Christmas table controversy

[Tabbylady]

We always spend christmas with my parents. Me and DH, our 2 DSs, Dsis and her family and DB and his. There are big age gaps between us siblings and therefore the cousins.

Since kids came on the scene they've been at a separate "kids" table for reasons of space and my parents being OTT about "mess" (plastic tablecloths, no alcohol, kids crackers etc)

My sister's daughter is much older than the other kids and has selflessly put up with this for years and we've always had a little private joke about how silly it is. She's nearly 22. This year, my DB (aged 40) split with his long term partner and is planning on bringing his new girlfriend, aged 25...

My DN was a bit about all this, being quite close with DB, but has lost the plot about the ongoing table arrangements. I think she's probably projecting anger about other stuff onto this situation (loss of DBs partner who we all liked etc) but she is threatening not to come if new GF gets "treated like a grown up" while she's subjected to a boozeless christmas dinner with the little ones.

I am actually quite supportive of her- there must be a more inclusive way to do it all- and have said so to DPs who are having none of it. This silly thing is threatening a bit of a rift- me, DH, DSis and BIL and DN all on same side with the rest of them on the other. Suspect DBs new GF has no clue.

AIBU to support my DN in this admittedly a bit silly fuss? How would you resolve it?

[Fairylea]

No 22 year old should be stuck on a kids table. Utterly ridiculous. To be honest I think kids tables are ridiculous anyway.

[ArmySal]

I'd be outraged if I was your DN too

[ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe]

Your niece is a real saint t put up with that nonsense.

[DJBaggySmalls]

I would support her and deal with the fallout. Its ridiculous and insulting.

[Oldraver]

Does she have to have all kiddy stuff ? melamine plates and plastic cups etc ?

Please tell me she at least gets an adults place setting....

[ToastDemon]

22??! Your poor niece is a far more patient young woman than I was....

[MoreThanUs]

I too would support your DN nth is whole situation is madness, and if I were her parents I would have put a stop to this a long time ago.

[NiceFalafels]

Past 13 they should be in the adult table. How ridiculous.

What's your solution OP?

[EllaHen]

The only way to resolve it is for your parents to place your dn at the adult table.

Of course, you or your sh or ds or dbil could offer to switch places with her if there's no space.

Your parents are not being very nice to their granddaughter and I'm sure she has a better offer. They will only have themselves to blame if she takes it.

[MrsJayy]

I think she has been kind to humour the grandparents but I think neice has been tipped who can blame her

[EllaHen]

dh not sh.

[TheApprentice]

Your poor neice! I'm amazed she's put up with this for so long. IMO this is awful for her, regardless of the situation with new girlfriend. YES, put her sitting on kids table if no room on other table but give her adult cutlery etc and let the poor woman have a drink!

[Haffdonga]

Why does your dsis let her adult dd be treated in this humilating way?

Why does your db support your parents in treating his dn like this? How would your db feel if his new gf is also on the no alcohol children's table?

How do your parents justify this unfair treatment of their dn?

[Laiste]

I swear this is like something out of the League of Gentlemen OP!

In house we sit at the children's table until we are 30!

You have to tell them it's time to change. Can you all go out for a meal? (i realise it's too late to book for this year) Or someone else host?

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Your parents are not being very nice to their granddaughter and I'm sure she has a better offer.

In this case, a "better offer" would be sitting alone in your own home on Xmas day eating beans on toast with the telly on and a nice glass of bubbly.

I'd take that any day over what's on offer here.

[AleHouseWench]

At 22 I had a 4 year old. I wonder where I would be sat

[DailyFail1]

It would be really awful for DB's partner to be treated like a grown up when she's the same age as your neice. If your DPs cant see reason then boycott the dinner.

[QueenArseClangers]

Does she have to sit on a little chair with her knees up near her ears? Wearing a bib?
Sounds fucking ridiculous. Could you or DH say you'll sit there instead if your parents are being so weird?

[PNGirl]

What a couple of weirdos your parents are. If there is no space I'd offer to swap to make a point. Or budge up and share a chair!

We were 24 and 25 when we got married and owned our own home (which frankly we'd have been spending Christmas in by ourselves if this was the situation in our family!).

[EverythingEverywhere1234]

Why the fuck would your parents want to make every Christmas dinner shit for your poor niece?! She should've been moved from the kids table years ago, 14 or so would seem right to me! What an absolute joke! I'm 22, have my own home, have worked full time for over 4 years etc the very idea of sitting at the kids table is ridiculous!! Why on EARTH has no one had a word with your parents until now?! To be honest I'd have just moved the poor woman!

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

Bloody hell. I wouldn't be going. We have always had one big table, despite how many people are there, even if it meant emergency chairs. On a couple of occasions we have used the kitchen side for overflow guests, but all family at the table regardless of age. And alcohol for everyone, even if it was just a drop of wine for DS and watered down with lemonade.

It seems very old fashioned to have a children's table that is still used even when the "children" are old enough to marry and have children of their own.

[PNGirl]

You don't say how old the other children are - I bet it is to provide childcare so they don't have to keep getting up.

[TalkingSheds]

I think this year you mix up the tables then if your paren't won't let your poor neice sit with the adults.

[Onemorewonthurt]

I can't believe your DN put up with that, no chance would I!

[uncoolnn]

This is... bizzare.
I'm not much older than your niece and if I was told I had to sit at a "children's" table for xmas dinner I bloody well wouldn't be going!