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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take annual leave for dd's uni open day?

148 replies

jjos1 · 15/12/2016 11:57

my shift falls on the same day/time, but annual leave is an option. she has just turned 19... she really wants me to come. however, i want to go to work and not use my annual leave for it.

OP posts:
BillThePony · 16/12/2016 07:31

It's fine to not go. My dd went to about 6 I only went to one with her purely because I was off work and the town has good shopping, I didn't feel bad about not going to the others and she certainly wasn't bothered.

WhoKnowsWhereTheT1meG0es · 16/12/2016 07:45

I went to mine on my own. I had no idea what questions I should be asking and really no idea what exactly I wanted out of my degree course. Bu sheer luck I picked one that turmed out to be perfect for me. That was in the days of no loans and tuition fees, if I had got it wrong I could have switched or done sonething different without too much loss. It's totally different now and I wouldn't risk a wrong decision the way my parents did. I'd go.

glasshalfemp · 16/12/2016 07:47

I didn't visit the uni I went to until I had an interview and chose basically on reputation and location (first in my family to go to uni - Russell group). Now I would like to go with my children when the time comes because they would need financial help so I want to know what I'm paying for.....and it would be my choice as well as theirs.....and frankly these youngsters have been spoon fed so much and really just don't seem to have the hunger and ambition for life that I had. But I digress.....

WhisperingLoudly · 16/12/2016 08:07

Whether it's "normal",
What you did,
What your DC did,
What admission tutors expect

Is all totally irrelevant. The OPs DD has asked her to come and she'd rather work. Messed up.

IAmNotAUserNumber · 16/12/2016 08:07

OP have you ever given, or been given, moral support by simply being there for someone's big decision/event - buying a house, choosing a wedding dress, going to an important medical appointment?
Sure your DD is an adult and perfectly capable of physically getting herself to the event but maybe she doesn't want to go alone because choosing and embarking on a university degree is a huge decision and it's nice to have another pair of ears and eyes, -'and nice to chat about it afterwards.

You don't sound very interested in your DD's education which is sad.

Oh, and to inoculate, just in case this is one of THOSE threads - the Daily Mail is a nasty, misogynist newspaper with a fascist agenda

oleoleoleole · 16/12/2016 08:22

Your daughter wants your support but you'd rather be at work......really?

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 16/12/2016 09:25

I'm curious as to how the conversation will go should the op stick to her 'not going' stance: DD 'Mum, I'd really like you to come to this open day, it's my first choice and I'd like your opinion on it all - another set of eyes, plus it'd be nice to spend dome time together although I'd never tell you that, obviously.'
OP: 'Well DD, I have my job to do same as every other day, and I'd rather do that than support you in your education or spend the day together, plus loads of mumsnetters went to all the open days on their own including one who was floated down the river in a basket, so I'm going to say no.'
DD: 'Hmm Sad

IAmNotAUserNumber · 16/12/2016 10:15

I find it funny that an ad is now appearing for me below this thread showing a student being told "go to x university" and Which mag saying it's your decision, no-one else's. clearly Which has an opinion on this particular post too Grin

IAmNotAUserNumber · 16/12/2016 10:17

I also find it rather spooky that the ad now appearing is for a tech firm promoting data protection solutions - when I mentioned data protection on a different thread today Hmm

VoodooPeople · 16/12/2016 11:46

IAm

Try clearing cookies and see if it's still happening. Tracking cookies are used to target ads at people based on their posts (I think).

cardibach · 16/12/2016 12:11

OP you are asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice about whether to go, but you (and other posters) think it's odd and/or shows a lack of independence that Your DD wants your support and advice about a big life decision.
Just think about that...

PeachBellini123 · 16/12/2016 12:16

It's a huge decision so I can totally understand her need for support.

We always made a day out of it: had a nice lunch or dinner somewhere.

IAmNotAUserNumber · 16/12/2016 12:35

VoodooPeople how do I clear cookies? Blush

iwanttobemissmarple · 16/12/2016 12:55

Of course you should go! She wants you there. I went to all my interviews on my own but that was 32 years a long time ago. I had no debt to get in. It's completely different now.

myoriginal3 · 16/12/2016 12:58

Has she a friend who might go with her?

Lasvegas · 16/12/2016 13:31

I went up to Uni in 1988 never occurred to me to take a parent with me.

iwanttobemissmarple · 16/12/2016 14:02

But the point is ops dd wants her there. Most open days that I've been to with dc have parents there. Very few students on their own.

MiladyThesaurus · 16/12/2016 14:13

If the university is anything like the one I work for, they have about a million open days. The next one will be a long in a minute.

Or is it an offer holder's day?

BdumBdummer · 16/12/2016 17:17

I went to uni in 1984 and I took my parents for any open days. It's not a new thing to want a parent with you. If you don't, that's fine too as long as you are respecting the student's wishes and not just being an arse doing what suits you.

VoodooPeople · 16/12/2016 17:57

IAm

I tend to use a programme called CCleaner (free download) which hoovers up the crud.

If you hold down CTRL, SHIFT and DEL buttons at the same time you should get a 'clear browsing data' screen. If you set it up the same as in the picture (tick top 4 boxes) then click 'clear browsing data' that should do the trick

Be careful not to tick the saved passwords box

to not take annual leave for dd's uni open day?
Nanny0gg · 16/12/2016 18:49

Why don't you want to take the day off for her?

SuburbanRhonda · 17/12/2016 10:26

No OP - what a surprise Hmm

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2016 11:50

meh it just seems to timid to need your parents to say it's OK, this is the right decision. Not to be brave enough to own the process by yourself at 18 or 19 seems a sad indictment of the way society is going

What utter crap. I asked my dad to accompy me to open days. Not because I needed his validation or his confirmation but simply to have another pair of eyes there. It was immensely valuable to have him there for me and I actually remember the day trips we did so fondly. He never once said "you should...." but it was brilliant to have someone saying "of this compares with....." or "do you prefer this to......"

I had always been brought up to be independent - sorted my own work experiences, went away alone on trips.

But for me a successful independent person has the courage of their convictions to say "actually, another pair of eyes would be really useful" rather than I HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF BECAUSE I AM INDEPENDENT.

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