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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas table controversy

463 replies

Tabbylady · 18/12/2016 17:47

We always spend christmas with my parents. Me and DH, our 2 DSs, Dsis and her family and DB and his. There are big age gaps between us siblings and therefore the cousins.

Since kids came on the scene they've been at a separate "kids" table for reasons of space and my parents being OTT about "mess" (plastic tablecloths, no alcohol, kids crackers etc)

My sister's daughter is much older than the other kids and has selflessly put up with this for years and we've always had a little private joke about how silly it is. She's nearly 22. This year, my DB (aged 40) split with his long term partner and is planning on bringing his new girlfriend, aged 25...

My DN was a bit Xmas Shock about all this, being quite close with DB, but has lost the plot about the ongoing table arrangements. I think she's probably projecting anger about other stuff onto this situation (loss of DBs partner who we all liked etc) but she is threatening not to come if new GF gets "treated like a grown up" while she's subjected to a boozeless christmas dinner with the little ones.

I am actually quite supportive of her- there must be a more inclusive way to do it all- and have said so to DPs who are having none of it. This silly thing is threatening a bit of a rift- me, DH, DSis and BIL and DN all on same side with the rest of them on the other. Suspect DBs new GF has no clue.

AIBU to support my DN in this admittedly a bit silly fuss? How would you resolve it?

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 19/12/2016 19:09

She is also going to have to handle watching your DN drink prosecco. I hope your DF can talk her into going, and that you all have a wonderful time.

AcaciaYou · 19/12/2016 19:09

Just chipping in to say that I love you a little bit for using your cats as an excuse.

One of mine is on borrowed time and I'm worried she's going to expire over Christmas, or at the very least be very stressed out by the hordes of in-laws and shouty children who will be staying here for days on end.

Anyway, as you were. Well done.

wonderstuff · 19/12/2016 19:15

Well done, sounds like a lovely day will be had

Cherrysoup · 19/12/2016 19:18

I too vote for steamrollering ahead and emailing everyone again to say it's yours at whatever time on Christmas Day, in between picking up your parents. You just need to know if they're staying over or not. Good job, OP!

Middleoftheroad · 19/12/2016 19:24

Sorry to change the flow and confess to not having RTFT but there is a funny episode of Sex and the City where spinster singleton Carrie is forced to sit on the kids' table at a wedding because she has no plus one.

llangennith · 19/12/2016 19:30

Loved all this threadGrin Nicely done OP.

RandomMess · 19/12/2016 19:31

I think overwhelmingly everyone wants to be at yours because you can actually all drink and merry Grin

PNGirl · 19/12/2016 19:39

I really don't understand people who still have covers on chintz sofas they bought in the 1990s or have used their "good" cutlery from their wedding in the 1960s about three times. Things are meant to be enjoyed, including tables!

CSUK · 19/12/2016 19:41

I was the DN (*Nephew) in this case - The first time I was bought up to the 'grown up table' was at the age of 21. It coincided with me bringing my first girlfriend to Christmas Dinner, so the 'right of passage was a given for that reason. Prior to that, I had my own time for a drink with the grown ups, later in the evening when very young ones had gone to bed and to sleep (while I was at that awkward age between teen/tween/adult.) If at 22 she is stating a place she is entitled to as her right of passage into adulthood, having a partner or not, then I think she is pretty entitled. her 'years of service' will probably have started when she was about 12 or 13, she's earned her place after a decade, give her her seat at the table!

SENPARENT · 19/12/2016 19:57

I think instead of buying a table from Ikea you should ask to borrow the mahogany table.

thumpingrug · 19/12/2016 20:04

You should stop pandering to your parents and all go somewhere else so you can actually enjoy yourselves.

waterlily200 · 19/12/2016 20:06

Placemarking in hope of Christmas day update.

Very pleased for you OP. Hope you have a fab day

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/12/2016 20:18

Your Christmas - and home - sound awesome, so jealous of your table!

SnugglySnerd · 19/12/2016 20:35

Christmas at your house sounds like it'll be a lot of fun, and bless your DC's excitement at getting to pull a cracker with you! I'm intrigued to know what is inside a Betterware cracker - microfiber cloth perhaps? Mini bottle of spider spray??
Enjoy yourselves.

Original poster
Tabbylady · 19/12/2016 21:27

OMG ImtheChristmasCarcass I misread that as "cat's bum IN face" and was about to say that's what I think she's worried about!

No further reply from DM yet. I think she's sulking and DF's texting skills go as far as messaging "CRICKET?" to my DH. Wonder how long I should leave it before I ask her to decide what she wants to do... I mean I know she's a terror but I would genuinely be sad if the two of them choose to have dinner alone rather than decamp to mine and run the risk of sitting next to one of the GC Sad

OP posts:
erchissick · 19/12/2016 21:54

If I was your niece, I'd find somewhere else to go for my Christmas dinner!

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 19/12/2016 21:57

I misread that as "cat's bum IN face"

Well, that would work, too. Xmas Grin

FuckYouDailyMail · 19/12/2016 22:03

Did you actually read the thread erchissick?

WyldChyld · 19/12/2016 22:13

Good on you Tabby! Sounds like it means a lot to not only your DN but also your own kids. It's sad that your DM is pushing them away in this manner but sadly it happens- best thing is to try and do the best you can for as many as you can.

Bogeyface · 19/12/2016 22:14

So father has said "Oh that sounds nice, are we going there then?" instead of a complete melodrama that your mother was expecting/wanting!

I daresay that she will "suffer" coming to you but have a face like a smacked arse all day, which you should pointedly ignore! Oh an ignore the smell of burning martyr too unless it threatens to set the smoke alarm off Wink

Shona52 · 19/12/2016 22:15

She an adult not a child and should be treated as a women in the family. I wouldn't put up with that ridiculous

Rrross1ges · 19/12/2016 22:16

Stand firm. If your mother wants to take her bat and ball away that is her choice.

peekyboo · 19/12/2016 22:16

Tabby, does GC in this case stand for GrandCats? Haha. Set them little places at your table, they're part of the family too. Or start a new tradition and have a separate table for the pets.

shakeyospeare · 19/12/2016 22:30

Enjoyed this thread entirely too much!!

MommaGee · 19/12/2016 22:32

If i was DN i'd seriously be considering not going! I'm sure it's been sweet so far, bit of an in joke and all that but she's old enough to have kids of her own! What does DN's parents think? Irrespective of the 25 yo GF she needs to be treated as a grown up not child care