Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 10 11 12 ··· 17 18

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Julius02 · 16/12/2016 09:20

Some really horrible responses on here. If I was your manager I would have given you the first taxi, but I would have expected you to know where you were staying.

Olympiathequeen · 16/12/2016 09:21

You are being a bit precious, but your manager was also rude and insensitive.

In future don't do any work related extras for him.

GardeningWithDynamite · 16/12/2016 09:23

I don't think going "back" to the hotel necessarily implies she'd been there before. Could it have been that she knew that they were staying in a particular chain of hotels but not exactly which one of them and had to go in more than one to find where she was booked in?

OP - a good manager should have made sure you knew where you were going. He was selfish just disappearing and leaving you. Look after yourself.

ShadowMane · 16/12/2016 09:23

No one has said the manager wasn't rude, what people have said is that the op is an adult and should be able to a. remember the name of the hotel where she is staying, and b. get in a taxi on her own

It's not harsh it's true
How will the op manage when she has a baby relying on her?

Beebeeeight · 16/12/2016 09:24

Aibu?

Everyone: yabu

Op has strop, drip feeds then disappears.

Ho hum

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2016 09:27

What a cliche bee, and it isn't a unanimous YABU.

happychristmasbum · 16/12/2016 09:28

Is this thread a wind up?

OP please come back and tell us how you got back to the hotel if you didn't know where you were going?

I have travelled the world and been drunk as a skunk and still managed to remember the name of the hotel I was staying in.

It sounds to me as though you have been less than truthful in your OP, as clearly you did know where you were going, unless the taxi driver had psychic powers?

I cannot see what the manager did wrong here.

mangolime · 16/12/2016 09:31

What's the big deal about him being her manager? Does being someone's line manger mean you also have to mentor them through life and look out for them outside work? My manager is a moron.

iloveeverykindofcat · 16/12/2016 09:34

Isn't anyone else creeped out by men who 'cosset' women? I'm not pregnant but I do have a physical disability, and nothing creeps me out faster than men who attempt to white knight me.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 16/12/2016 09:34

So you'd all ready been at the hotel before the event Op? How is it not possible to know where it was then?

dowhatnow · 16/12/2016 09:36

Even if she didn't know the name if the hotel, it's not a huge hardship to ring him up and say "oi you, I've forgotten the name if the hotel. Remind me again"
I'm annoyed that women think they should have special treatment, pregnant or not.
Woman up!

RhodaBull · 16/12/2016 09:36

The OP does sound like an elderly lady, or at least one of a long-gone era. My mother, mil and countless aunts etc never drove, were escorted everywhere and would have certainly expected a male boss to take them back to their hotel - with a hand under their elbow, of course. I don't think even they would have thought the boss shouldn't go out drinking, though!

I also can imagine dm not knowing where her hotel was (not that she ever stayed anywhere alone her whole life). She would at best say, "The Hilton" or whatever, not knowing that there are several. I think some people go through life being "looked after" and expect a lot from others, and are quick to criticise when they deem them to have fallen short.

Castleheights · 16/12/2016 09:36

Well I've trekked the apps at 32 weeks, worked full time until I went into labour and im a chimney sweep... if I can do it, so can you.
Seriously some people on here are so ruthless!

Castleheights · 16/12/2016 09:37

Apps... alps of course!

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2016 09:37

Isn't anyone else creeped out by men who 'cosset' women?

Yes, it makes me want to vomit. When a friend was pregnant her boyfriend "wouldn't let her out if his sight". She seemed to think it was sweet. It was patronising and controlling to me.

PurpleDaisies · 16/12/2016 09:38

Posted too soon. I did want to ask her if "not letting her out of his sight" extended to her having a poo but politeness stopped me.

Lunar1 · 16/12/2016 09:38

A good manager should not make sure an adult knows where they are going. A good manager should employ staff capable of knowing where they are going!

iloveeverykindofcat · 16/12/2016 09:41

My friend has to phone her husband intermittently when we go out. She is 'not allowed' to get the bus like us plebs, he insists she gets a taxi.
Fuuuuuuccckkkkkkkk offfffffffff.
I swear to God he's one step off chaperoning her.

RhodaBull · 16/12/2016 09:42

I wouldn't mind a bit of cosseting now and then! Mil managed do the completely being cosseted thing - fil was her slave - combined with also ruthlessly ruling the roost. I realise there is an art to this, one I have not even begun to master.

RhiWrites · 16/12/2016 09:43

I am a manager. It wouldn't occur to me an adult would take note of the name and address of their hotel. But if they opened their mouth and said "I can't remember the address" I'd tell them.

OP seems not to have taken responsibility for herself.

RhiWrites · 16/12/2016 09:43

*wouldnt take note, not would

user1471545174 · 16/12/2016 09:50

Any polite colleague, manager or not, would offer the pregnant colleague the first taxi - that's nothing to do with men, women or work status, it's just good manners.

I am genuinely intrigued about why OP didn't know where she was staying and would love her to come back and explain! All sarcasm aside. It's the first thing you establish if you are staying somewhere different - name and street of your hotel.

Crumbs1 · 16/12/2016 09:58

I manage a large team of men and women aged 35 - 55. I would always ensure that they had a means of getting to hotel, wait until last, check everyone arrived safely if travelling late to somewhere different and generally provide a degree of pastoral care as well as line management. Today is our Christmas meal in London. I won't drink but will buy the wine. I will leave last having checked everyone is OK getting home, that everyone is being collected from stations of fit to drive etc.
No being pregnant does not make you unable to do your job but do I cosset my pregnant team members a little more by making sure not doing excessively long days, lifting huge amounts etc? Absolutely.
He was being a discourteous man and an inconsiderate line manager.

mangolime · 16/12/2016 10:00

I'd find all of that quite patronising crumbs

TwoGunslingers · 16/12/2016 10:02

I have a feeling if he had offered to take her back to the hotel we would have been looking at AIBU to think that just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I am incapable of looking after myself *hair flick.

It's a brave new world. Women are fighting to be taken seriously in the work place and you're having a strop because your choice to preocreate hasn't resulted in the whole world bending over backwards to help you.

If you didn't know where the hotel was then you are , I'm sorry to say, a complete clot. Who doesn't plan and check their itinerary when travelling for work. Or maybe just say "oh actually I'm not sure where the hotel is can you text me the details whilst you zip away for a drinking session in the only cab in London"

Good luck with the pregnancy OP. Hopefully you don't stuffer anymore traumatic travel fiascos

Flip

1 2 ··· 10 11 12 ··· 17 18