Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
flumpybear · 16/12/2016 07:08

Sorry OP but you're a grown up, you should be Able
To ask the admin person which hotel you were booked into just to sort your own life out TBF
I went to a conference in London when I was 38 weeks pregnant, it was full medics and nobody helped me I just took taxis and travelled first
Class so I could fit in the seat lol

bloodyteenagers · 16/12/2016 08:05

Posters living in London has nothing to do with anything.
Regardless of where you are in the world you should know where you are staying.
She had been in the hotel for at least one night. She would have had some type of itinerary with all details - travel, hotel, places they would have been attending and repellent tickets.
If she didn't then before setting off she should have asked for these things.
She should have been aware of her surroundings when arriving and leaving the hotel.
And if she really didn't pay any attention at all, then she should have asked the manager for details.
Or failing that called her company.
Pregnancy should not devoid you of taking responsibility for yourself.

BadLad · 16/12/2016 08:27

So looks like op is mia

Perhaps she can't find her way back to the thread.

ShadowMane · 16/12/2016 08:34

Pregnancy should not devoid you of taking responsibility for yourself

This!

DeepanKrispanEven · 16/12/2016 08:37

No pregnancy isn't an 'illness', but why do we have to pretend we're exactly the same as in our non pregnant state- when we're just not?

I don't think anyone is saying that. But when we are working and functioning in our jobs, it's reasonable to say that pregnancy does not take away the ability to remember what hotel we are in and cope with calling a taxi, and that we don't need men to do that for us.

And obviously it has nothing to do with whether you're familiar with London or whatever town you are in. Remembering your hotel name and the road it's in is not a skill unique to Londoners, and taxis in big towns operate the same way wherever you are in the UK.

GinIsIn · 16/12/2016 08:38

This has actually made me quite cross - as I mentioned upthread, I'm 32 weeks as well, and I really resent the implication that heavily pregnant women are meant to be some delicate little flower who needs to be chaperoned by a man. Looking after yourself is your own responsibility, and you need to take ownership of it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/12/2016 08:40

If you didn't know where you were going, you should have found out for yourself. Unless you actually live in the 1950s?

You are pregnant, that doesn't remove the ability to find things out and look after yourself does it? Expecting your boss to escort you back is ridiculous, and if he had, he would have laid himself open to accusations of being patronising!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/12/2016 08:42

Christ, a PP telling OP to "sort her own life out".

It was bound to end up like this...threads like this always do, don't they?

Obviously you're feeling quite vulnerable OP. I felt vulnerable when I was pregnant too. Pregnancy isn't an illness but being heavily pregnant can mean you are more tired than usual, and obviously hormones have a massive part to play in our emotional state.

He should have offered you the first taxi. He should have asked you if you're OK and you know where you're going. I would have felt upset too.

Anyway, you're alright and all is well. I wouldn't dwell on it now. Xmas Smile

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/12/2016 08:43

And being so precious (do you make comments about 'baby brain' too?) doesn't exactly help the cause of all of those women who have to fight to be taken seriously in the workplace when they are pregnant.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/12/2016 08:44

"when away from home for work purposes you are on duty "

I see what you're saying, but if you argue that, nobody can ever have a drink when away with work as they're on duty all the time.

viques · 16/12/2016 08:51

If the op had been "abandoned "by her manager in the middle of an industrial estate stuck in the wilds of the Yorkshire moors ,at 2 o'clock in the morning during a blizzard with no phone signal I might have had some sympathy. But she was in London,plenty of cabs, good internet , not even particularly cold at the moment.

Sorry precious snowflake, woman up and start thinking about how the heck you are going to cope when you have a baby to think about as well as yourself.

Katy07 · 16/12/2016 08:56

How did the third taxi driver know where you were staying if you didn't op? Did he follow yonder star?
Fab Grin And the poster who suggested the OP couldn't find her way back to this thread.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/12/2016 08:58

Livia, I wasn't taken seriously at work when pregnant. I had constant comments about baby brain when my performance hadn't changed at all. One male colleague in particular just thought I was fair game for derogatory insulting comments.

Being professional at work is one thing but I can't say at any point during my pregnancy did I feel totally immune to the impact of hormones on my body...there were times when I did feel tearful for no discernible reason. The harshness of the comments on here, it's quite appalling. OP felt a bit vulnerable, so what? She's hardly betraying womankind for a momentary slip. Does she deserve to be ripped to pieces for it?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/12/2016 08:59

I wouldn't come back after reading some of these replies either. Vile.

StripedTulip · 16/12/2016 09:01

YABU.

FFS - If you're grown up enough to get pregnant, you are grown up enough to get yourself home. London is just a city. It's not some special scary place that eats pregnant women.

If you were tired, why did you not go home early? It's called being a grown up.

Your manager may have behaved unkindly as a person but not as a manager.

Another generation of special snowflakes coming up!

shinynewusername · 16/12/2016 09:01

A work place should ensure the safety of their workers when they are on duty. As such when away from home for work purposes you are on duty and being safe includes ensuring they have a safe way to return to the hotel.

Another classic from the MN Big Book of Made Up HR Rules Grin

For one thing, you are not constantly on duty when you are away from home for work purposes. But, even when you are on duty, an employer only has to take reasonable steps to ensure a safe working environment. This certainly does not include a duty to deliver employees to wherever they are staying. How do you think those of us who travel solo for work manage?

GinIsIn · 16/12/2016 09:02

PotatoSalad nobody is saying the OP isn't allowed to feel vulnerable. What we are all saying is that pregnancy is no excuse to use that vulnerability to accuse other people of ignorance, or to try and pass the buck for your own personal responsibility. Hmm

Oblomov16 · 16/12/2016 09:07

Ha ha. This is well funny. Yonder star and mia.
Hopefully OP is sat, having breakfast, in her nice hotel, that the 3rd Hmm taxi driver managed to find......

cauliwobbles · 16/12/2016 09:07

Baghdad, Kabul, Jaywick maybe. London No!! Hmm

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/12/2016 09:08

Of course, but what has the OP accused the manager of besides being a bit ignorant? Of course she has responsibility for herself which I'm sure the OP knows. I think some of the responses are way out of proportion.

Presumably she got to the hotel and all was well, yet she's being told she needs to sort her life out. Anyway...

Penhacked · 16/12/2016 09:08

A lot of you would be shit managers.

I've been a manager in a big multinational with great emphasis on staff retention and I can't tell you how much emphasis is put on knowing your people and respecting them. That includes being in tune with how they feel. He should have sensed you were out of your comfort zone somewhere unfamiliar in late pregnancy and made sure you knew where you were going. It is also common courtesy whether male or female.
You now have the measure of him, he is selfiah and not at all in touch with his people.

daisychain01 · 16/12/2016 09:08

Whatever happened to manners and just general courtesy to others

No such thing any more, reading the posts on here.

It's much more important to people to get out there on the lash that bother about someone else's welfare.

BadLad · 16/12/2016 09:12

This situation sounds like the build-up to one of those three-stage jokes.

There's a pregnant woman in London, and she asks the first cab driver "Do you know where I'm staying?"
The first driver says "Nah, love?" and drives off.
Then another taxi comes along, and she asks the second driver "Do you know where I'm staying?"
The second driver says "Fack off ahht of it," and drives off.
Then she asks the third cab driver "Do you know where I'm staying?"

(Insert punchline)

Penhacked · 16/12/2016 09:14

Also Gus, people are people. Lots of people have irrational fears and concerns. This wasn't an entirely irrational concern, there was a bit if logic behind it. But even if it was irrational, the manager should take it into account. If you knew one of your employees has a fear of lifts, would you make then take the lift with you for expediency's sake even if it made them hyperventilate? No, you would respect that everyone is different and needs to be treated as a human being, obviously within reason. If you don't know this sizzle about the people who work for you every day, you are not a great manager, sorry to say.

StripedTulip · 16/12/2016 09:17

It is also common courtesy whether male or female

Yes indeed it is, and as a manager I would have made sure others knew where they were going, and hailed cabs for them before finding my own.

But the tone of the OP is whingey, and a tad entitled. I took it that the OP had been working in London "this week" ie for most of this week, so knew her way about from hotel to workplace & back. And that they were finishing the week working in London by dinner out.

If I had been as tired as the OP says she was, I would have excused myself from the dinner, got back to my hotel, called room service & watched trash TV.

The problem with the OP is that she takes no responsibility for herself.

And yes, colleagues should have looked out for her. But maybe they were tired too? Or wanted to get home. If it's been such a tough week for them all, they're all wanting toi get home, or wind down. I do it by watching terrible television, others go out drinking - there's no moral hierarchy here.