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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bit victim blamey? And putting being attacked equal with being an attacker?

261 replies

JustBeyond · 15/12/2016 10:37

That's my opinion, what do you think?

www.facebook.com/dorsetpolice/photos/a.718756231475885.1073741828.568402286511281/1618761368142029/?type=3

Bit victim blamey? And putting being attacked equal with being an attacker?
OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 15/12/2016 11:34

I don't think I like it. I don't drink, so I'm always sober, and yet I DO sometimes walk home alone at night (I wonder if they had men in mind when they put that bit in?); and rely on a stranger to get me home safely – if they mean a taxi or a bus or tube driver. Again, I have to wonder if they were thinking of men here, or just women.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/12/2016 11:36

I used to live in Bristol in the eighties/nineties and there were a few tragic cases of young women being killed after leaving a club etc to walk home, with a stranger or alone and bumping into the wrong person. Yes we should be able to walk home at daft o clock in thd morning on our own or even witha seemingly friendly stranger weve just met but sadly there is always a statistically very low but nonetheless a risk that we will become potential prey for some opportunist lowlife hanging around. So l think its good advice to increase your odds of getting home safely.

FizzySweeties · 15/12/2016 11:36

Giles in that situation, other friend should ring a taxi from friend's house, or stay over at friend's. Even if for a few hours, far more taxis available at 5 or 6am than at 2-3am.

Whether we like it or not, the world is such that it IS more dangerous to walk home alone, drunk, in the dark in the middle of the night. Suggestions to help prevent that? That's not victim blaming, it's victim prevention. Taking responsibility for your own safety, like lots of other measures - safety helmets, safety guards on machinery... if you operated machinery drunk, maybe you'd forget to put the safety guards on or injure yourself because your judgement was impaired. Not everything is victim blaming.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/12/2016 11:39

Ha so relying on a stranger to get you home safely does not extend to taxi drivers then?

icanteven · 15/12/2016 11:42

It's not victim blaming to tell people not to take risks. Is it victim blaming to tell someone not to leave their handbag on a cafe table while they go to the loo? No - it's telling people to protect themselves and show basic sense.

Lots of people walk home alone at night, but when you're hammered, all sorts of crazy things seem perfectly logical, including a long walk home alone on a questionable route that you would never normally take through the weird part of the city centre when you're wearing ridiculous heels and weaving about all over the place, because your phone's dead and you can't call or afford an Uber/taxi.

I remember walking home from town one night as a teen on a silent city street, with cars/vans parked along the side I was walking on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a guy unnecessarily cross the road and start walking closer and closer behind me. I got spooked, and went and walked in the middle of the road where I could be very clearly seen from all around. The guy walked on. Maybe it was nothing, but I didn't FEEL like it was nothing at the time. If I'd been drunk though, I would have been wearing headphones blaring out Nine Inch Nails and completely oblivious to any risk.

There is nothing victim-blaming about encouraging basic gumption.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/12/2016 11:43

Sapphire there are fairly regular cases where a young man walking around late at night alone gets set upon by a gang of lads Again he should be able to do that but unfortunately this does happen. It happened to my son actually when he was in his late teens and his only crime was to have just moved here and not be known to the local lads/gang of thugs

BeyondIBringYouGoodTidings · 15/12/2016 11:43

I've been groped by more than one (prebooked) taxi driver when drunk, and I also manage to walk home alone at least once a week without incident. I imagine my experience is biasing my opinion, but I can't be alone in those experiences?

Maybe83 · 15/12/2016 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/12/2016 11:44

Sapphire there are fairly regular cases where a young man walking around late at night alone gets set upon by a gang of lads Again he should be able to do that but unfortunately this does happen. It happened to my son actually when he was in his late teens and his only crime was to have just moved here and not be known to the local lads/gang of thugs

icanteven · 15/12/2016 11:44

Ha so relying on a stranger to get you home safely does not extend to taxi drivers then?

If you take a licensed taxi or call an Uber/Hackney, you should be safe. There are always exceptions, but you are safer than you would be getting into the car of a guy who just pulls up and says "I'll take you home, love." presumably.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/12/2016 11:45

and we live in what is known as a 'naice' area!

M0stlyHet · 15/12/2016 11:47

I hate the way it lumps together doing something that might possibly be a bit foolish but not illegal (walking home alone while too drunk to be sufficiently aware of your surroundings) with acts which are clearly illegal.

When I was younger I often walked home alone at night - because I couldn't afford taxis the whole time, I frequently worked late, I didn't want to live under house arrest and have no social life. I hate the way this poster just has a blanket injunction of "don't walk home alone" - yes, I totally agree with posters like Icanteven pointing out that being drunk impairs your ability to read your surroundings - but that's not what the poster says. It simply lumps an everyday action - walking alone - in with criminal acts like getting into fights, with no further qualification whatsoever. That's what makes it victim-blaming.

JAPAB · 15/12/2016 11:48

With most crimes and harms they use a two-pronged approach to attempt to reduce them.
On one hand punishment and social censuring of the perpetrators.
On the other safety advice against and/or censuring of behaviours that increase a potential victim's chances of falling victim.

The poster in the OP seems to be standard fare, in other words. It is predominantly "safety advice" but if they intended a light amount of "censuring", well, I don't see this as automatically wrong. IF that is what they intended.

NinjaLeprechaun · 15/12/2016 11:50

"And as fir getting drunk, well that may not be the intention but friends buy you doubles etc when you didn't ask fir them and you are drunken than you thought again not a choice someone made."
Unless somebody else is literally pouring the alcohol down your throat, or you're being lied to about what you're drinking, then of course it's a choice.
It's possible to misjudge how drunk you are, of course, but if you choose to drink then you choose to take that risk.

MarjorieSimpson · 15/12/2016 11:50

The answer for the Police makes me think they have actually received quite a few comments along these lines and this is something that has been highlighted to them before.

I don't like the fact this is the first thing they mention. If it had been at the end, after the consent stuff, then maybe yes, it will be all about your judgement being affected by alcohol. That way, it reads as 'this will be your fault if something happens to you'.

Also, the other things mentioned are about things you do (eg consent, getting in a fight) or things that might happen to others (like the friend driving high or drunk). The walking alone is the only one where something might happen that really has NOTHING to do with you/your behaviour and should never happen, regardless of whether you are drunk or not.
In that respect, yes it IS victim blaming.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/12/2016 11:50

Obviously if you would walk home alone when you're sober then the advice about walking home alone doesn't apply to you. Hmm
It's highlighting the difference in decision making caused by alcohol.

PortiaFinis · 15/12/2016 11:52

I don't read it as victim blaming. I read it as advice to be aware that alcohol impairs your judgement. It's not the only non-criminal action in there.

As others have said the risks of walking home alone is not limited to getting attacked.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/12/2016 11:56

The walking alone is the only one where something might happen that really has NOTHING to do with you/your behaviour

If you walk home alone and you're drunk then you could slip/fall over,etc. You could end up injured with no-one nearby. You could end up at risk of hypothermia. You could slip into a river. You could end up in danger without anyone else being involved

KnowOneNose · 15/12/2016 11:56

I think it's perfectly ok and I don't think it could be interpreted as victims blaming.

I would tell my DC (both boys and girls) to be careful if they were walking home drunk and alone. Is anyone on this thread really saying differently?

Good for the police for being proactive about trying to raise awareness about the issues of getting drunk and good for them for standing by what they have said.

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2016 11:56
Fintress · 15/12/2016 11:58

Totally agree with Fizzy, worra and Saltedcaramel. I don't think it would matter how it was worded, there is always someone who takes offence.

KnowOneNose · 15/12/2016 11:58

The next thing we know is they will be giving 'advice' on making sure we lock our doors and windows. The bastards. 🤔

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2016 11:59

^The walking alone is the only one where something might happen that really has NOTHING to do with you/your behaviour^

Every year several students fall into and drown in rivers and canals on their way home after a night out. People dying of hyperthermia after falling asleep in the open is also not uncommon. Alcohol is generally cited as a contributing factor.

Footinmouthasusual · 15/12/2016 11:59

I think it's ok. It's about alcohol impairing you and your decisions so walking home alone sober isn't included or being discussed although I rarely walk alone at night and definatly don't like my dds or my dss doing so to be honest.

Walking alone drunk is a pretty stupid thing to go really isn't it?

I think it's fine.

badtime · 15/12/2016 11:59

It's not victim blaming because it isn't about being a victim, it is about awareness that your decision-making might be impaired by alcohol, which is a fact. I would walk home alone sober, but I know some people wouldn't; they might if they were drunk.

Also, I once walked home alone when drunk and got lost. It was probably a bad decision and it was really distressing, but there was no victim. I remember a couple of years ago a guy walked home alone and drunk near me and fell in a canal and drowned. A bad thing, but not (strictly speaking) a victim. There are plenty of bad things that can happen which result from walking home alone which wouldn't include the idea of a 'victim' (as this also requires a 'perpetrator').