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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.....jobless SIL with her own Christmas list

156 replies

Sararob28 · 17/12/2016 14:33

AIBU? My brothers GF left her job about 6 months ago and worked a bit over late summer but due to some sort of "admin error" has been unable to start her new job but hasn't bothered to do any temp work in the mean time preferring to go out for coffee etc rather than finding work. Anyway.....my brother works FT and is supporting her and paying all bills.....not so much an issue, however, I suggested that I'll lable one of the gifts I purchased for my DS from him and SIL (I made out as though I had too much stuff for DS rather than mentioning his finances). We do swap gifts so I also asked him for a low value item as he wanted to get me and DH something ..........however, I don't think he's realised I was trying to help as he sent me his GF's Christmas list asking for one of the items off there. AIBU that she shouldn't be so demanding considering she isn't working.....plus who has a great big long Christmas list in their 30's? Maybe my brother should have told her it's a coal and satsuma year......bah humbug!

OP posts:
BobbieDog · 17/12/2016 17:16

I think you hate the fact you have to work and she doesnt.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 17/12/2016 17:16

OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary

What a load of rubbish. Assumptive rubbish.

EbeneezerBooze · 17/12/2016 17:18

Oh and gift lists are an individual family thing I find. My family don't do them and are a nightmare of guessing (and actually as adults we don't bother anymore).

DHs family do and its so much easier - and lovely to know you are going to end up with things you want rather than a gift set of Charlie body spray.

PuppetInParadize · 17/12/2016 17:19

Oh goodness, i drink coffee and have no paid work. Should I not expect any pressies? Confused

expatinscotland · 17/12/2016 17:24

So unemployed people don't deserve presents then?

dingdongthewitchishere · 17/12/2016 17:26

on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary

Confused I would love to know where you get that from, looking at the number of threads about company Christmas parties/ complaint about colleagues/ complaint about work toilets/ complaint about working mum juggling kids and work... SAHM sound like a minority on here.

Anyway, what's wrong with long Christmas lists? They are much more helfpful than short ones, giving everybody as much choice as possible. Whatever you do, someone will moan.

Damselindestress · 17/12/2016 17:36

I have a Christmas list because people ask me for suggestions of things I would like. They were probably trying to be helpful. It sounds like a misunderstanding. It was your brother who gave you the list not her. She didn't demand anything, your brother thought you might like some ideas of what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. It seems like you are just looking for an excuse not to like her. Her finances are none of your business. I don't expect she is overjoyed about the delay in starting her new job either and how do you know how she spends her days?

FannyThat · 17/12/2016 17:41

My opinion comes from reading threads on here for a couple of years, as does yours. It's a fatuous argument with no factual figures to back it up - on both parts.

needsahalo · 17/12/2016 17:46

OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary

Really? I work full time as a single mum but my thoughts on reading the original post were:
A) she doesn't like her SIL very much
B) I bet she has a lot to say about people on benefits - none of it good

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 17/12/2016 17:48

Actually FannyThat there'a rather a lot of data available on the MN demographic which means we don't have to rely on just getting a feel from the tiny percentage of threads we self select to read.

carefreeeee · 17/12/2016 17:58

Surely you would want to be more generous towards an unemployed person, if anything?

She might be mortified to find your brother has given the list.

As you told them what you wanted, I think fair enough that they ask for specific things too.

My family have asked what my partner would like and I have given them some suggestions.

The only time it would be out of order would be if someone started asking for an ipad or a new car!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/12/2016 18:04

OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary.

Don't talk rubbish.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/12/2016 18:06

My opinion comes from reading threads on here for a couple of years, as does yours. It's a fatuous argument with no factual figures to back it up - on both parts.

Doesn't stop you throwing goady remarks around though does it?

Also welcome to Mumsnet.

Cary2012 · 17/12/2016 18:08

Where's your Christmas spirit OP?

What's her employment status got to do with buying her a present?

I think adults having lists is a bit daft, but have you thought that perhaps as she's not currently working, it could be that she can't treat herself, so her list is driven by this? She might really like to be able to buy herself things, but she can't so the list ensures that if people buy her a pressie, it's a pressie she wants.

MissMargie · 17/12/2016 18:24

I see what you are saying OP.
You kindly told them you would label one of the gifts you bought, to give to your DS.
You kindly asked for something inexpensive so that DB can exchange with you.
Then DGF decides you should give them something, presumably NOT inexpensive from her list (No adult should be giving out lists imo).
Your stuck now and will have to give them something from the list, unless they are too expensive iyv, then buy something else and say you wanted to get them a surprise!

YorkiesGlasses · 17/12/2016 18:26

Are you sure that your DC is struggling, or are you just assuming because his GF has been unable to start her job?

If you're trying to be charitable but his finances are actually fine, he'll just take everything you're saying and doing at face value.

If you don't like his girlfriend don't feel you have to buy her an expensive present just because you were shown a wishlist. (if it's an amazon wishlist loads of people have them for various reasons. If a 30 year old woman has actually handwritten a Christmas list that is a definite eyebrow raiser...)

YorkiesGlasses · 17/12/2016 18:27

*DB not DC

GeekyWombat · 17/12/2016 18:36

Welcome to Mumsnet Sararob28.

I note you haven't come back to thread since you started but for the record YABU. HTH.

KittensWithWeapons · 17/12/2016 18:43

'OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary'. Er. What?

BishopBrennan Len, I've been trying to pick a Christmas something to watch to get me feeling somewhat festive. It's going to have to be the Christmas Father Ted where they get lost in the lingerie department Grin.

ConvincingLiar · 17/12/2016 18:47

I think if you request a gift you can't complain when the other person requests one back.

Beebeeeight · 17/12/2016 18:50

She's been offered a job but you still want her to do temping?!

Catlady1976 · 17/12/2016 19:01

I barely work. I do a few hours self employed and I wonder if you are my SIL. She seems to really dislike the fact I don't have a proper job. OK I pretty much look after her 3 nieces single-handed. Her bro does virtually nothing.
The difference is though that they the UK and dh ate the ones with their present lists.

Catlady1976 · 17/12/2016 19:02

At home I mean.

RebelRogue · 17/12/2016 19:04

OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary.

And? What has that have to do with the price of fish?

SantasJockstrap · 17/12/2016 19:05

Can I say OP that you don't really know what is going on here, you only know what they chose to tell you.

It does sound like there is a large amount of bitterness on OPs part, really shouldn't judge as you do not now the reasons behind what is going on and at the end of the day YOU ARE NOT PAYING THEIR BILLS

so butt out