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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to order my 18 yo food in a restaurant?

89 replies

LemonTrees16 · 15/12/2016 13:11

I've been doing it her whole life, her older sister has been asking from about 11+, so I don't really understand it. She says she feels awkward... It was her 18th yesterday and I know turning 18 doesn't mean every thing has to change, but I think it's a good time to finally say, you need to do it yourself. AIBU? When I have said this to her before, she just sits there and says "I won't have anything"

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/12/2016 13:14

There's a bigger issue there where she is struggling with normal social interaction. Tough love is one answer sure, but I'd be trying to work out why she can't order food in a restaurant, that would concern me, if it's at the stage she'd rather not eat than articulate her order.

amispartacus · 15/12/2016 13:14

DS has been ordering for himself for ages. He's 11. Does she go out for meals with friends?

Ginosaji · 15/12/2016 13:15

Yanbu, legally shes an adult now, she can drive, get married and drink alcohol so ordering food should be simple

BitchQueen90 · 15/12/2016 13:15

Has she got some sort of social anxiety?

Pinkheart5915 · 15/12/2016 13:15

Is your DD shy? Lacking in confidence?

I am shy and when I speak in a noisy restaurant sometimes the waitress/waiter can't hear me so often I'll just tell DH want I want and he'll ask for it. Or if I book the meal out it will be at one of the independent places were they can hear me.
I know it makes me sounds childish that DH asks for me and I do feel silly that at my age I am a mother i own a business but I can't order food in a restaurant

IMissGin · 15/12/2016 13:16

My 5yo orders her food in a restaurant. Does she have much bigger social anxiety issues? What does she do when she's out with her mates?

user1477282676 · 15/12/2016 13:17

I used to hate it too...didn't help that my sister used to take the piss out of me when I did!

Why don't you practice with her?

EatTheCake · 15/12/2016 13:18

How is your DD in other social situations?
Is she shy?

I am 48 and I never order my own meal, either DH or a friend will do it for me as I really struggle even talking to a stranger about something so simple

Hedgehog80 · 15/12/2016 13:18

I'm 34 and can't order my own food/drink.
If it helps your dc then carry on it's not a massive issue, if is a coping strategy and it's working then all well and good.

Original poster
LemonTrees16 · 15/12/2016 13:18

Never goes out for meals with friends, doesn't eat at sixth form and waits until she gets home. It's not that she doesn't want the food though, so it's obviously an anxiety, but me keep doing it, isn't going to help her, surely?

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 15/12/2016 13:18

Is it a social anxiety thing- what part about it worries her?

My brother was a bit like this until 22 or so- my mum would book his doctors appointments etc for him as he couldn't deal with speaking to strangers over the phone incase he 'got it wrong'. I suspect his wife still does it for him now, actually.

Ahoybee · 15/12/2016 13:19

Im a very shy person. I find it hard to order food/speak in public in general. I get my dp to order for me if I can otherwise I go bright red! I would try to ease her into it, I'm a bit older than her and am getting more comfortable with ordering for myself.

Some people are just shy/awkward and it makes it worse when people point it out!

bbcessex · 15/12/2016 13:19

I imagine there must be other issues yoo?

Original poster
LemonTrees16 · 15/12/2016 13:19

But she is great in all other aspects of life, she is infact very social, has a part-time job, doing her a levels and volunteers.

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 15/12/2016 13:20

It'll mean she can never go into a restaurant or cafe in her own though surely, that's not ideal as an adult Sad

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 15/12/2016 13:21

My sister was the same but is slowly getting better. She struggles terribly with social anxiety and feels like speaking to strangers is like a huge ordeal that causes panic attacks. She too would rather go without than ask sometimes. She's 29.

amispartacus · 15/12/2016 13:22

It is an life skill though - interacting with strangers. And one that needs addressing - in a sensitive way. You can't always have someone with you and your needs might not be addressed.

I am sure someone on here can offer advice on tackling such issues.

Arfarfanarf · 15/12/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katy07 · 15/12/2016 13:22

But you just refusing isn't going to help her anxiety because she's just going to not eat. Better that you help her - maybe going somewhere that she can just order a simple drink or something uncomplicated.

Original poster
LemonTrees16 · 15/12/2016 13:24

She has no issues with speaking to strangers, she works on the till in a supermarket, it's a must and recently won employee of the month for the most amount of customer reviews, so it's not like she is bad at her job either! she has friends at sixth form, etc.

it's just when it's to do with food.

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 15/12/2016 13:24

I'm 36 and still have massive anxiety related to using the phone. And I can tell you that other people saying 'oh its easy' and making a big deal out of it doesn't help.

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2016 13:25

Looks like there is an issue with food here? I think it's a wider issue than not being able to order in a restaurant if she doesn't eat at school either. I think you need to do something yes, but maybe talk to her and start to yak baby steps. I'd try to understand what's causing this as it will have a detrimental impact on her life of it goes on.

Wolfiefan · 15/12/2016 13:25

Why though? Does she have other issues around food?
You refusing to order for her doesn't actually solve anything does it?

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2016 13:26

Also is her weight normal?

Arfarfanarf · 15/12/2016 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.