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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mother announced today, that I will be looking for a job once my youngest starts school

136 replies

LardLizard · 14/12/2016 19:34

Well that's news to me

I've never even said one word to them about what my future plans are
Not one word

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 14/12/2016 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hercules12 · 14/12/2016 21:05

All of these house jobs- I couldn't care less if you work outside home or not if no benefits bit I work full time and always have. These jobs still get done but certainly not everyday- just when they need doing. I have pets and dc. Each to their own but housework like that everyday for a good part of the day?

NataliaOsipova · 14/12/2016 21:08

There are millions of interesting, productive and absorbing ways to fill your time; why would anyone need work to alleviate boredom???

Completely agree with this. Oh, the list of things I would read if I wasn't constantly driving small children around! I always saw it like this - if working were that scintillating, they wouldn't have to pay you to do it. (And I thought that even when I had an interesting job, by the way).

EveOnline2016 · 14/12/2016 21:08

I actually find it harder with 2 DC in school than when they wasn't.

After a day in work and juggling housework, homework and a million other things I don't sit down to 8pm.

When they was babies and toddlers then came home from work and played it by the ear.

RubbishMantra · 14/12/2016 21:10

I must have missed OP's post about shopping to alleviate boredom?

I have been written off work/my degree, through trauma, and in case you're wondering, I don't claim any benefits at all, unless you count my 25% council tax reduction as now being the single occupant of my home. Should I be vilified for that?

All my father asks me when he 'phones is to ask "Have you got a job yet?" So I can see how this would rile you LardLizard.

MontePulciana · 14/12/2016 21:11

Hell will freeze. My Mil said it too. I was on minimum wage before. Not going back. I plan to renovate/gym/yoga/look after our home. Boredom won't even come into it!

WantToRunAgain · 14/12/2016 21:15

It's possible to work, raise kids and not do housework every day! That feels like housework for housework's sake to me, but each to their own!

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2016 21:16

" I appreciate needing other things to do besides being a mum, nothing wrong with having a hobby or working a few hours a week for a 'break'."
Or what about working for pretty much the same reasons as the children's dad does? You know, providing for tbe family and making use of my education in my employment.

DixieNormas · 14/12/2016 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 21:24

formerbabe

And you call that interesting? Christ, that seems like something that would lead to me having a mental breakdown. If you find that interesting and stimulating then I take my hat off to you!

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 21:26

jellyfish2121

Hahahahahaha. I think you'll find the stigma is actually around mothers who work (through choice or necessity) as shown by posts on this very thread saying we're missing our kids growing up!

RubbishMantra

Well no, it's different in your situation, isn't it? Personally, if I had the choice between working and mopping the floors, I'd choose the former.

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 21:26

Only stupid people get bored.

God after years of juggling kids and work finally giving up work and being a sahm is the best thing ever. My youngest is 16 and I love cooking, meal planning, gardening, dog stuff and keeping the house nice also looking after my old parents and charity work. Me and dh never been happier and more relaxed.

Ignore them op.

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 21:28

Pluto30

I have four dogs, four cats and two kids. I don't think I mop more than twice a week at the most. Our house is still neat and tidy because - and this will sound revolutionary - the other three people living in my house are actual humans who are able to tidy up after themselves if somewhere is getting messy.

TheTantrumCometh · 14/12/2016 21:29

So much judging and assumptions on this thread, which is exactly what the OP was pissed about in the first place Confused

If you've never had an overbearing parent it can be very hard to see why anyone would have a problem with Op's mum said to her. It can be very draining.

Pluto30 · 14/12/2016 21:33

I have four dogs, four cats and two kids. I don't think I mop more than twice a week at the most. Our house is still neat and tidy because - and this will sound revolutionary - the other three people living in my house are actual humans who are able to tidy up after themselves if somewhere is getting messy.

Er, so are the ones living in my house?

But DH and I both work full time, so we both do the housework. Fair's fair and all.

Maybe your floors are sparkling, but mine require cleaning every day.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/12/2016 21:33

Yanbu. My mother makes similar pronouncements as if

a) there is only one right way to do things
b) it is any of her business.

Until you've lived it it is very hard to understand just how frustrating and annoying it is. There is a clear implication that you cannot make your own decisions and what you decide to do has no value.

We ignore it and laugh when she says silly things in company as if she's made a hilarious joke but it's taken a long time to get to that point.

Not sure why posters are having a go at you for having mum issues when you have an issue with your mum trampling over boundaries and infantilising you. I think that a bloody good reason to take issue Hmm

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 21:40

Pluto30

I work full time too as does DP (and actually, I'd wager he works more than you're suggesting, seeing as he's away 6 months of the year).

If your floors need mopping every day then either you have OCD or you live in a hotel and thousands of people are walking through every day.

Pluto30 · 14/12/2016 21:42

What's your bloody point, Matt?

What's your problem with me mopping my floors every day?

I work as a cop. My DH owns a retirement village. Both of us work hard. Get off your pedestal. I made no comments about how much you and your DP work.

We have white marbled tiles in our kitchen. They show every bit of dirt. There's my justification for doing something that impacts you none, and takes me roughly 10 minutes to do.

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 21:45

My point is that you were suggesting mopping your floors every day is something you should be doing regardless of working or not.

Like I said - you either have OCD or live in a hotel. But as you've said you have white marble tiles (on a kitchen floor!) I'm going to go with "no foresight" instead.

Ours are grey. Much easier to keep clean.

mummydawn07 · 14/12/2016 21:48

youarenotkiddingme, i totally agree with you since when did it become someone else's place to assume what you will be doing with your life even if it is your own mum, i had the same thing when my youngest started school people saying oh when will you be going back to work then etc what they failed to understand is that getting into a full or even part time job isn't easy as don't have any family or friends that can assist with childcare and when you've got more than one child breakfast clubs and after school clubs and holiday clubs can get very expensive along with trying to get time off for school events or days when they get sick or even the times when you might need to pick them up from school early because of sickness or an accident, so sometimes i would turn around and say rather bluntly none of you fucking business!! anyway i did eventually get a job which suits me just perfectly.. ( sorry had a little rant of my own there ). good luck with all of your plans LardLizard

Pluto30 · 14/12/2016 21:49

Except I wasn't.

I was implying that it doesn't count as a "busy day" to mop and vacuum.

Didn't put the tiles in myself, obv. You sound like a right misery. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

RJnomore1 · 14/12/2016 21:50

Oh crikey I cannot wait to give up work to do all that...erm...housework....

Bloody hell! There's a million things I could do if I gave up work - the PhD for a start, more time for my sports training, and lots of voluntary work - but mopping sure as hell would not be on that list 😂

FrostyLeaves · 14/12/2016 21:50

Op I had an unhappy relationship with my mum. But it did change as I changed my behaviour: I told the truth and stopped being "cagey" however I also shifted the focus to talking about her.

IAmAPaleontologist · 14/12/2016 21:51

Why on earth are we arguing about this? I'm not sure of the necessity of floor mopping top trumps. Work. Don't work. Who cares? Just be thankful to have a choice and do what makes you and your family happy.

WyfOfBathe · 14/12/2016 21:52

I appreciate needing other things to do besides being a mum, nothing wrong with having a hobby or working a few hours a week for a 'break'.
There's nothing wrong with working full time either.

OP, I understand why you're annoyed with your mum. My baby's not even here yet (due yesterday Envy) and my parents & ILs have been asking me for months what my plans for working/not working after mat leave are. But I don't see why you're that annoyed, could you not just have laughed or said "not yet, actually"?