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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not take annual leave for dd's uni open day?

148 replies

jjos1 · 15/12/2016 11:57

my shift falls on the same day/time, but annual leave is an option. she has just turned 19... she really wants me to come. however, i want to go to work and not use my annual leave for it.

OP posts:

Seeline · 15/12/2016 12:00

I don't understand why parents have to go to all these open days now? When I went to poly in the Dark ages you applied to 5 unis and 4 polys. I visited them all on my own. My parents didn't drive and the cost of rail/coach tickets for an extra adult would have been ridiculous. But there were no other parents at the events, and I am sure that most paretns would have had cars even in those days.

PNGirl · 15/12/2016 12:01

As long as she can get herself there you don't really need to go - my mum and dad didn't go to either of mine. But I'd take the day off if she really wants you to.

Original poster

jjos1 · 15/12/2016 12:07

great, thank you

OP posts:

frazmum · 15/12/2016 12:10

Because they apppreciate your views. Mine at least wanted me to go to a couple to help figure out what they needed to ask about.

It's about helping them transition to being an adult.

DailyFail1 · 15/12/2016 12:10

Whats the point of annual leave if you don't use it to help your daughter with one of the biggest decisions in her life thus far?

Footinmouthasusual · 15/12/2016 12:11

Mmm the only one of my 4 kids uni days I didn't go to was ds 1 and he dropped out in year 2. The course wasn't right and I know if I had gone and helped him navigate all the questions we both would have realised that and although he's doing great now he has student debt for a wasted 2 years.

Just been to dd 4s and honestly I think the schools and parents now make school and life so comforting sns supportive these days that the kids don't have the critical analys we had back in the day. Schools even help them fill out the ucas forms etc.

No one took me or my dsis either and I wish they had as I made a totally wrong choice.

Still you know your kid best and I think if she's ok going alone that's bloody great just maybe get her to really ask the questions about what the course entails and not just look st the facilities and the location.

baconandeggies · 15/12/2016 12:13

She'll be fine. YANBU to decline her invitation.

When I was her age I travelled 400 miles by myself for one of my open days - staying the night with an old school friend en-route.

PeteSwotatoes · 15/12/2016 12:13

Going to medical school was a huge deal for me. I had mental ill-health from my teen years, so when I applied at 26 I wanted them to come to my open days. It was a nice way for us to think about how things had changed, for me to feel proud and them to be proud of me.

I think every situation is unique. You'll get people on this thread saying that they sent their kids off on the train for 6 hours each way to their uni interviews, and that's fine for them, but others are different. Horses for courses. Do what suits you and your DD.

baconandeggies · 15/12/2016 12:14

your kid

She's a 19 year old woman!

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 15/12/2016 12:15

I think it's a really big decision to make totally by yourself. I'm independent and was from a young age, but I still really appreciated my mum's opinion on the two open days I went to with her.

If she wants you there, is it really such a big deal to take a day's hol to help her?

MinesAGin · 15/12/2016 12:15

Have you ever read the Teenage forum here, OP?

You have a daughter who wants to go to university and who wants you to go with her to the open day.

Count yourself very, very lucky indeed.

Be there for her if she needs you - she's done really well so far and just needs a bit of help now.

cestlavielife · 15/12/2016 12:17

Go thru all the open day dates with dd and your leave and tell her if you take leave for this you wont be able to take leave to eg take her shopping for uni stuff. Which is priority? She will manage open day alone if needs be

GreenAndWinter · 15/12/2016 12:19

I would go.

(I think this is the 19 year old daughter asking.)

CockacidalManiac · 15/12/2016 12:21

Although I went alone to all of mine in the late 80s, my daughter wanted me to go with her to some of hers. I was very happy to; it appeared to be important to her.

GeminiRising · 15/12/2016 12:21

My daughter wanted me to go with her to Uni open days - for one because we live in the arse end of Wales and it was cheaper and quicker for me to drive than for her to get a train there and back and two because she wanted me to look at the places with her and give my opinion.

The one I thought she would want to go to was not the one she chose in the end so she was quite happy to make her own choice about it, just wanted another viewpoint and someone to bounce her thoughts off. Nothing wrong with going with them if that's what they want.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 15/12/2016 12:22

She wants you there.

MrsFionaCharming · 15/12/2016 12:24

She's about to spend £36,000, is it so wrong to want a second opinion from someone with more life experience?

LaGattaNera · 15/12/2016 12:28

My parents didn't come with me but then I had a full grant and tutition fees paid for when I went. I don't have children, but if I did and I had to fund them through uni or at least part-fund them, yes I'd go to the open day to make sure that I was happy with it all.

bluebellation · 15/12/2016 12:28

It depends. Is this the only one she's going to, or the first of many? Why does she want you there? Is it easy to get to on public transport or can she drive herself there?

I went to some of both my DDs open days,for various reasons - mainly if they weren't accessible on public transport or if there were specific things they weren't sure about and wanted a second opinion. (Sometimes I just fancied a day out with them!)

Yes, at 19 she should be perfectly capable of going on her own, but that's not the point. If she wants you to go because she values your opinion, and you can spare the time, then go. With the costs involved nowadays it's a massive decision and not one to be taken without due consideration.

Footinmouthasusual · 15/12/2016 12:28

shes a 19 year old woman so what she asked for help and support does that cut off at 18? My DM is 81 if she needs my support she gets it.

Age doesn't matter.

Carrados · 15/12/2016 12:29

I'm going to go against popular opinion and say don't go.

From your OP, you clearly don't think it's important or see why it might be helpful for your DD. If that's your attitude, maybe it's best for her that you don't go.

Such a shame.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 15/12/2016 12:29

She wants you there. Do you not know how lucky you are? YABTFU.

Lunde · 15/12/2016 12:30

I went to all of mine by myself all of the several hundred miles of round trip - it was fun as half the people on the train were going to the same place and we had great fun comparing notes on the way home

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/12/2016 12:31

If she were my dd I'd make her a priority. She wants you there. That should be enough.

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 12:32

she really wants me to come

Surely that's the answer to your question?

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