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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown out of the pub last night. Advice please!

234 replies

Askedtoleave · 16/12/2016 10:09

NC. Last night my friend and I met up for a catch up drink at a local pub I frequent every month or so, sometimes for food, sometimes just for drinks. A lot of tables had reserved signs on for diners as is usual. I found a table without a sign and we sat chatting for an hour over a drink.

Suddenly the bar manager came over and had brought plates of food assuming it was ours. I said, "that's not ours, we're not eating tonight". He said, "well get up then cos this food is for people who have reserved the table." I said that the table didn't have a reserved sign and he said, "get up". I told him that he wasn't even sorry. He was so rude and aggressive.

My friend and I got up and went to the bar. At no point did we refuse to leave the table, swear or raise our voices. He then came over and said he couldn't believe we didn't know the table was reserved. My friend told him we didn't want to have any more discussion, we just wanted to order another drink. He then said that he wouldn't serve us and asked us to leave the pub! We were completely shocked and humiliated. I've found the whole thing really upsetting. Two middle aged women thrown out of a busy pub! Most places would apologise for the misunderstanding and buy us a drink on the house!

AIBU to go to the pub today and speak to the landlord? My friends and family all use this pub and I want to give the pub the chance to redeem themselves. If he sides with the bar manager I wouldn't go there again.

Can anyone please advise what my next steps should be?

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 16/12/2016 11:15

The thing is, this guy works in a service industry and has clearly lost sight of the fact that the establishment only exists because people go in there and spend money

This. I can't believe posters are defending him or suggesting it was six of one, half a dozen of the other - totally misses the point that the OP was the customer.

My email to the landlord would be pointing out all the custom he will be losing from me and my family.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 16/12/2016 11:16

To clear up the confusion: I would describe my attitude as assertive, he probably thought stroppy bitch

To clear up any confusion, you are female and therefore should have been meek and mild and done as you were told by bigman barman.

Any kind of "answering back" can be considered to be rude and aggressive if you're female.

And on the other comment further up the thread, what's wrong with having a drink for an hour? Now I know why people get soooo drunk!

user1481838270 · 16/12/2016 11:16

Were you by any chance unknowingly sitting at a table in the section of the pub reserved for those having food? The bar manager may have considered you a bit brazen to sit there in the first place.

user1481838270 · 16/12/2016 11:17

The reason I asked the above is that sometimes these situations result from misunderstandings.

TheCompanyOfCats · 16/12/2016 11:18

I remember going somewhere for a drink at this time of year a couple of years ago. One of the waitresses had an epic meltdown by the coffee machine at one point, absolutely sobbing. It was obviously the stress of just having waaaay too many people to deal with. Perhaps that played a part in it? Not excusing it, just trying to imagine, if you are telling the truth, what could be behind such extreme behaviour.

QuimReaper · 16/12/2016 11:22

Cotswold even if that's true, does that excuse the manager following the OP around the pub and carrying on the argument?

I used to work in customer services for a call centre and had to appease lots of drunk angry (usually hangry - it was a food delivery service) people, and they were often shockingly unreasonable, and really really tested my patience. I like to think I maintained my professional demeanour, perhaps it cracked a bit under pressure. But what the manager did would be equivalent to me phoning the customer back after the conversation was over to carry on the discussion and explain to them that they were wrong, not me Hmm

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2016 11:24

myfavouritecolourispurple, your post came across as fact then, rather than a possibility.

For a moment, I thought you knew the barman...

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/12/2016 11:24

The thing is, this guy works in a service industry and has clearly lost sight of the fact that the establishment only exists because people go in there and spend money

And?

It doesn't mean people should be rude etc or is that OK in your book Hmm Customers can say and do what they like as he works in a 'service industry'

QuimReaper · 16/12/2016 11:24

user again, in the service industry the customer is always right even if they're a right bozo. Quite often things are clear as day but you don't go in there incredulous and rude at their not seeing what to you is obvious. It's the most basic rule of service. You say "apologies if it was unclear" even if it wasn't unclear, the customer just wasn't using their eyes.

Original poster
Askedtoleave · 16/12/2016 11:25

Ha ha! We're both senior HR. Very diplomatic and professional!

We eat there all the time, we take the kids for dinner. I RESERVED a table a few weeks ago for my birthday meal, as all the family do. I know you can sit in any area, just not at a reserved table!

The guy isn't nice. When I went in with baby ds on my own for lunch years back, I asked for a high chair. He pointed to the disabled toilet and said "in there". He then watched me struggle with drinks and pushchair to a table, leave ds, and retrieve highchair from the loo and carry it across the pub.

OP posts:
QuimReaper · 16/12/2016 11:26

Piglet I'm taking the OP at her word about what happened, and as she describes it, the situation began, and then continued, with unprompted aggression and rudeness from the manager.

Whether or not you believe the OP in her description of how it went down is another argument.

SapphireStrange · 16/12/2016 11:26

The thing is, this guy works in a service industry and has clearly lost sight of the fact that the establishment only exists because people go in there and spend money.

This IS the bottom line. It doesn't really matter whose mistake it was; the point is how he should deal with it.

He made a mistake with the food/forgot to put a reserved sign on the table? He apologises, helps you find a new table and move your drinks. End of.

You made a mistake by sitting at a reserved table? He says 'No problem', helps you find a new table and move your drinks. End of.

No call at all for any aggro and potentially losing the goodwill and custom of you and your family and friends.

itsmine · 16/12/2016 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustarr73 · 16/12/2016 11:30

Were you by any chance unknowingly sitting at a table in the section of the pub reserved for those having food? The bar manager may have considered you a bit brazen to sit there in the first place.

You are contradicting yourself with that statement.He was being snotty to you cause you are a female.Bet you anything he wouldnt have been that aggressive with a man.Go back and see the manager,its just not on to be treated like that.

QuimReaper · 16/12/2016 11:31

TheCompany I've been that waitress Sad I shall never forget the worst night of my life when we had a huge party who'd booked out a function room and pre-ordered meals. The kitchen were putting them in the dumb waiter and I was standing there, a tiny little teenage waitress bawling my lungs out saying "WHO ORDERED THE FISH PIE?" and they were all screaming pissed and not so much as acknowledging my existence, and not a single one of them could remember what they'd ordered Hmm. I went up to each of them personally and asked what they'd ordered and they mostly just sort of shrugged and went back to their conversation. There were about 25 of them and the food kept on arriving, piling up and just sitting there getting cold and I was running out of space to put it on the side. I wished I'd had a coach's whistle to make them pay attention to me for thirty bloody seconds to take the food. It was extraordinary, such a hopeless situation, and the bar was heaving downstairs and my colleague kept asking what was taking me so long, then he snapped at me and I ran outside and cried.

Whoof!

Even then I wasn't rude to the bastards. (To their faces.)

myoriginal3 · 16/12/2016 11:32

I'd say there was a large party who had ordered a selection of food sitting in the area next to you. He made a mistake by almost giving you free food. So he got in a strop with you because he's a blamer.

In the wrong job.

What was the food?

CotswoldStrife · 16/12/2016 11:32
Xmas Grin
Serialweightwatcher · 16/12/2016 11:33

He sounds like a right shit ... fancy letting you struggle with the high chair Angry ........ surprised he still has a job with his attitude!

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 11:33

If that is all that happened, I would put a negative review in TripAdvisor and never go again.

Alabastard · 16/12/2016 11:33

If this is in fact the whole truth then why would you bother going back?

I've refused service and barred people. There's always a reason.

QuimReaper · 16/12/2016 11:34

Asked if he's been there for years and been a dick for years in escalating proportions, he really does need to go I think. Obviously not your call and I wouldn't try and argue that point with the landlord, but for his own blood pressure he needs a new job.

The landlord will only know this if it's reported to him.

Although the landlord's probably known what he's like for years but is also scared of him. Plus ça change.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 11:34

I just read your other posts, when he left you struggling with the highchair, that would have been my last visit, I would never have gone there again! He sounds awful.

CocktailQueen · 16/12/2016 11:34

Go and see the manager.

The bar manager was appallingly rude. No reserved sign on table? People ordering food with table number that was yours? How are you supposed to know table was reserved? He was a twat and totally overreacted.

I would NOT go back in there for any more Xmas celebrations, though - I wouldn't want to give them any more money. I'd be uncomfortable and be always looking out for stupid bar man - especially as he has form for being rude.

I'd say that to the manager as well. If he's that rude to you, he will be the same to other customers and could lose the bar a lot of money.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/12/2016 11:35

I don't think anyone can conclude being female had anything to do with it Confused. He is probably a bit of a prick and has the same attitude to all his customers. The Christmas rush and the demands of his job, probably exacerbated his prickness.

I still think there is nothing to be achieved by kicking up a stink; he won't change and you've made it difficult for yourself to have a relaxed drink in your local. I just think you need to pick your battles.

diddl · 16/12/2016 11:35

If people have ordered food, would they have priority for a table even if it's not reserved?