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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE Christmas?

172 replies

Nikitra · 18/12/2016 18:45

I've been steadily going off Christmas for years. The stress, the expense, the falseness of it all ...

Today has been spent rushing around trying to buy last minute presents as I'm working from tomorrow until Christmas Eve, as is DH. Packed out shops, manic car parks, endless withdrawals from the cash machines to put into cards ...

DH spent all morning writing out Christmas cards slotting £30 a time into "important cards". We then went and bought a few presents for friends which the dog has promptly wrecked whilst I was in the shower. Fuck knows when I'll get time to replace them and of course ... more expense.

The whole idea pisses me off too. We're atheists yet because we're British we're more or less forced into celebrating a religious period which sees us running around like idiots, spending shit loads of money and writing out endless cards which will be thrown into the bin in a couple of weeks! So pointless!!!

This weekend my mum brought out cards. She had put £50 in ours. We have put £50 in hers. What is the point???

I know I sound like a right miserable old cow but am I really on my own with this?

I'm working every day next week yet now need to magic the time to re-buy the presents that the dog wrecked, buy cards, go "visiting" and go for coffee with various friends who have requested coffee dates in order to exchange cards and gifts. I just want to disappear!!

I'm a total introvert / antisocial at the best of times so this time of year stresses me to the very brim.

AIBU to think it's all a bit ridiculous?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 18/12/2016 23:34

I dont like the consumerism at all and i have completely stopped sending cards but things i live about it...
Dds excitement
lights
the food
another excuse for a party
An exvuse to drink gin.!!

I think it's mad that it is so emotionally loaded nowadays with families etc.

I think it is nice to celebrate it in the way the pagans did... as a time of feasting to make the dark and cold more bearable.

ThighBrows · 18/12/2016 23:34

Load of shite. I understand what you mean OP. Stop the cards, it's a waste of paper and time. I'm atheist and there is no tree or xmas tat in our house, no revered Week Off, we will eat normal food we like and don't participate in organised 'fun'. It's rammed down our throats for a quarter of the year but you don't have to do any thing ever 'because it's just what you do'. A quarter of the year dedicated to rampant consumerism and bingeing is not something I hold dear, if you don't celebrate any other superstitious event, opt out of this one too.

malificent7 · 18/12/2016 23:35

Did i mention gin?!!!!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 23:45

I don't drink, I don't have children, I don't decorate and I don't go to parties Grin

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/12/2016 23:54

YANBU. I don't agree with you, but even so, YANBU.

I love this time of year for all the socialising, but I have to admit the Christmas prep side of it is so full on, and we're doing it relatively low key this year.

One of my strongest memories of childhood Christmases, with all the cousins together, is all the Mums beetling away in the kitchen, while everyone else lounged around on their fat arses, enjoying the day. Well, Dads on their arses (and these are all lovely Dads), and kids running around with all their new crap.

I thought the Mums enjoyed it, and that's why they were all in there!!! ShockGrin

It's actually Boxing Day I can't wait for this year - that's when the summer holiday and relaxation starts.

SantasJockstrap · 18/12/2016 23:58

OP I could have written your post.

I hate the tit for tat of it, I will spend £20 on you and you spend £20 on me, and we both end up with something that we wouldn't have brought ourselves!! I mean what the actual fuck!

This year, we have told both family's this is the LAST YEAR we will be partaking in present swapping / festivities and please do not buy us anything going forwards. The only family members we will buy for are children. This has not been well received by everyone - but this is our choice.

If you go to midnight mass on xmas eve, it is packed pews - but you go to a church in the middle of the year and it is empty.

chatnanny · 19/12/2016 01:05

Dare I say, I enjoy it? I love making our home
look its absolute best, getting the decorations we have collected over many years out and displaying them. I even enjoy the organisation. I love cooking and all the smells of Christmas. I don't enjoy shopping except for food so do almost everything on line. I like sending and receiving cards and address labels has minimised that work load. Yes it's tiring but the winter would be long and miserable without it for me. I feel for people on their own which must be hard. Someone I know volunteers for Crisis at Christmas when it's her off year from her DC and she enjoys that, I think I'd do something like that if I were alone.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 19/12/2016 01:47

I thought the Mums enjoyed it, and that's why they were all in there!!!

OMG Same!!

Then, as an adult in my own home I got quite excited about doing it myself.

For a few years.

Until I remembered that I actually hate cooking at the best of times so why would I enjoy slaving away, getting all hot and bothered, in the kitchen on what is supposed to be a family occasion, when I am already knackered from the run up!

My mum used to host ten people for a week (sometimes ten days) alternate years with barely a finger lifted by anyone else - honestly don't know how she survived, I would have been in full on nuclear meltdown mode by day two!

Daisyfrumps · 19/12/2016 02:03

Make it what you want it to be - whether that's a normal day, a trad Xmas, or something else. You know you don't HAVE to follow the crowd.

AwfulSomething · 19/12/2016 02:16

YANBU, retailmas and forced jollity.

I hate cooking, I hate christmas type food, I hate the concept of presents and all the greed it entails, I hate sitting around feeling trapped by so called tradition and convention.

Lucky I am working isn't it? But I enjoy my life, my family and friends all year round so I don't quite have the need for Christmas that many do.

Shake things up OP and do things differently next year. I told my family years ago it was ridiculous adults wasting money on tat, and when possible keep the celebrations to just one day with no sign of roasts or mince pies. Maybe you could go on holiday?

Wifflewaffles · 19/12/2016 05:27

Hope that you can do Christmas your way in the future, and look forward to it. You're right that it is a sort of madness really.

Maybe you can cut right back next year, and have a quieter Christmas. Maybe you can go away on holiday somewhere.

We cut back a bit on Christmas a few years ago when I asked any one kind enough to consider buying me a gift, to please donate the money they would have spent to a charity instead. I always felt awkward and stupid opening presents as an adult. It took a couple of years for everyone to get used to the idea, but I enjoy Christmas a lot more now that I don't have to open things and pretend to be happy.

We still buy the children presents, and anyone else who wants presents. The adults on my side of the family agreed to do charity instead, so that's quite a few less things to shop for, wrap and waste. I can go online on Christmas eve and donate to the charities, and I can put thought into which charities are appropriate for that person, or they can ask me which charities to support. It's better.

Try not to stress next year and make it how you want it. I think that you are allowed to not like it, and you don't have to make it a big deal if you don't want to.

Helloitsme87 · 19/12/2016 05:33

Sorry Op. but you haven't bought gifts, you're literally giving cash and making it out to be the hardest thing in the world. Either don't do gifts or perhaps a cheque or voucher. I never send cash in cards anymore anyway.

But if you don't want to celebrate xmas then it's your choice.
I love the family and friend togetherness we experience this time of year and the effort people make and just the general happiness and wanting to help each other more. Totally your choice but stop putting so much pressure on yourself with money and gifts. People mostly want your time and just to enjoy themselves

Mol1628 · 19/12/2016 05:46

I don't do cards
Buy gifts early
Definitely don't drive into retail places in December, or go really early if I have to.
I only buy for close family, we do a secret santa for OHs big family which reduces a lot of waste and expense.

Everyone does Christmas differently, don't do things that make you miserable. I don't think it's forced jollyness for everyone, a lot of people don't do the parts of Christmas they don't enjoy. Common sense.

selly24 · 19/12/2016 06:38

"This weekend my mum brought out cards. She had put £50 in ours. We have put £50 in hers. What is the point???"

Yes OP. With you there.. it is f*@?ing ridiculous.
But in terms of capturing the spirit of Christmas you don't need to be religious. Watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on the sofa. In pjs with a glass of your favourite tipple! That should reset you!

selly24 · 19/12/2016 06:40

Mol1628 Really Luke your idea of Secret Santa for a large family. Makes perfect sense.

selly24 · 19/12/2016 06:40

*like!

CoconutGal · 19/12/2016 06:45

Would it be fair to say you hate the stress of it? I love Christmas for the family time it gives us. I'm a little annoyed this year because I'm working Christmas Day which means I get 3hrs with my family before I have to leave for work.

But I've been organised this year, made a list in September, started buying a few per month since then & have been putting money away all year for those that require money in their cards. We make a strict rule though, Christmas presents for the kids because they do love the magic of it all & for adults, just the idea of a get together, board games & festive drinks.

2ndSopranos · 19/12/2016 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mindtrope · 19/12/2016 07:02

OP you are being joyless.

I am an atheist and Christmas has no religious significance to me, but is a huge celebration in our family.

No one is asking you to shop at busy times or throw money at relatives.

To me christmas is a celebration of life. If you don't feel that's worth celebrating then fine.

ForalltheSaints · 19/12/2016 07:06

YANBU if you do not like it and you are not a religious person. You are not forced into it, you can have a minimal or no celebration if you wish and all I would suggest is being courteous to others if you choose that.

user1470041360 · 19/12/2016 07:07

I only do it now as I have a child . I like it for her. If I didn't have her I'd go on holiday. There's no way I would be sitting round a tree with my husband zzzzz. I also dislike the fake " happy xmas" from strangers that on another day you wouldn't get a smile out of. I do like fairy lights though Xmas Grin

Mol1628 · 19/12/2016 07:17

Selly24 it works well. We have so many nephews and nieces we can't possibly afford to shop for them all, or know all their interests every year. Now we all only have one person to buy for to the value of £30. Really cuts out the needless spending.

heron98 · 19/12/2016 07:38

I am not very Christmassy generally (don't bother with a tree or lights etc) but you sound really miserable!

I enjoy having a few days off work, seeing my friends and family and have just bought everyone a small gift like a book from Amazon. I have not been near a shop.

You don't have to make it all about stress and presents, it's about the opposite I would say: a bit of peace and quiet and two days off work (if you are lucky, and I consider myself to be), and time to sleep and enjoy the company of your family.

Littlechip · 19/12/2016 07:39

YABU for blaming religion for you having to write a load of cards and shove money into envelopes. Blame consumerism or tradition for the tacky shite. If you're an atheist find your own way to celebrate it, or don't.

Castironfireplace · 19/12/2016 07:40

YADNBU. I hate Xmas, no one knows though, I'm as jolly as they come.

Why on earth should we be planning months in advance? It is just one day. And it's not a feast, it's a glorified chicken dinner with a side of antacids. In our family it's always served with a side of smug by the woman who won the battle to 'do the dinner'. This is why we got the vote right?

Every conversation from mid Nov is 'I've got 8 coming!' 'Well I've got 16' 'I'm so stressed I've got 22'. The showy offy pretend horror of the huge festive gatherings which will be just like the adverts on Telly (not). But not auntie Marg, she dribbles so will be left in the home for the day.

All whilst I read at least half the people in the UK will be alone at Xmas & suicide rates go through the roof. Joy to all men eh?

I have seen so many people just buy utter utter crap this week in a mad sweaty panic. Women buying their own gifts from their husbands of 10 years and popping home to wrap it themselves. Kids bawling their eyes out stressed in the crowds. And the gallons of party food that doesn't taste quite right & no one will eat anyway.

Yep I don't really like it. I don't like the pressure of it, the inevitable disappointment, the expense, and that for most people it's nothing like the adverts yet nobody seems to care about that.

But I love my kids so I will do it with gusto. But secretly I'm praying for the revolution.