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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mother announced today, that I will be looking for a job once my youngest starts school

136 replies

LardLizard · 14/12/2016 19:34

Well that's news to me

I've never even said one word to them about what my future plans are
Not one word

OP posts:
StillRabbit · 14/12/2016 20:10

Plenty of people assumed I'd go back to work.. I was even told by a neighbour that her taxes were supporting me! DH worked (works) hard and earned (earns) a very good wage so no benefits (not even child benefit under current rules) and with no family around it made sense for me to SAH. I finally went back to term time only work when my eldest was 15.

I was never bored in those fifteen years. I helped run a toddler group, I helped a friend with her charity, I volunteered at the primary school and my church...... no time to be bored.

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 20:12

CaptainBrickbeard

Well so was I, but after 2ish years of being at home and looking after kids, I needed to go and feel useful again. I'd give up work tomorrow too but not if it meant staying in the house - if I actually had money to do things then fine. Anyway I like working and can think of nothing worse than sitting at home all day, but different strokes for different folks!

TheGruffaloMother · 14/12/2016 20:15

OP, might she be trying to gain a bit of a deeper relationship with you by trying to make it less superficial? Asking you about life plans, etc? Especially as you've said your friends already know all this.

Original poster
LardLizard · 14/12/2016 20:17

We also have no family nearby all half an hour away and none of them would actually want to help in any way anyway
For my mum to do day a school pick up it's an hour round trip
So bit too far really to be any kind of practical help really

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 14/12/2016 20:18

Gruffalo
I do think she may well have been throwing it out there as such to see how I react

OP posts:
Strummerville · 14/12/2016 20:20

YANBU. I don't identify at all with the Puritan work ethic that is so much in evidence these days. My youngest is 8 and I've just got a job, solely because our circs have changed and we need the money. If we were wealthy I certainly would not!

OopsDearyMe · 14/12/2016 20:20

Hahahaha I love that so e people really still think that when you have kids at school. You get time to sit and be bored lol.

PhilODox · 14/12/2016 20:21

Maybe she's worried about your intellect atrophying if you think shopping is a hobby?
If you were in a stimulating role, with meaningful adult conversation on a regular basis it won't?
Are you very isolated where you live? Perhaps she's worried about you?

Or perhaps she's having a pop at you? I don't know your situation or relationship with her.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2016 20:22

It can work the other way round too. Somebody I knew was part-time while she had two under fives. She said when the youngest started school she'd be going full-time otherwise what on earth would she do all day.

BillSykesDog · 14/12/2016 20:26

All you say is 'No I'm not planning on going back to work at the moment' then change the subject.

jellyfish2121 · 14/12/2016 20:27

I applaud you for not doing what western society pressures us women into doing as early as is possible, going back to work and having others, often strangers, raise our children.

There is more to life than 'going to work'.

Your husband works and enjoys his job, why shouldn't you be able to stay being a full time mother if you enjoy that? I hate this stigma around none working mothers! Mothering is the best job in the world, certainly the most rewarding and before you know it the children will be grown out of home anyway, so make the most of them being under 16 by being home with/for them.

I appreciate needing other things to do besides being a mum, nothing wrong with having a hobby or working a few hours a week for a 'break'.

Good for you, for not missing out on your children growing up and actually being with them when they need and want you. Otherwise why have a child in the first place?

Original poster
LardLizard · 14/12/2016 20:29

No I'm not isolated at all I have a very full and active and happy life

I don't think she would want me to have some sort of power job the sort of job that a lot of peole would find enjoyable
I think she's would rather I did something non enjoyable as it would be in her eyes somehow worthier

Id say it was either a pop

Or her thinking she still tells me what I should do think and say.....

Or she was throwing it out there for a reaction

Could be a mix of all three

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 14/12/2016 20:30

Bill trust me, if i said that she would reply, well you might not be now, but you WILL be in x

OP posts:
GoofyTheHero · 14/12/2016 20:32

I'd have been bored out of my skull for 6 hours a day, so it does sound a bit weird to me that you're suggesting you might not go back to work.

I find it really bizarre that people can't find anything to occupy them other than work. Don't you have hobbies? Interests?
Who said anything about sitting at home all day? I can think of so many fun, interesting, educational things I could do with my day.

sandragreen · 14/12/2016 20:33

I loved every bloody second of being a SAHM. Agree with goofy I found plenty of things to interest/educate/entertain me that didn't revolve around the tv or housework.

Excited101 · 14/12/2016 20:38

I would totally not be going back to work in your shoes op. What your hobbies are is irrelevant as long as the household can accommodate it/them and all family members are happy with the set up. I'd love to be a housewife with children of my own, I'd certainly never get bored. Some people are happy with that and some aren't, we're just all different! There's certainly no need for all the sneering on here.

WantToRunAgain · 14/12/2016 20:43

"Good for you, for not missing out on your children growing up and actually being with them when they need and want you. Otherwise why have a child in the first place?"

Seriously??? We're still trotting out this tired old cliche.

I work p/t and have two school aged children. I work for a lot of reasons, not least because I fail to understand why my dh should be the sole breadwinner for us, it's an enormous pressure and stress for him and I'm sure he'd like to go to the gym/do some charity work/help out at school but he can't cos he's keeping a roof over our heads.

Pluto30 · 14/12/2016 20:49

Good for you, for not missing out on your children growing up and actually being with them when they need and want you. Otherwise why have a child in the first place?

Uh... Because it's biological instinct, instilled into us through millions (and billions) of years of evolution? What a daft bloody comment.

You don't have to live in your child's pocket in order to be a good parent.

Funnily enough, a lot of people are capable of doing multiple things. Having a job and being a mother? Who would've thought it possible!

formerbabe · 14/12/2016 20:55

Would you not be bored out of your skull for 6 hours a day? What would you do?

I'm a sahm of school age children. I never stop! 6 hours flies by.

8.45 get back from school run. Tidy up breakfast things...put on a wash.

9.30-10.30 gym

11am home again. Hang washing up to dry. Clean bathrooms. Hoover. Mop kitchen floor.

  1. Ironing.

12.30-1.30 Pop to supermarket.

2.00. make and eat lunch. Prep some dinner for kids.

3.00. school run.

OK...each day may have slightly different variants but I absolutely do not get bored!

WantToRunAgain · 14/12/2016 20:58

Do you clean the bathrooms, Hoover and mop the kitchen floor every day???? Shock

yoyo1234 · 14/12/2016 20:58

You hoover, mop and shop everyday...................

yoyo1234 · 14/12/2016 20:59

Similar minds wanttorunagain...

yoyo1234 · 14/12/2016 21:00

Are they not fortnightly jobs

formerbabe · 14/12/2016 21:02

Do you clean the bathrooms, Hoover and mop the kitchen floor every day??

No! I'm just giving an example. Other days, I might have to clean the fridge, change the bedsheets, dust etc. There's always something to do is more my point!

Pluto30 · 14/12/2016 21:02

I vacuum and mop everyday... Confused

Necessary when you have three kids and two dogs.

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