Thrown out of the pub last night. Advice please!

[Askedtoleave]

NC. Last night my friend and I met up for a catch up drink at a local pub I frequent every month or so, sometimes for food, sometimes just for drinks. A lot of tables had reserved signs on for diners as is usual. I found a table without a sign and we sat chatting for an hour over a drink.

Suddenly the bar manager came over and had brought plates of food assuming it was ours. I said, "that's not ours, we're not eating tonight". He said, "well get up then cos this food is for people who have reserved the table." I said that the table didn't have a reserved sign and he said, "get up". I told him that he wasn't even sorry. He was so rude and aggressive.

My friend and I got up and went to the bar. At no point did we refuse to leave the table, swear or raise our voices. He then came over and said he couldn't believe we didn't know the table was reserved. My friend told him we didn't want to have any more discussion, we just wanted to order another drink. He then said that he wouldn't serve us and asked us to leave the pub! We were completely shocked and humiliated. I've found the whole thing really upsetting. Two middle aged women thrown out of a busy pub! Most places would apologise for the misunderstanding and buy us a drink on the house!

AIBU to go to the pub today and speak to the landlord? My friends and family all use this pub and I want to give the pub the chance to redeem themselves. If he sides with the bar manager I wouldn't go there again.

Can anyone please advise what my next steps should be?

The food people turned up. Really fromwhere And why were you putting your coat on to sit at the bar?
The food people appeared behind the bar manager. There's no seats at the bar, it's a busy pub. I was putting my coat on as I was expecting to sit in a different area of the pub with a pint in one hand and my bag in the other. Glad we cleared that up.

The people whose dinner it was turned up during the exchange and were mortified.

But where were they before that?

Even if they ordered food at the bar, surely they'd have to give the table number that they were sitting at?

You've admitted that you probably were a bit stroppy. If you admit that to the LL, hopefully he'll see it as 6 of one and a half dozen of the other.

Also, I'm confused as to why you were putting your coat on to go and have a drink at the bar, but that's not important here

I would describe my manner as assertive. I think that's reasonable.

Oh, X posted

I really would leave it. You've already challenged the lack of apology; you are unlikely to get one because it sounds like they have grounds to think you were being difficult and objectionable, even if you didn't intend to be - and I bet you wouldn't apologise?

If you want to go back, I'd let it go. Arguing with the staff never goes well.

You described it as stroppy a few posts ago.

That's why I think a quick, calm word with the LL is a good idea.

He/she will probably speak to the member of staff and get both sides.

we have a system in our pub that allows us to see unreserved tables on the till screen. probably they ordered at the bar, a waitress put the order through the till on an unreserved table and so the food ended up on OP's table.

That's true of most situations wannabe but sometimes people DO behave in an unhinged way without any provocation whatsoever. I believe the OP in this case, partly because she sounds so shell-shocked

Agreed.

I had a run in with someone a few months ago. I asked them something, in a friendly voice, a smile, and said please, and what I was asking wouldn't have disadvantaged then particularly (I didn't want them to give up a seat or anything!) - and they went fucking mental at me. I was so shocked. I was just like "um, OK, I did say please, if you don't want to just say no" and another passenger had to step in and tell them to back off! I can only imagine they had some seriously shit going on in their life.

just seems odd that you would be thrown out just going on your version of events

Yes, I think that's the OP's point

Even if the OP had a stroppy tone of voice, that is no reason to refuse to serve her. Most customers would be stroppy - and rightly so - if rudely ordered to get up from a table.

No pub would survive if it chucked out every customer who used a stroppy tone of voice. Tell the landlord, OP - because, if this manager carries on like this, he's going to go bust.

I'm thinking it must be: Mr Smith booked table 1 for 8pm. He walks in and orders dinner at the bar and chatting to mates and says he'll sit down when dinner comes???

It doesn't make sense. Our table was right next to the bar. I reckon they forgot to book his table or saw us sitting there with only drinks and thought they'd kick us off??

I really think if you go back in asking for an apology and showing how reasonable you are, you're much more likely to come off worse than if you had just said nothing at all

Your face will then be remembered and every time you face that manager or a member of staff they'll remember you as THAT person that kicked off. Rather than you being just another face in the crowd of a busy day.

You haven't been banned from the pub have you? Just asked to leave on that particular night, so I'd just leave it.

Why didn't you just apologize and move?

Because OP had nothing to apologise for. All she and her friend had done was sit down at an apparently free table. It was the manager who ought to have been apologising, rather than being aggressive.

It all sounds like a huge misunderstanding with frayed tempers on both sides.

You mistakenly took a reserved table,
Arsey man mistook you for the booking and chef prepared their ordered food (?)
Arsey man lost it when he realised his mistake and blamed you, perhaps he thought you'd moved the RESERVED sign.
You arguing back was maybe the last straw.

I wonder if Arsey man was going to get it in the neck for his mistake? The food he brought out may have had to be binned?

I would go in and start by apologising to Arsey man for the misunderstanding over the RESERVED table. Chances are he 'll apologise too and peace is restored.

It's your local, what is to be achieved by complaining, demanding apologies and making an enemy of Arsey man?

Anyway, thank you. I realise it's a difficult one as you don't know me and weren't there. To clear up the confusion: I would describe my attitude as assertive, he probably thought stroppy bitch.

Still none the wiser. Don't want to face the humiliation of being thrown out again.

I agree with QueenMortificado . Unless he has form for this sort of thing, assume he was having a really, really bad day and let it go. If, when you go back, he mentions it (other than to apologise), that's the time to speak to the landlord.

Urgh some people (usually men) can be horribly unfairly aggressive given a chance. I was once thrown out of a pub, I was about 20, stone cold sober, ordered politely a glass of wine. I didn't have id on me for some reason, so when challenged said I was over age but happy to have a coke, was just having a quiet meet up with a friend. The barman went mad and shouted at me to get out! Not even given the chance to go and tell my friend who was left sitting there (pre mobiles). Have never had anything like that happen before or since it was quite upsetting.

I wouldn't go back. It'll just make things worse.

The thing is, this guy works in a service industry and has clearly lost sight of the fact that the establishment only exists because people go in there and spend money.

If anything the pub industry is the least "customer is always right" focused of any of the service industries: it has to be, because people frequently get drunk, obnoxious, etc. and need firmer handling. But there is absolutely no scenario in which the manager has carte blanche to be rude to the customer.

To me the kicker is not being asked to move in a rude tone (anyone, anyone with a hint of a desire to do their job properly would have said "apologies, this table is reserved") but then following the OP around the pub spoiling for a fight. "I can't believe you didn't know the table was reserved" is a truly unhinged thing to say, since the internationally-recognised code for a reserved table in a pub is, er, a "reserved" sign. This is true of literally every pub in the country.

He sounds like a very stressed man who has lost his rag and reached the point where he just downright hates and resents customers. I've seen it before many, many times, and yes OP, you definitely need to tell his boss.

I suspect it is a bit 50-50 - the worker was having a bad night and I suspect you came across a lot stronger than 'assertive'. Assertive is about a win-win solution, not just putting your point across ('I told him that he wasn't even sorry'). Although my opinion may be affected by my years of work in HR where a surprising number of people have the wrong idea about assertiveness

I would go in and start by apologising to Arsey man for the misunderstanding over the RESERVED table. Chances are he 'll apologise too and peace is restored

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Why should the OP appease a man who has treated her like shit? Why is it always the woman who has to suck it up to soothe an aggressive man? She was the customer - it was his job to keep her happy.

OP, why don't you email or ring the landlord? - that way you can be sure you reach him and you don't risk running into the tosser manager.

The thing is, Jax how is the OP supposed to know whether he has form; and how is the manager supposed to know, when it happens again and the next customer complains, that he has form if nobody tells him? The OP isn't thinking of confronting the manager nor is she going to go in with a blazing pitchfork demanding his immediate dismissal. But this guy could be having a "bad day" three times a week and if nobody tells the landlord, how is he supposed to know?

Great idea shiny.

Face to face would be ideal, but telephone is safer.