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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 16/12/2016 08:44

If the point of it is to thank the teachers, and say happy Christmas, which to me IS THE WHOLE POINT, that is why I want to sign the card.

YABU. If this is the case, buy your own card....they're not that expensive! You didn't contribute to the purchase of the gift and card so your name shouldn't be on it.

I chose not to contribute to collections in the past purely because I wanted to get my own gift and card. I would definitely not expect to sign the other card as well!

mammamic · 16/12/2016 09:26

It seems like for many ppl, the gift is more a way to show who contributes than thanking the teacher. In DD's primary school, we collected. Suggested was £5 per child to cover all gifts. Contribution could be whatever people wanted. The card was signed by everyone, regardless of who contributed.

I've read the thread and saw apologies but still want to add - the taxes comment changes everything. If that attitude is conveyed, It's maybe not so surprising that ppl don't get to sign the card.

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 16/12/2016 09:33

No, 38cody, you are making a lot of ignorant assumptions there. Ime there are parents who don't eat in order to pay school fees.

Maybe they started the kids off in the school when they were doing well, and with changes they don't pull the kids out of the school, but rather cut corners at home. Maybe they started off in the school when they were married and now are going through a divorce and leave the kids in the school to provide some continuity for their kids.

I'm not getting drawn into petty arguments about private schools vs state or faith schools. We all have a choice, ime every choice comes with sacrifice.

As class rep you do hear about a lot more about family circumstances than you do at a cursory meeting at the gates, and I do know that some parents were really struggling due to down turns/ divorces etc.

So I signed the card on behalf of every child in the class, even if the parents didn't contribute. There are more important things than money involved after all.

Only1scoop · 16/12/2016 09:37

Just buy your own card, don't know what the fuss is about.
Class collections are cringe anyhow.

Cagliostro · 16/12/2016 09:45

Get your DCs to make the teachers a card with a nice personal message inside. That will shit all over the class rep's one.

That's what we always did. Was particularly glad when the reps spent all the class money on a crystal butterfly for the teacher going on maternity leave. DD chose a little set of board books instead. Still got the lovely thank you note somewhere. :)

Oriunda · 16/12/2016 10:16

It's not the class rep's present' to 'shit over'. Would some of you really be that petty to compare gifts in that way? In many cases including ours, the class rep is asked to collect the cash by other time-poor parents - we're doing them a favour. I collected cash, bought gift, handed over, job done. If another parent brings in a gift which is nicer or appreciated more, I don't honestly care. I was asked to do it, I've done it.

Bettyspants · 16/12/2016 10:30

Letting the tax comment slide 😬 Yanbu. Those kind of cards single out parents that haven't contributed. £5 is a lot of money particularly as you're clearly paying for TAs as well. Get children to make a awesome homemade personal card

waterrat · 16/12/2016 10:33

grrr this makes me so angry. Do you think teachers care / want a child or two to be left off from their card ? Do you think a teacher wants to / cares which childrens families gave for the card?

So spiteful and mean - just get a collection if you must, get a gift and card and then let every child/ family sign. Imagine being a kid left out because your parent didn't / couldn't contribute - what a fucking unkind and horrible way to behave.

grannytomine · 16/12/2016 11:22

Sparklyglitter, yes leaving hardup families and kids out makes you such an amazing person. I am sure the poor saps who do a collection and let all the kids sign are so in awe of you.

Just to let you know I asked my DD about this, she is a teacher, she said if she found out parents had done this she would hand the present back. She hates kids being excluded and made to feel bad about things they can't help. If all teachers did this then all this nonsense would stop.

grannytomine · 16/12/2016 11:23

waterrat, couldn't agree more, it is spiteful and nasty.

Cagliostro · 16/12/2016 11:38

I thought the 'shit all over' bit was meant in jest TBH (I may have misjudged that, I have ASD) I don't think people would really be that petty (hope not anyway).

I just wanted to get something small from DD that she could be involved in, rather than give more money than I could afford to a collection - it would've been a tenner or more in order to meet their expectations (we were 'the poor family' in a relatively wealthy area) and I just couldn't. I got hugged by DD's key worker at nursery once when I gave them a set of puppets I'd got in a charity shop for a couple of quid. It was all we could afford that year, but the staff were really happy.

FergoMcFergFace · 16/12/2016 12:01

Totally agree with Waterat. I can't imagine any decent teacher poring over a card to determine who did or didn't contribute.

I've received collective gifts at work and I'm under no illusion that everyone contributed to the collection. But I'd never dream of wanting to know EXACTLY who'd paid in.

Teacher gifts are all about the kids.

SoupDragon · 16/12/2016 17:08

Imagine being a kid left out

Well, you'd have to imagine it because this is about the OP, an adult, not signing the joint card. There was no child.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 16/12/2016 20:49

To be fair, it's still pretty shit on the parent.

elodie2000 · 16/12/2016 21:48

Secondary teachers don't usually get gifts. If a kid says, "Thanks, Miss." or words to that effect, that means much more as does a card with a thank you written within.
I agree! Parents buying cards/ presents on behalf of their DC or throwing money at a collection is a bit pointless...
Today (secondary) I 'taught' (sort of) 5 lessons. I had 'thanks Miss' 'have a great Christmas Miss' 'See you soon Miss' and just lots of 'byes' as they went out... We've not broken up yet but I won't see most of them again this term. They are all pretty pissed off with being at school now and a bit hyper at the moment.
The little so and sos made my day! We never get presents - infact, quite the opposite! WE buy them chocolate & treats!

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