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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.....jobless SIL with her own Christmas list

156 replies

Sararob28 · 17/12/2016 14:33

AIBU? My brothers GF left her job about 6 months ago and worked a bit over late summer but due to some sort of "admin error" has been unable to start her new job but hasn't bothered to do any temp work in the mean time preferring to go out for coffee etc rather than finding work. Anyway.....my brother works FT and is supporting her and paying all bills.....not so much an issue, however, I suggested that I'll lable one of the gifts I purchased for my DS from him and SIL (I made out as though I had too much stuff for DS rather than mentioning his finances). We do swap gifts so I also asked him for a low value item as he wanted to get me and DH something ..........however, I don't think he's realised I was trying to help as he sent me his GF's Christmas list asking for one of the items off there. AIBU that she shouldn't be so demanding considering she isn't working.....plus who has a great big long Christmas list in their 30's? Maybe my brother should have told her it's a coal and satsuma year......bah humbug!

OP posts:
NickyEds · 17/12/2016 14:58

I know Olivia my 3 year old nephew doesn't work either. Little so and so just swans about soft play. Satsuma for him then!

Heirhelp · 17/12/2016 14:59

How your brother and SIL manage their finances is their business and is nothing to do with you.

There maybe reasons that you don't know for why she is currently not working.

leaveittothediva · 17/12/2016 14:59

Wow, Iworkex with a dumb bitch once that said to me she wouldn't associate with people that were unemployed, she lost her job, you can imagine the milage I got out of telling her that I'd rather not be associated with her unemployed arse. (she was not amused). Stupid cow. Karma is a bitch though. Grin

AnArrowToTheKnee · 17/12/2016 15:00

DH and I have Christmas lists Confused it's just Amazon wishlists that we add to through the year, then when people ask what we want we ask them to pick something off the list. It means we get stuff we actually want (anything we need we buy when we need it.)

Do you actually know that they're struggling financially, or have you just assumed? Maybe they have savings they're using until the new job starts, or maybe they arranged their lives so they can live on one income if they need to.

Suburbopolis · 17/12/2016 15:02

I work FT and SP to two kids and I think ybvU.
If she has a job lined up she's fortunate and if they were broke she'd be motivated to temp or get another job sooner but clearly they're happy to know that she has something lined up. I think you need to start seeeing them as a 'they'

DesolateWaist · 17/12/2016 15:04

All my family have Christmas lists.
For the last 10 years we have had them online. It means that people get what they want and it saves all the stress of having to guess what to buy people.
If wanting something that I'll actually have a use for rather than a gift set I'll give to charity makes me 'grabby' then so be it.

Satisfactorylemon · 17/12/2016 15:04

What is your real problem with her? Because right now it sounds to me like you just don't like her...

Satisfactorylemon · 17/12/2016 15:05

Lists are a godsend. Id rather give something they actually want... Hmm

ChickenVindaloo2 · 17/12/2016 15:05

Do I take it you work hard at a job you hate and wish you could be a SAHM, OP? Grin

ememem84 · 17/12/2016 15:06

I have a list. I also work.

My mum asked for a list of things I need (toiletries etc) was easier for me to give her a list of things I use so she can decide.

But that's ok right?

TeachingPostQuery · 17/12/2016 15:08

If I had a new job lined up but there was a delay with the paperwork and I couldn't start for 6 months, I wouldn't work either. We'd be fine on DH's salary and I'd absolutely make the most of the time off. We wouldn't do anything different for Christmas either. Unless you know for a fact that they're struggling and your brother is unhappy (which you haven't mentioned), your attitude is very strange indeed.

diddl · 17/12/2016 15:10

I think that sending a list is rude unless you've been asked what you would like.

Everything else is irrelevant imo.

Giselaw · 17/12/2016 15:10

How is the OP jealous? She purchased her son's gift on behalf of them (because she was considerate of their one income).

i think the OP is saying if you are on a low budget and will be only spending up to X amount on person A's gift, it's grabby to present person A with your wish list full of expensive items than cost double or triple of what you spent.

Just get her something of same value as you yourself requested, OP

Satisfactorylemon · 17/12/2016 15:10

I love and prefet being given lists as it means im hiving them something they actually want AND save in time and money wasted on buying the wrong gift.
The fact that she is unemployed is irrelevant.
You made assumptions and you decided to donate one of your gifts to them to be hiven back to your son... hardly the biggest sacrifice of the year Hmm

I wish that wishlists were more common.

KittensWithWeapons · 17/12/2016 15:15

My parents, sisters and I all do Christmas lists. Our thinking being that if we're going to be spending money on presents, we may as well get each other things that we actually want. I love being given a list, makes Christmas shopping much easier. We always ask DP's siblings to send us lists of things that our nieces and nephews would like for Christmas.

I'm not working at the moment, as I've recently returned to education. A few years ago I wasn't working due to crappy health. Currently, DP works full time and pays all the bills, as he did when I couldn't work. I suppose I'm wholly undeserving of any gifts.

MyPatronusIsABadger · 17/12/2016 15:17

I have a Pinterest board called disposable income which anyone in the family gets directed to through DH, I've got slippers, hair bobbles, pjs, and some more expensive stuff on it. I don't think its mean, it's not a list I want everything from, it's just some nice things that might give family an idea of what to get me. I love books too but have so many, I'd let people know ones I'd like rather than let them get me 2 of the same.
I imagine if it was said the wrong way my SIL might think I want everything on that board, but I dont! I also got presents when I was a housewife, as my DH salary paid all the bills and covered savings. I did all housework (so didn't just have coffee with friends) and got personal spends too which I used to buy DH a present with (so please don't give obviously differing prices of gifts - it would drive me insane when this happened in our family)

edwinbear · 17/12/2016 15:22

I got made redundant at the start of Sept, applied for over 150 jobs since including temp work and not been lucky yet. I'd LOVE a temp job right now but from my experience it's not as simple as walking straight into temping.

Do I not deserve any Xmas presents either this year?

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 15:23

You're right OP. She's such a lazy arse and lesser person for not working temporarily. How dare she? Swanning about, drinking coffee, having a break whilst the rest of us are at the coalface. Who does she think she is? If she hopes she might receive some useful gifts from people she thinks like and care about her, well then she's got another think coming!

Hmm
baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 15:27

Oh, and all the members of our families in our 30s have Christmas lists. It's practical and efficient.

mummydawn07 · 17/12/2016 15:31

so is it that you think she is demanding because of the fact that she has got a xmas list or because of what she's put on the list? maybe she wrote the list so that your brother has some ideas of what she would like for xmas, and if she has a job lined up, then what's your problem with her not working until she starts the new job? unless your brother has disclosed to you that they are financially struggling but you haven't mentioned that he did so it seems that you are assuming that there's financial problems.... seems to me like you have got some issues with you sil, you don't like her for some reason? or maybe she is just one of those people that ruffle your feathers for any reason.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/12/2016 15:35

Come on, surely everyone has a Christmas list? I mean I don't send mine up the chimney to Santa or anything these days.

SheldonCRules · 17/12/2016 15:39

Cheeky pair, just buy what you want. For a siblings GF/BF it would only be a token gift from us, we do bigger presents when married as they become family then.

Her job status doesn't have much to do with Christmas unless the long list was a way of getting everything she wants without working.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/12/2016 15:43

So it's ok for you to tell them what to get you but not the other way around.

You seem very invested in your DBro finances. None of your business.

BishopBrennansArse · 17/12/2016 15:44

Oh these mean crimbo threads are sprouting. Ugh.

KittensWithWeapons · 17/12/2016 15:45

Oh yes, edwinbear, I just love when people say 'just get a temp job'. None of the shops around here are hiring Christmas temps. I've applied for multiple pub jobs, and despite having years of experience working in pubs, haven't heard a word back from any of them. I've registered with a temp agency, I have loads of office experience, and still nothing. It's really fucking frustrating.

And yes you bloody do deserve Christmas presents. Have some festive Wine from me.