My mother announced today, that I will be looking for a job once my youngest starts school

[LardLizard]

Well that's news to me

I've never even said one word to them about what my future plans are
Not one word

that's mums for you hun. Always assuming they know best :-)

My cousin said recently at a christening party "oh I couldn't do that (be a SAHM) I'd get so bored each day" (her daughter wasn't walking at that point). The real reason was that she earns double what her husband earns and they'd be in poverty if she didn't go back. Loved her attempt at reasoning though.

I'm at the idea of working when the kids are in school to alleviate boredom. Where are all these awesome, fascinating part time jobs - I'll have one of them. Around here it's carer or supermarket, and although the kids have already been in kindergarten for over a year I'm still not bored enough to think of beeping groceries as entertainment.

You would be lucky these days to get a supermarket job that is just school hours.

I could definitely use the money but have no idea how I'd cope with sick days, strike days, inset days, school holidays, wrap around childcare, appointments for my dc with sn...I have no family support. It would be a nightmare.

I'm perfectly happy at home. I enjoy cooking and looking after the house. I have taught myself to decorate. I enjoy exercising. I'm never bored. I've never been particularly ambitious or bothered about a career, despite having been to University. When I was a child and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I used to say a 'housewife'!

Mums say a lot of things. Mine told me my breast milk was not good enough for my 5 month old and I should "give him some juice to make up for it". I didn't even dignify that nonsense with a response.

Just ignore.

A few years back I had to give up work due to child care issues. I had worked at the same place for 12 years. I kept getting asked if I had found a job yet

OP, you are getting a lot of stick on here about peripheral issues.
I think the main point of your post is your DM is behaving in subtle controlling ways which rile you understandably. I suggest you seek support on the on the stately homes thread where you are likely to find a sympathetic response from people who understand the dynamics in a dysfunctional family are not the same as in 'normal' families.
Helpful books might be Toxic Parents and Will I Ever Be Good Enough and try the Out of the Fog website.

I don't blame you for being pissed off, OP. My mother can be incredibly overbearing (though I've made her ease off over the years) and it can be immensely aggravating to argue with "you will be having another child" "you will look after the pets while we're on holiday" etc etc. If I told her I couldn't do X because I had to work she would try to tell me she would ring my damn boss and sort it out for me!

yes don't mistake the issue this isn't about one thing being better than the other because I'm certain if I took on a ft joh I would be getting told how out of order I am and that you ll be going to go part time as soon as possible won't you

I Honestly think she would enjoy to see me suffer more somehow

Like saying being run ragged doing everything at home, then say doing a part time job in between that gives no satistpfation whatsoever
But wearing yourself out to the bone is probably what she would deem as worthy!!!

That's not really the problem

The problem is her telling me what it is I WILL be doing

I very much doubt she will be able to have the next baby for me
Either lol

I know I shouldn't let it get to me

I've got the toxic parent book
Recommended to me on here years ago
Maybe I need a re read

It's just so tricky when your dealing with someone that would act politely or normally
So if I was to say
Oh no that's not what I'm thinking of doing for the foreseeable

She wouldn't leave it at that

Or a simple no that's not on the agenda at the moment
I know she would say well why not and that it should be etc

That would full on open a can of worms

My mother in law constantly badgered me to go back to work from my baby being a few months old. Was never sure whether it was to get her hands on DD or so her precious son wasn't toiling alone!!

Either way it pissed me off!! My mum was so supportive either way. Guess what, when I did go back MiL was 'worried I would cope' and discussed with half the town. So for those types whatever you do they will judge and gossip.

BTW I had 15 years at home. 5 of those I did an OU degree. But I loved every minute. I do the juggling now and it's a lot of stress and hard work etc. Whilst DC at school the day flies and I was never ever bored.