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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.....jobless SIL with her own Christmas list

156 replies

Sararob28 · 17/12/2016 14:33

AIBU? My brothers GF left her job about 6 months ago and worked a bit over late summer but due to some sort of "admin error" has been unable to start her new job but hasn't bothered to do any temp work in the mean time preferring to go out for coffee etc rather than finding work. Anyway.....my brother works FT and is supporting her and paying all bills.....not so much an issue, however, I suggested that I'll lable one of the gifts I purchased for my DS from him and SIL (I made out as though I had too much stuff for DS rather than mentioning his finances). We do swap gifts so I also asked him for a low value item as he wanted to get me and DH something ..........however, I don't think he's realised I was trying to help as he sent me his GF's Christmas list asking for one of the items off there. AIBU that she shouldn't be so demanding considering she isn't working.....plus who has a great big long Christmas list in their 30's? Maybe my brother should have told her it's a coal and satsuma year......bah humbug!

OP posts:
user1480946351 · 17/12/2016 15:46

Come on, surely everyone has a Christmas list? I mean I don't send mine up the chimney to Santa or anything these days

No, they don't. And if you do, then you give it to close friends or family who ASK for a list/ideas, not to your boyfriends sister who didn't!

lalalalyra · 17/12/2016 15:47

Why have you decided that having one income coming in means they are struggling?

Do you know your brothers income and their exact outgoings? Do you know how much savings she had?

Her employment situation is nothing to do with you buying Christmas presents for her. If you want to buy her a present then buy her a present. If you don't then don't.

People often pity my husband because I don't work. They have no idea of the fact that he loves it when I'm not working because it makes his life easier and I make bread more often.

KittensWithWeapons · 17/12/2016 15:48

Indeed, BishopBrennan (love your username by the way, may I kick you up the arse?). There's so much nastiness on here this year. 'Tis the season to be bitter and unpleasant, it would seem.

DixieWishbone · 17/12/2016 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 15:57

And if you do, then you give it to close friends or family who ASK for a list/ideas, not to your boyfriends sister who didn't!

But the girlfriend didn't give OP a list. Her brother did. You're assuming this was on his girlfriend's instruction.

user1480946351 · 17/12/2016 16:06

Yes, I'm assuming. But it doesn't really matter, whichever one of them intended OP to have it is being a bit of a dick.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/12/2016 16:18

I suppose when I was on gardening leave for 2 weeks this year I could have been accused of swanning round going for coffee and when I was looking for work Inbetween temping too. Actually I did have the odd coffee out but was temping and one job dealing with an unfortunate bully and I left that job after a week...

You seem to have no idea...

I do Xmas lists too on Pinterest but that's because otherwise I have to tell someone yes its l'occitane etc time and time again or confuse people or I get loads of things I have no room for like more books! (I love books tho!)

IAmNotACat · 17/12/2016 16:19

Why would a person who is waiting for an admin error to be fixed go and get a temp job? She already has a job, she just hasn't started it yet.

Would you also think the same thing about all SAHMs too? Should they all have no Christmas list or presents?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/12/2016 16:22

Not sure what you're saying OP. Are you saying SIL's list-items were more expensive than you wanted to buy and quite different in price to the low-cost item you had suggested for yourself, or you didn't want to get anything for her at all?

thefrizzyhairedcommunity · 17/12/2016 16:22

I'm unemployed, I better tell everyone not to get me presents ConfusedHmm

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/12/2016 16:27

I think op meant she'd label a gift she has bought for her dc "from auntie & uncle".

But instead her db has sent her his oh Xmas list.

CustardOmlet · 17/12/2016 16:30

It's not your sil fault your brother gave you the list, and just because you have the list you don't have to buy from it. I have a list (and amazon wish list) but it's for my DHs eyes only, and if anyone asks him what I would want he can refer to the list.

catinbooots · 17/12/2016 16:31

YABU

user1480946351 · 17/12/2016 16:32

It's not your sil fault your brother gave you the list

It might be. We don't know.

AprilShowers16 · 17/12/2016 16:34

I don't understand why she's not allowed presents? Because she doesn't have a job? Because she doesn't have much money?

Surely you get her a present because you want to be nice to her rather than as a reward for her lifestyle meeting your specific criteria.

For what it's worth I was unemployed for 6 months, had numerous job interviews and when I got a job there was a bit of a wait. I was signed up to a job agency but in my experience getting a bit of temp work to fill the gap isn't that easy as lots of temp agencies just don't get back to you or contact you again once you've been in. I knew we could get by on the money DH early and so mostly just did that, he didn't mind and I enjoyed having a bit of free time without the stress of job searching. Life is about more than just earning the most amount of money possible with the time available

Newbrummie · 17/12/2016 16:38

God you'd hate me, I intend spending the next 7 months at the gym and drinking coffee, just because i can 😁

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2016 16:40

I think it's very nice of you to help your brother with the gift for your DS.

But I do think that the finances between him and his gf is none of your business unless he's complaining about her not working to you or it's obvious that he's 'doing without necessities in order to keep her in luxuries'. Is he? If he's perfectly happy supporting her then it's none of your business. Would you feel the same if she was a SAHM or unable to work due to a disability?

As far as her 'gift list' was it sent for you to buy her a gift (plus one for your DB) or as a gift list for one gift for both of them? If there's nothing suitable (gift- or cost-wise) you're still free to buy whatever you want. Just because someone sends you a list doesn't 'lock you in' to buying something from that list. If you're saying that you don't feel you should buy gf a gift because she isn't working that's fine and your decision, but be ready to take the consequences of that decision.

BTW, my DH had to wait a little over 3 months to start a job because of 'admin errors' in budgetary staffing allocations so it does happen. I didn't expect him to get a temp job in the meantime.

miraclebabyplease · 17/12/2016 16:44

My husband got made redundant. I was off with pregnancy complications. I watched him every day get up and fill in applications. This took and hour, two at the max, as there are not hundreds of jobs added each day. It was demoralising for him. He used to go for a coffee just to get out. Being stuck in a house can drive you insane.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 17/12/2016 16:48

Is it your business if sil works or not?

FannyThat · 17/12/2016 16:55

OP you've made the mistake of asking this on a forum consisting of many (but by no means all) who have never had/don't have a job and to whom the notion of being looked after by their partner is nothing out of the ordinary.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/12/2016 16:57

Has your DB ever complained about money to you OP?

Has he ever told you that he is broke, can't afford life on one income, can't afford Christmas etc.? Or are you just assuming this to be the case?

Did you agree a budget for Christmas presents with your DB? If you agreed, say, £10 per person & duly asked for something around that price then YANBU to be a bit put out if SIL asks for something nearer £30.

Why did you give DB a present to give to your DS? Had he expressed concern at not being able to afford one himself?

Otherwise, DB & SIL's financial/employment situation is absolutely NONE of your damn business!

RichardBucket · 17/12/2016 17:01

You're judgemental and mean spirited.

Giving Christmas lists, unless requested, is childish and rude.

dontpokethebear · 17/12/2016 17:04

Um

I don't have a job. I am going to get Christmas presents? Aren't I? Aren't I???? Sad

BishopBrennansArse · 17/12/2016 17:14

Kittens - do what you like except call me Len!

EbeneezerBooze · 17/12/2016 17:15

I suspect the number of MNners who've never had a job is miniscule, actually, FannyThat.

I'm a SAHM. If someone decided not to get me a present because of it, it'd be up to them, but I'd privately think they were a nobhead.