularly wants). I feel powerless to stop it though - particularly now I have kids. The piles of useless shite they get drives me insane every year. They have SO MUCH STUFF. I spend hours and hours going through it all in the new year and donating masses to charity.

Sounds like there's not much you can do about this year, but why not sit and plan for a different sort of Christmas next year? Write down all the things that stress you out and make a concerted effort to do things differently or not at all.

I'd suggest you are feeling miserable because you feel out of control. So what if you get eye rolls, or comments about whether or not you are in the Christmas spirit- it's your life & decision as to how much you do or don't partake in it all.

You don't have to celebrate at all, it isn't mandatory.

I can recommend Amazon Prime. Best purchase all year for me, I know it costs initially but I have saved far more than it's cost in not only delivery costs, but also my valuable time. Most of this years pressies have been bought on line, arrived next day, and were left in my 'safe place' (you can specify this in your Amazon account online, and have a choice of front porch, garden, etc) rather than neigbours who are also at work or out.

I'd suggest you make this the last year of stress and retailmas. Are there bits you like? If so, keep those and junk the rest.

No adult needs a present. No child needs more tat. No-one under 70 needs a card. Spending a lot on christmas is a waste of money. Tell everyone this is the last year and henceforth you will not be doing cards or presents. They will probably be glad to get off the hamster wheel too.

I like having the tree and decorating it so we always do that, but no other decorations as they get on my nerves. None of my DC really like the traditional Christmas dinner so we have roast beef and Yorkshire pudding instead - a once a year treat which we all enjoy. We all discuss and agree a family donation to charity for Christmas (an animal hospital is getting the donation this year).

We all enjoy the time off work and school and a dog walk on Christmas day afternoon. Oldest DC and I volunteer in a charity for old people to help out in their Christmas events.

Christmas is what you choose it to be. I chose it to be low key and to emphasise that we have a social responsibility to others less fortunate. Wouldn't suit everyone, but it suits us and you are equally free to create the right Christmas for you and your family.

To emphasize the farce of it all I spoke to an old friend this morning. She bought a house about 6 months ago from a couple who very acrimoniously divorced. It went on for ages & very sad by the sounds of it.

It turns out this couple have received 9 Christmas cards, some hand delivered, to the both of them at their old address ie my friends new house.

Time & effort for nothing. What is the point? If she passes them on it'll only cause upset I bet.

OP scale it back, set new rules, and give yourself time to enjoy yourself.

I only really look forward to the food and alcohol, would be better if someone would cook Xmas dinner for me and I could sit on my arse all day watching Xmas films and drinking Bailey's. Work in retail too so it's a really stressy time of year and that takes the shine off Xmas. Just to let you know supermarkets are hoping to make money out of the broken families not having one but two or three Xmas dinners this year. Depressing to hear people who otherwise have terrible moral code 99% of the year tell me they are going to midnight mass because Christmas is all about the baby Jesus, give me a break. I'm so with you OP

And we don't even have proper Christmas weather, it's damp, foggy and mild. Got the dehumidifier on full blast 24/7 to keep the damp at bay.

I'm with you OP, I hate Christmas too, I don't spend anywhere near as much as you as I am on a very limited budget, so £10 per (adult) DD, roughly about £15 for the meal and nothing else as I simply can't afford more

I hate that I am forced to take the 25th off (part time job in local shop) but if I want the day off for a Yule Ritual (I am Pagan) I have to fight for it, I do have the right as a fully paid up member of The Scottish Pagan Federation to take that day off, but that would cause so much trouble, and I need my job

So it 's not so much my own little Yule period that I hate, but all the greed and expectation around me from other members of my family

I stopped buying gifts for them a couple of years ago and I send no cards to anyone, it is quite liberating!

I should also add that I absolutely do not want or expect gifts from anyone, for Yule, Xmas or any other occasion

I'd be happy to hibernate between now and the end of December

I think the problem is that Christmas is fine of you want to buy into it and get festive but if you want to tap out you can't without a lot of criticism. I'm refusing to "do" Christmas this year because my babies father can't be here for his first Christmas due to reasons outside out control. Celebrating Ds's first Christmas without him would be unbearable for me so I'm trying to pretend it isn't really happening (no decorations, no Christmas songs, no Christmas food and just token presents for everyone but not really doing presents for DS as he is too young anyway). I told my mum that I didn't want to come for Christmas lunch (there has also been a family fall out with her husband so myself and my sister are not on speaking terms with him). She cried and made me feel horribly guilty so now I am driving home for a few hours to see my mum and sister but I really just can't cope with it this year and don't want it to be any more important than any other day. But people just won't let you be and insist you join in.

Christmas haters, join us here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/2801605-Cant-be-arsed-with-Christmas

YANBU. There is nothing I like about it so I have pretty much opted out. I buy presents for my nieces and nephews then make sure I'm out of the country until the New Year.

Makes me think of something- we can't change what happens to us, but we can change how we respond to it. It is up to us what we do about Christmas, we all have the choice. Even if people do give you a face when you say you aren't sending money or whatever- let them- that is up to them. If you just do things out of obligation or whatever then no, that would be joyless. You can make it less about money, that might help.

We have choices yes
But telling elderly parents you're not visiting because Xmas means nothing....haven't been that brave yet.

I'm not visiting mine - I just send a card. Too stressful- they are divorced but co-dependant and insist on pretending things are fine and spending Christmas together- but it's really not.

Oh god Lovely, how stressful. The pressure to join in with people's 'happy family' charade. It's ghastly. Well done for refusing to be a part of it, although I know it's not easy to back away

It's what you make it.

I like Yule. I mean, I literally sit and read folklore books about old traditions and whatnot, you don't have to do that. But I like the idea of celebrating surviving the winter and having a short period of festivity.

This means I give gifts to the children under the guise of magic, a little bit of luxury to my spouse (whisky) and he to me (jewellery) and we have some nice food and play games.

So, OK, it sounds a bit Bronze Age when you put it that way. But why not? Why not just say "I'm going to do this Bronze Age style next year." It'll be the new hygge.

1. No more monetary exchanges. If you're sending cash to people who don't send it to you, definitely stop. If you're all just exchanging cash that's weird. It's hard to be the one to say "this is a soulless cash exchange" but.. be the one.

1. Don't do anything you don't want to do. I haven't shopped in a brick-and-mortar shop at Christmas since 2011! There's literally no need. Have it all delivered.

Also see where buying can be cut back if you're buying for people you never see or who never buy for you. We don't buy for a few in-laws as we have almost no contact. When I met my DH he was still habitually sending Lynx gift sets to the children of friends of his parents he hadn't seen since they were both 11 - he was still just expected to send something to a name on a piece of paper!

I buy for my nuclear family - sibling, parents, spouse, children, and I love buying them gifts, and receiving. I don't have any kind of gift-giving setup with someone I don't like. If you do, perhaps it can be arranged to no longer exchange?

1. I wish I had friends. You might feel annoyed at having to meet yours for coffee, but... well, once those ties are weakened and contact lost it can be very hard to get back. You would miss friendship a lot if it were gone.

1. I'm sorry your dog wrecked some presents.

1. Go on. Think Bronze Age. Only with online delivery.

Lorelei

My parents are toxic and have done their best to destroy me over the years, resulting in complex mental health issues that will never be fully resolved though after a lot of therapy and counselling I deal with things better now

So not visiting them is a joy!

I will just quietly celebrate the Solstice and the beginning of the return of the light to the land

Sorry zukie I should have phrased that better
I meant mine who are fine but have swallowed all the "family time" bullshit.