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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ahickiefromkinickie · 15/12/2016 19:42

You were allowed to get a cab to the hotel! It could have been worse, you could have been told to get the tube/bus.

Polite thing would have been to offer you the first cab but I would have definitely checked where I was supposed to be staying and not relied on someone else knowing. Who booked the hotel?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/12/2016 19:46

Empathy and understanding for what though?

The fact that a fully functioning adult human felt unable to get into a motorised vehicle at the door of one establishment and be driven to the door of another establishment? The fact that she had not had the common sense to find out where she was staying?

Yes, it would have been great if he had let you take the first cab, OP, but that's about it.

BastardGoDarkly · 15/12/2016 19:48

He should have given you the cab, that's it though really, sorry OP, there really is no 'duty of care' to a fully functioning adult, with a hotel booked.

You're knackered though, so I don't think you should be getting a pasting on here Flowers

shillwheeler · 15/12/2016 19:49

Worked in London and commuted all way through my pregnancy, but still think some of the posts are unduly harsh on OP.

Surprised OP didn't know hotel, but maybe they had not yet checked in. And everyone's comfort zone is different.

As an adult, I agree unreasonable to expect to be looked after. However, taking a taxi and leaving OP like that is quite a dickish thing to do. He should have let her go first and tell the taxi driver where to (or make sure OP had those details). As a manager, I would put staff first particularly if they have been working late.

And actually catching a taxi in London isn't always that easy, depends on time and place (and whether it is raining). Probably not much fun trying to flag one down if you at heavily pregnant in a strange city.

Why is Mumsnet so judge-y?

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/12/2016 19:53

Not all pregnancies are easy, Ghostspirit merely pointed out the difference between hers.

Empathy and understanding would have gone a very long way in this particular situation. OP, sounded very stressed which isn't good for any pregnant person. She's feeling vulnerable, which is understandable...

Is it my turn to be shot down? :(

GabsAlot · 15/12/2016 19:56

so if u didnt know your hotel why didnt u ask him earlier

how did the cabbies guess it if u didnt know either

Pluto30 · 15/12/2016 19:57

It takes roughly 0.2 seconds to get a cab in the city and I don't even live in London. I'm also not sure how you didn't know at least the name and general location of your hotel, or how you were unable to look it up with your phone.

Not sure how you've made it to adulthood with this precious attitude, tbh.

clare2307 · 15/12/2016 19:57

If you mean that he should have given you the first cab, then yes, I agree, he should have.

If you mean you think he should have escorted you back to your hotel, YABU, you are an adult who, although pregnant, is still capable of sitting in a taxi on your own and getting yourself back to your hotel.

IJustWantABrew · 15/12/2016 19:57

Your pregnant ... your an adult ... unless you have either a mental or physical disability I actually can't imagine why your can't negotiate public transport. Pregnant people do it all the time. The world doesn't stop because your pregnant.

indigox · 15/12/2016 20:00

You're an adult, about to be a mother, of course he would expect you to be able to get a taxi and tell the driver where to go.

Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 20:02

Pluto it can take a lot longer to get a cab hence why I said I'd let the tired colleague go first for sure.
Actually I am now wondering if OP is going to say she's really young.
Also "ignorance" is an interesting word, perhaps op is very young and thinking of duty of care to a 17 year old maybe?

Katy07 · 15/12/2016 20:07

A decent manager would ensure that their more junior staff (of any age, sex, child-bearing status etc.) were in a taxi first so he's a bit of a thoughtless twat. But unless you were in a quiet part of London and therefore there were personal safety issues, it's not unreasonable to expect you to get back to the hotel on your own. If you thought you were going to struggle you should said something before he got into the taxi. He's obviously not a mind reader...

MargaretCavendish · 15/12/2016 20:09

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 'melmel89' was born in 1989.

Lunar1 · 15/12/2016 20:11

Is traveling for events a one off for you or is it part of your job? It doesn't sound like it's a good fit for you.

Attitudes like this are what puts people off hiring women of child bearing age. If you are having a difficult pregnancy and can't manage right now get a sick note. You can't blame your boss for you not knowing your hotel!

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 20:11

Actually I am now wondering if OP is going to say she's really young.

Going by her username I'd hazard a guess at 27, but the username might be misleading!

The manager should have seen her safely in taxi out of common courtesy but I'm still bemused as to how she didn't know where she was staying Confused

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2016 20:12

"A decent manager would ensure that their more junior staff (of any age, sex, child-bearing status etc.) were in a taxi first so he's a bit of a thoughtless twat."

Your manager is not your parent and when you have a manager and another member of staff it's usually the more junior one who's in charge of organisational stuff.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 15/12/2016 20:19

If the situation was literally just OP and boss stood there after the meal, boss says 'right I'm off to get shitfaced', hails a cab and disappears into the night without so much as a second thought about the OP then yes that was very rude and thoughtless.

If, however, there was a larger group, possibly some going on elsewhere and some not, boss quickly checks whether OP is joining the group going on and she says 'no I think I'll go back to the hotel'. Boss replies 'Ok then, you know how to get back don't you' reasonably assuming that OP has this basic information then there's no real issue other than the fact OP hadn't furnished herself with the basic details of where she was staying.

BastardGoDarkly · 15/12/2016 20:24

God, what is the point of just repeating previous arsey posters, over and over?

toptoe · 15/12/2016 20:25

They should have looked out for you - it doesn't take much to make sure you got back to the hotel ok if you have health issues in pregnancy. You're probably feeling more vulnerable than normal at the moment and I suspect they just sort of 'forgot' and just assumed you'd be alright. They were inconsiderate I guess is the word.

bittapitta · 15/12/2016 20:25

What a world of grey areas - yes your manager sounds like a dick BUT YABU (pats head)

Hope you are safely at your hotel now OP, asleep or enjoying a bath!

OverTheGardenGate · 15/12/2016 20:26

I have to negotiate my way around London quite often, and I really dislike doing it. It's busy and noisy and I feel right out of my comfort zone. However, it's probably the easiest place in the country to get safely and efficiently from A to B with minimum fuss. My head knows this and I would be mortified if any of my colleagues thought I was incapable of getting from a to b without assistance. I think your boss didn't think you needed any special assistance. I don't think that makes him ignorant. I think you are just a bit hormonal.

ChocChocPorridge · 15/12/2016 20:26

I think that whilst, yes, of course you should be perfectly capable of getting yourself to the hotel (and at least knowing the name of that hotel), I would be holding some very unflattering opinions of a boss who did that.

If this were me, or any of the good bosses I've had, or my partner in his capacity as a manager you would have gone in the first cab, made sure that that cab driver knew where he was going (and that that was actually where you wanted to go), and quite probably you'd have had the cab fare thrust into your hand too (assuming your employee, not a fellow manager yourself). It's just what you do. You look after your subordinates, and that goes double if they are heavily pregnant and in a strange town.

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/12/2016 20:35

So you did know where you were staying or did the 3rd taxi driver just make a lucky guess where you were staying! Hmm

If you didn't know then presumably when he said you know where you're staying you replied No I don't actually.

I also do not believe 2 taxi drivers did not know where if it was in fact you giving them the hotel details.

This is what is giving you a hard time on here. As many have said loads of us have been pregnant, worked, had health issues and managed to function as an adult.

It is women who expect to be treated as if they were special whilst pregnant that holds other women back in the workplace.

YABVU.

ememem84 · 15/12/2016 20:36

I am more junior than my manager and is econd the poster above who said it's usually the more junior person who's in charge of stufff like travel. I book all our (and his when he travels alone) travel. I set meetings in calendars with locations and directions of how to get there. Imake sure we have everything and make sure my junior at home knows where we are and where we're meant to be.

No way you worked in London if you don't usually and didn't know where you were going.

OliviaStabler · 15/12/2016 20:36

Are you from the UK OP?