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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:
Oriunda · 15/12/2016 12:51

Oh, and we don't nominate ourselves, the school PTA asks each class to find at least 2 reps per class.

dontpokethebear · 15/12/2016 13:27

Some parents have said they never bother to check Facebook, some parents don't use Facebook full stop, the school doesn't have a twitter account.
Just because your class/school don't have them, don't begrudge other people.

NellysKnickers · 15/12/2016 14:21

Teacher friends and family have confirmed to me that the best gifits are homemade cards or pictures drawn by the children. Or wine. Most are embarrassed by over the top gifts. Just write your own card and ignore the hysteria.

ShelaghTurner · 15/12/2016 16:28

While I'm sure that's true of some, I wonder how many teachers, when asked would honestly say that they preferred mugs and cards to a JL voucher?

Nevertheless, different schools do things different ways. Such is life. But I really bloody resent the implication that being a class rep feeds some supposed ego of mine. All it gives you is a load of work and hassle. But in our school the set up is that someone has to do it. So there it is.

CockacidalManiac · 15/12/2016 16:39

Surely if nobody wants to be class rep, it doesn't happen?

grannytomine · 15/12/2016 16:47

I think the teacher present thing has got a bit ridiculous. I wonder if the teacher really sits down and tries to decipher each signature and work out who didn't sign, can any teachers let us know if I come into your class in January you could tell me who signed the card and who didn't? Do dads sign as well or just mums, how about kids in care is it the social worker or the foster mother, my DIL works I am the one at the gate every day, I'm the one who helps out in school so can I sign?

Get over yourselves, let the kids make a card, send some chocolates or smellies if you have a particularly wonderful teacher and worry about some real problems.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 16:48

No one can force anyone to volunteer. What is the worst thing that could happen if no one volunteered? I feel sure the school and the class could manage.

CaraAspen · 15/12/2016 16:49

"grannytomine

I think the teacher present thing has got a bit ridiculous. I wonder if the teacher really sits down and tries to decipher each signature and work out who didn't sign, can any teachers let us know if I come into your class in January you could tell me who signed the card and who didn't? Do dads sign as well or just mums, how about kids in care is it the social worker or the foster mother, my DIL works I am the one at the gate every day, I'm the one who helps out in school so can I sign?

Get over yourselves, let the kids make a card, send some chocolates or smellies if you have a particularly wonderful teacher and worry about some real problems."

Hear hear.

CockacidalManiac · 15/12/2016 16:50

What is the purpose of adults being class reps? Honestly? Is it a new thing? It didn't exist at either of my childrens' schools.

KERALA1 · 15/12/2016 16:59

Class rep is a thankless task nobody wants. The words "lording it" and "jumped up" are extremely unfair. In our class nobody volunteers until eventually some kind soul steps up. It's a big school and class reps are used to disseminate info to parents from PTA and if they can be arsed organise collections. Never any pressure to contribute or amounts set. For every outraged of tunbridge wells shocked at the very idea of a collection there are several time poor working parents very grateful someone is doing it.

grannytomine · 15/12/2016 17:10

Kerala1, if people just sent a card would that really be such a big effort? Buy a sheet of card from the local stationers, give the child some coloured pencils and let them draw a picture and write their name. It doesn't need to be some big deal but if you do a class card surely it would be more appropriate for the children to sign it and all the children not the ones who have parents who can afford £25 which is an awful lot for many families.

Two of my kids are teachers, both at senior schools where less of this goes on. I am often shown cards or notes from children thanking them and they really appreciate them. The gifts aren't nearly as precious and they definitely don't keep them for years like the cards and letters.

user1475439961 · 15/12/2016 17:42

Believe me, the teachers I work with note who hasn't signed the card & will know that you haven't contributed. If you can't afford to put money in then don't but you can't expect to be able to write your name in their card! I'm surprised you couldn't donate a small amount - what a silly rule that is. I only had £5 to donate whilst others were putting in £20.

Fiddlesticks8 · 15/12/2016 17:49

Teachers also pay tax - surely you realise this - as do all public sector workers: NHS, Council Employees etc. Would you make that comment to a doctor treating your child?

DaniRodwell · 15/12/2016 17:51

Do your own card, it's what we've always done. My DD had an amazing teacher who really was worth buying gifts for so every Christmas the year teachers and office staff got 3 boxes of chocolate to share and a card each and that teacher would get a little gift, like an ornament or potted plant. My DD moved schools a few months after she had her little girl so my daughter begged to use her spending money on a gift for her and her DD but because of how wonderful she was I made her keep her money and bought the teacher chocs and a bunch of flowers and DD chose an outfit and little soft toy for her baby. She never even expected a Christmas card let alone money and was always grateful and gobsmacked that we got her stuff like that, but she was one of a kind. My daughter was very anxious around people and no matter how hard we tried she had no faith in herself academically, this teacher reached her in a way that no one else was able to. Those are the teachers you at least attempt to buy a gift for.

ilovechocolate07 · 15/12/2016 17:55

Send your own card. I didn't put into the collection before school hols as we were newish and I didn't know anyone. Wouldn't have wanted to sign the card of I hadn't contributed anything.

Doowappydoo · 15/12/2016 18:02

Hmm aren't we talking about a card that goes with a collection not a class card? I think there's a hell of a lot of hyperbole on this thread. The OP wanted to sign a card that included vouchers she (completely understandably) did not want to contribute to. The sensible advice from most people was "no you can't expect to sign that card, do your own"

Of course a card with heartfelt message from child is a lovely thing although chances of mine producing anything I could send in at this point are minimal but if you want to get a pressie and would prefer to contribute to a voucher rather than buying chocs/flowers then I am failing to see an issue.

My mum is a teacher - she likes JL vouchers and heartfelt messages

and thanks to all the class reps - ours is lovely and as working mum I appreciate the odd email reminder about stuff I would have forgotten

Nicknameofawesome · 15/12/2016 18:05

I don't put into collections I wouldn't dream of asking to sign the card. The card surely is from the people who put in for the present? I just do my own things.

KERALA1 · 15/12/2016 18:05

There is no set amount at our school. Do your own card if you find that easier. All I know is I was asked by lots of parents to organise a collection when I was guilted into being class rep. Frankly could have done without it but seemed to be a demand for it. Couldn't care less who contributed or not.

CountUpTo3 · 15/12/2016 18:06

Jeez - I know I've been out of the country for a while, but £150 for a Christmas gift?! Is it a bribe, or is the implication that the teacher is hard up and needs the money? I think it's horrid, makes me think of the vile tipping culture in the US. Surely a teacher is a professional who ought to be paid properly and do their job with care and attention regardless. You wouldn't tip your lawyer or a policeman. Why a teacher??

Cubtrouble · 15/12/2016 18:13

I can't believe op would expect to sign a card for a collection I didn't contribute too?!
Seriously entited.

I expect your the type who doesn't tip the binmen a tenner at Christmas as well aren't you. Despite a massive heavy bin full of stinking nappies for years. Because your taxes pay for that.

You CHOOSE to have kids. Not contributing such a small amount is mean spirited. And a box of matchmakers is like a pound.

TheZeppo · 15/12/2016 18:15

I'm a secondary teacher,so bit different, but I LOVE scrappy cards that kids make (normally in someone else's lesson 😳)

My favourite ever present was a tiny little statue (think cracker toy tat). I'd had a bad day and a kid gave it to me the next day, wrapped in toilet roll, without saying a word, just a shy smile. I loved that kid. What I'm getting at is (with all cards/presents) it's the thought that counts!

shallichangemyname · 15/12/2016 18:21

This all sounds horribly familiar. My DSis was a class rep and did just this. Although it was end of year not Xmas. The contribution was £30 which was totally OTT (my sis wasn't happy but the amount was "set" by the other class Rep).
when it came to one parent not paying she wouldn't let the poor child sign the card or put a page in the end of year book.
I told her she was being petty and mean.

liletsthepink · 15/12/2016 18:27

Are any of these private schools or just schools in naice areas?

There were schools that I worked in where I was just grateful that my car wheels weren't nicked let alone receiving £150 gifts!

38cody · 15/12/2016 18:29

YABU. Why should you sign a card which indicates who contributed to the gift when you didn't contribute? Next time DC go to a party - don't buy a gift, just pop your name on the tag of one that another parent has forked out for!
I think you have a cheek expecting to sign!

Lugeeta · 15/12/2016 18:33

We have class reps at our school and I'm glad we do-they organise parents nights out and send emails to remind you of mufti days etc!

We also do a class collection-most people put in a tenner but there is no set amount and the card goes from "all of class X". The teacher loves the gift but it seems mean to single out children who's parents didn't contribute to me. It's not the children's fault and the teacher won't care who gave/didn't.

How do you even collect parent/child signatures?! A lot of mums work at our school so I can't see how the poor class rep would be able to get everyone to sign individually on a card!

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