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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:
Original poster
BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 16:10

Oh sorry all. I take back the taxes comment. I don't actually earn enough to pay tax right now. It's my DH's favourite response so tbh I don't know why I wrote that.
I guess what is really my AIBU is, I would happily donate what I choose to and can afford, but am dictated to by the reps who say it's £5 per teacher and then you can sign the card!
They split the donations and buy the teachers a gift card each.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 14/12/2016 16:11

If the card is to go with the present to show who has contributed to the present then it's fair enough although my kids never had this stuff and i tended not to do presents for teachers due to teacher relatives who felt a bit overloaded with stuff. An individual card with a personal message with what in particular she has done for your child sounds fine.

Neefs · 14/12/2016 16:12

We pay £10 per class, split between teacher and TA. Money always goes on John Lewis vouchers or similar. Class collections are so much easier for parents, IMO. One less present to buy etc.....

Some parents prefer to do their own card and present, which is absolutely fine.

We also have a 'rule' that only those who contributed can sign. Yes in the big scheme of things all of this sounds petty. But I agree if you don't put in to the group present, why would you sign the group card?

Get your own card, although it's a small thing YABU.

melj1213 · 14/12/2016 16:13

The card is to show who has contributed to the group present, if you haven't contributed then you don't get to sign the card.

Just send your own an be done with it.

PeteSwotatoes · 14/12/2016 16:13

Your DH is a knob for actually saying that out loud. And you don't even pay taxes Hmm

SheldonCRules · 14/12/2016 16:13

Your taxes don't pay her wages! You'd have the be a huge contributor to be paying a teachers salary after paying for your own education, health care costs etc.

Of course you don't get to sign the card, you didn't put towards the gift. If you wanted to sign the group card you give to the collection it's very simple.

Neefs · 14/12/2016 16:14

I'm really grateful to the class reps for going to the trouble to organise, collect the cash, actually buy the voucher/present and then take it into school.

For that, I'm happy to go along with their rules.

ssd · 14/12/2016 16:14

I knew you prob didnt pay tax op but your comment made me laugh

CockacidalManiac · 14/12/2016 16:15

FFS, stop the pile on. OP has apologised for the words she used.

tissuesosoft · 14/12/2016 16:15

People who work in schools pay taxes, ask your husband if they pay their own wages too? Hmm Easier to get your own card for the teachers!

Glastonbury · 14/12/2016 16:16

We have never had class collections we always send individual gifts ourselves. If you don’t contribute you can't expect to sign the card.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/12/2016 16:17

£5 per teacher? No YNBU. I'd get my own card be silently pissed too but wouldn't sign it either.

mouldycheesefan · 14/12/2016 16:19

Just do your own card and present surely? I wouldn't expect to not contribute to something but sign to say I did!

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 14/12/2016 16:19

Sorry you feel excluded, and that money is tight, but I don't think you can sign the joint card unless you have contributed. It does sound a fairly cumbersome scheme though.
Get your kids to make some cards with too much glitter instead - that will make the teachers smile.

playmobilpeacock · 14/12/2016 16:20

I think YANBU

At our school they're will be parents who just cannot afford to contribute to the class collection even if they wanted to.

The present is given from all the children and parents.

Everyone knows it's the same parents that donate their time and money but it's Christmas so let's spread a little goodwill.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 14/12/2016 16:20

I don't think you should be allowed to sign the card id you haven't put into the collection. Traditionally the card says who the gift is from, if you haven't paid for the gift, then by signing the card you are pretending you have which is not fair to all those who have paid in. Just get your own.

MargaretCavendish · 14/12/2016 16:20

Oh sorry all. I take back the taxes comment. I don't actually earn enough to pay tax right now. It's my DH's favourite response so tbh I don't know why I wrote that.

This is one of my favourite defences I've ever seen on mumsnet: 'Sorry I wrote a dickish thing. It is actually factually inaccurate. PS. My husband is a dick.'

Refluxsux · 14/12/2016 16:23

It's a group present and those that paid for it are signing the card. If you aren't happy with the way they organized it perhaps volunteer to organise next years?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2016 16:24

You're either involved or not. Fine to not contribute, fine to contribute, fine to do your own thing. Someone bought the card...

But I think people should put in what they want to. Not a 'suggested donation'.

I was one of the very few who didn't contribute last year because DD's teacher was a hound from hell and didn't stay for the handover and didn't sign the card.

RhodaBorrocks · 14/12/2016 16:25

How many kids in the class? 30 x 5 = £150 for each teacher! I could only dream of getting a gift like that at work. In fact, I'm grateful for the box of chocs and card my boss gets me each year, even though I can't eat them because of food allergies.

Last year I was offered the card to sign but said we were making gifts and writing our own cards and got praised for 'not being lazy'. It actually worked out as cheaper and DS likes cooking, so we make a treat for all his teachers, support staff, head (who was genuinely touched as he said he's always forgotten about) etc. If I gave £5 for every teacher and support staff that helped DS it'd cost me around £60 and I only have 1 DC!!!

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2016 16:25

I'd tend to agree, sorry, the card and the gift and usually linked and the card indicates who the gift is from in these scenarios. Just make your own card or do nothing as you do a lot throughout the year it seems. Including baking them cakes which is quite unusual I think.

HaveNoSocks · 14/12/2016 16:29

YANBU to not contribute I think most teachers gratefully receive presents but don't expect any especially if you can't afford it but YABU to want to sign the card associated with the collection, why would you expect to sign it - why not just send your own one?

My DS's class did a collection, they used it to give vouchers so safe bet, they did a suggested amount but whatever you want contribution so some did more some did less.

Greenifer · 14/12/2016 16:32

I think that's really mean. YANBU. I have done the class collection five years out of the previous six and

a) I have always said, please only give what you can afford - and frankly from some people a quid is perfectly OK as they must have a lot more to worry about than a bloody class gift,

and

b) I've always said please sign the card to say thanks if you want to regardless of whether or not you can afford to give anything towards the present.

I also try to get the children to sign the card rather than parents if I can manage it as I imagine the teacher would prefer cute messages from children rather than dull Happy Xmas from parents in general.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2016 16:32

I CBA with the whole "if you don't contribute then you don't get to sign the card"

The point of a present for the teachers is to say thank you and show that they are appreciated. If the class reps are really doing this in the proper spirit, they would want as many signatures on the card as possible regardless of who has chipped in what

Original poster
BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 16:36

YES OlennasWimple you've summed it up. I'm not very good at saying what I mean as clearly demonstrated in this thread. Blush If the point of it is to thank the teachers, and say happy Christmas, which to me IS THE WHOLE POINT, that is why I want to sign the card.

OP posts:
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