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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 20:37

Margaret, you could, but we have a poster 81 who was born a lot earlier.

I was lorelei something else when I joined. I think. I've been people other than Lorelei, I like to make sure no one IRL twigs who I am here Grin

Ive also had three digits and I promise I'm not 100!

TheGruffaloMother · 15/12/2016 20:47

OK, you've obviously had a long day OP and aren't feeling your best.

Let's add some rationale to the situation to break through the hormone fug though.

You only mentioned your previous health issues when people started getting a bit harsh with you. Those issues don't seem to be the reason you expected more of your boss. Pregnancy itself isn't really a reason to expect more either. And if your boss was used to having to hand hold more because of your other issues, he'd have done the same tonight.

It does sound like he was a bit abrupt though...up until that point, did you think you were getting in the cab together? The way you've told it, it sounds like he said it as he was getting in the cab, didn't give you a chance to respond then shut the door and drove off. If that's how it happened, it's poor form and I feel for you.

As others have said, you should have known where you were staying. And it seems you did, considering you then gave that location to 3 taxi drivers. Not taking responsibility for yourself is a mistake in your circumstances; one that I'm sure you're aware of now. But thinking of it properly...your boss being there wouldn't have changed the first 2 cab drivers not knowing where you were staying.

In the kindest way possible, if the fare was going to be small and you were upset and clearly pregnant, a less charitable cab driver may well claim they don't know where you're going. That seems more likely than 2 London taxi drivers in a row not knowing a local hotel.

Finally, I'm not sure how you think your boss is ignorant? Maybe not the word you meant?

Hopefully you've had a nice long bath and feel a bit less overwrought now. Flowers

mummytime · 15/12/2016 20:50

You'd have more sympathy if you hadn't been in London. Black Cab drivers can usually get you anywhere, and even if it was an obscure hotel, they could chat on the radio and someone would have known.

Of course if it was an Uber...

OverTheGardenGate · 15/12/2016 20:51

I also forgot to say that being 32 weeks pregnant is a red herring. I have a gut feeling that OP was just unnerved at being alone in an unfamiliar big city, and is accustomed to being 'looked after'

WyfOfBathe · 15/12/2016 20:51

I don't really see what being pregnant has to do with it, or even most other health conditions (depending what they are, obviously). Unless you're about to give birth or pass out or something like that, I would expect you to be able to "survive" on your own.

My job doesn't involve that kind of trip, but whenever I do go away I learn the hotel name and, if relevant, the nearest public transport stop - as well as having the address/postcode in my phone. So I would assume that other adults would know where they're staying as well.

I do think he was rude to not offer you the first taxi if there was going to be a wait for another, but just because I would expect it to be a Very British Problems style "after you", "no after you", "no, I insist"

Amaried · 15/12/2016 20:55

Sweetest Jesus.. the helpless woman thing that some people have going on really annoys me.. it's that stuff that sets woman's lib back 20 years. You are a grown woman with a mouth in your head. You should have just asked him for the address and jumped in a cab

bloodyteenagers · 15/12/2016 20:56

Uber is even easier.
You put your collection point in (I've been picked up from just a road address).
Then you input the postcode or address. They all have maps they follow as they drive.

Madinche1sea · 15/12/2016 20:58

OP - sorry have not rtft, but what do you mean?
Your manager does not have a "duty of care" towards you - where would he have signed up to that? Yes, he should have done the gentlemanly thing and put you in the first cab. That's got nothing to do with being a manager though. I would do that if I was with a pregnant woman. Still I'd rather be standing pregnant in London than in the middle of the moors or something. Where did you come in from? Surely you wouldn't have needed 3 taxis to get to any hotel? Do you know where you are now?

MyWineTime · 15/12/2016 21:05

it took three taxis before a taxi driver knew where I was staying.
This really needs an explanation because it makes NO sense.
What information were you giving them that 2 taxi drivers couldn't make sense of?

MyWineTime · 15/12/2016 21:07

Out of politeness he should have given you the first cab, but no, he doesn't have a duty of care to take you back to the hotel or not go out himself.

And where was your overnight bag? Surely you were already checked into the hotel?

Sillybillybonker · 15/12/2016 21:15

UANBU - He should have made sure you knew where you were or offered you the taxi. Very ignorant!

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 15/12/2016 21:18

Where's the OP gone?

BastardGoDarkly · 15/12/2016 21:22

You're surprised she's stopped reading tankengine ? Hmm

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/12/2016 21:26

The OP has gone the way of all OPs who ask AIBU when absolutely certain that they are NBU only to be told that they are, in fact, BU.

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 15/12/2016 21:27

Gutted. There are still so many questions to be answered....

OverTheGardenGate · 15/12/2016 21:40

She has gone away to have a little think. lots of us grown up provincials feel unnerved alone in London. Being pregnant is beside the point though. It's scary until you disover how easy it is. Not knowing the name of the hotel you are staying in is ridiculous and I struggle to believe that. I think she just expected the boss to take her home and he didn't. Sounds a bit entitled.

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 21:46

To be fair she's probably fast asleep as she's had a long and tiring day (not being sarcastic btw).

notinagreatplace · 15/12/2016 21:59

All the people talking about "putting her in the first cab" - how was he supposed to know that she even wanted to take a cab? I would never "put someone into a cab" in London because they might want to take a bus or the tube or an uber or walk - I'm not in charge of their transport arrangements so I wouldn't presume that they wanted to take a taxi just because I did. For all he knew, she was off to meet a friend herself.

I have travelled with lots of colleagues - both my own managers and people I manage and we deal with our own transport arrangements and all know where we are staying.

I have recently been pregnant (gave birth 6 weeks ago) and live in London, it's really not that hard to navigate.

Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 22:12

My guess with the three taxis is that OP only had the base name and not the area, perhaps the third cabbie was willing to drive around to find the right one.

Jengnr · 15/12/2016 22:17

If you want to go out on the piss and your companion wants to go home you let them have the first taxi, especially if they're done in like I would have been at 32 weeks after a loooong day.

But that's it. The rest is all very dramatic.

How did the third taxi driver know where you were staying if you didn't op? Did he follow yonder star?

Trifleorbust · 15/12/2016 22:33

Some very harsh responses here. No, the manager does not have a 'duty of care' and he can, if he wishes, be as much of a dick as he wants and leave a heavily pregnant woman while he sorts out his own transport. BUT there seems to be a pretence here that the OP is not more vulnerable because she is 32 weeks pregnant and that is nonsense - late pregnancy is tiring and a pregnant woman in a strange place at night should be given some additional considerations, like the first taxi. The manager was rude.

Diemme · 15/12/2016 22:36

Well I'm totally with OP. I couldn't care less if people think I'm a helpless female (which I'm not). In my world chivalry is alive and well. And when there's a queue for being comfortable and safe after a long day, real men give up their place for pregnant women.

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 15/12/2016 22:42

It's not about being chivalrous, it's about being a grown up and not apparently being able to give 2 taxi drivers sufficient information for them to be able to locate her hotel.

RB68 · 15/12/2016 22:54

A work place should ensure the safety of their workers when they are on duty. As such when away from home for work purposes you are on duty and being safe includes ensuring they have a safe way to return to the hotel. If someone is vulnerable there is more of a duty and as her manager he has that responsibility. He was an utter arsehole to not at least properly check she knew where she was going, had enough wearwithall to get there and the nice thing to do would have been to check how she was going to manage that and if she said taxi ensure she got one first. As a woman I would do this for another woman or younger woman working for me and especially so at 32 weeks just when you are getting to a size where adjustments in the workplace might need to be made

Backingvocals · 15/12/2016 22:55

He should have made sure you got the first cab. Just as a kindness, not because you need mollycoddling.

I had to go overnight to Paris on the Eurostar at 33 weeks. I had to tell my boss to lift up my suitcase onto the scanner for me. He was just a bit clueless - he hadn't had children then so just didnt know. I also had to get the firm to confirm that they would cover any costs that arose if anything happened as I couldnt get travel insurance to cover pg at that stage. I think they thought I was making a bit of a fuss but they were just being clueless. DD was born two weeks later so it was all more imminent than we knew.

I think OP just needs a little looking after. And that's fair enough. I went through two pgs on my own with no one's help or support. A little kindness goes a long way. HOpe you are ok OP.