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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:
dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 21:47

As I said, there is an option to opt out.
Several people have said they don't want to contribute, which is fine.

Mumzypopz · 14/12/2016 21:47

Elidie2000

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, yay, yay, yay... see don't poke the bear...I'm not mad!!!

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 21:49

As far as I know, no one has ever said a set amount?
Some people gave £2 some people £5.

elodie2000 · 14/12/2016 21:52

mumzy Our school poilcy for receiving gifts excludes only those which could be seen as 'bribes'... I would hope that accepting a £150 whip round ('gift') organised by the class rep (a parent of child in one's class?) is not good common practice...

Mumzypopz · 14/12/2016 21:52

Is there an option for parents to say they don't want to be represented by another parent? Again, think class PTA rep is a better title, I'd be a bit irritated if one parent was lording it over other parents calling themselves a class rep....

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 21:53

I'm not saying you're mad, I just think you're being a bit nasty about it.
I think people can make their own minds up whether they want to contribute or not. I'm not pushy, I send an initial email, then ask around the playground once.
And I am not standing in the playground on my soap box shouting 'I represent the parents of the Nursery class 2016 and we want blah blah blah'. I merely act as a point of contact.

Monkeyface26 · 14/12/2016 21:54

People contribute what they want, if they want. They don't know how much other people have given and the teacher doesn't know who has given what. It is organised in the most low maintenance way possible. There is zero pressure. It's an affluent area, people are pushed for time rather than money. It does not cause problems.

elodie2000 · 14/12/2016 21:55

mumzy No, you are not alone! Grin

Mumzypopz · 14/12/2016 21:55

Elodie2000
I thought so....think these sort of whip rounds are becoming more and more common, but totally totally wrong in my opinion...no teacher should receive £150 in my opinion.

BlueFolly · 14/12/2016 21:56

Oh for gods sake - being class rep is a thankless task (as illustrated by this thread!) and I'm just always relieved that someone else is prepared to do it!

Monkeyface26 · 14/12/2016 21:59

What 'dontpokethebear' said. I do not 'lord' it over other parents. I did not choose the title 'class rep'. It's just what they are called.
In fact I don't show much initiative. I do what I'm asked to do - either by the HT or by other parents.

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 21:59

I think you have got it the wrong way round actually. I don't speak for the parents at all, more the parents come and ask me stuff about school.
I'm certainly not lording it over anyone mainly because I can't be bothered and have better things to do. Why are you being so nasty?

elodie2000 · 14/12/2016 21:59

dontpokethebear genuine question... Why do people feel the need to organise group collections at Christmas? I can understand a group gift if a person is leaving but why not let everyone do their own thing, or not. Do you not see that by sending out an e-mail people feel obliged to pay in - even if that isn't your intention?

Mumzypopz · 14/12/2016 22:00

Don't poke the bear
Just because I dont agree with the system doesn't mean I'm being nasty about it at all. It's a set up I'm not used to. How do you get parents email addresses? From the school? If so, wheres the data protection! Or do you ask politely for parents to give you their email addresses? If so, perhaps not so bad as then it seems like they are willingly agreeing to be represented perhaps?

Monkeyface26 · 14/12/2016 22:08

I sent an email to everyone in the class saying that I wanted to know whether there was any interest in a class gift. I would only have gone ahead if I had got a resounding yes.
I had 2 non-responders and all the others were very pleased.
As I have repeatedly said, there is no pressure to join in. I do a class collection to help other busy parents because they have said that they want me to.

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 22:14

I have no idea why they feel the need to do it. I was asked by the PTA.
And again, the PTA gave me the email addresses.
If people do not want to be involved then I'm sure they are capable of saying so (see pp when I said some people had declined).

I am not the founder of the class rep 'movement', I just want a low key involvement in school.

And as I keep Saying, I don't speak for the parents. I don't make any decisions about anything on behalf of anyone.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 14/12/2016 22:21

When a card goes round at work, for a leaver or a someone's significant birthday, say, donations are anonymous. Some can't/won't put much or any money into the envelope but they still sign the card. Surely a collection for a teacher is the same kind of thing?

A card is for sending best wishes, not for saying "I paid!!!!". Acting as some kind of judge over who may or may not sign a collective card is cuntish.

Notonthestairs · 14/12/2016 22:24

Some parents actually like someone else to do class collections. I am not a class rep btw just someone who is asked by atleast 20 (out of 26) parents "Was SOMEONE doing a class collection?" Many were quite narked when I said I didn't know anything about one this year (i.e. Which felt like Why wasn't I doing it again?) so for everyone of you that thinks class collections are sorted by ego maniacs there are lots sorted by hassled individuals.

Monkeyface26 · 14/12/2016 22:25

We fill in a form in which we list (or don't list) the contact information that we want including in the school directory.
There are no data protection issues.

ShelaghTurner · 14/12/2016 22:27

'Lording it'? What a load of bollocks. Being class rep is fucking hard work and relentless sometimes. Our class reps are nominated by the parents and approved by the head. Yes I am one this year. I field questions about everything, I organise everything from coffee mornings to nights out to donations for Christmas hampers, to class cards and collections and on Friday I'm working my arse off at the Christmas fair. If the class reps didn't do it then no bugger would except everyone would be complaining that they don't know when dress up day is or why don't we have coffee mornings and wouldn't a whatsapp group be fun.

And I don't care how much you donate, if at all. I'll let everyone sign the card, because it's from the kids to their teachers. And that shouldn't be something that you have to afford.

melj1213 · 14/12/2016 22:42

Why do people feel the need to organise group collections at Christmas? I can understand a group gift if a person is leaving but why not let everyone do their own thing, or not.

TBH it's probably because people realise that instead of everyone spending their £5 on half a dozen bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates/flowers, why not all club those £5 together and buy one or two, slightly more expensive, items/vouchers so that the teacher can get what they want?

My mum was a teacher for 20 years and I taught abroad for 8, and as lovely as it was to recieve presents from the children, my favourites wee the children who didn't buy anything, just drew a picture/wrote a lovely letter because it was heartfelt, and something I could put away to keep, rather than it just being "another box of chocolates"

I know this makes me sound ungrateful, and I was always very polite and thanked every child/parent who gifted to me but getting 15 boxes of chocolates and 10 bottles of wine at Christmas meant we were either eating/drinking them till Easter or regifting them to anyone we could think of, because there was nowhere to keep them all, especially with a house full of our own christmas gifts!) and it always made me feel guilty but I just couldn't eat another box!

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 22:44
dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 22:45

And melj1213 Grin

Earlgreywithmilk · 14/12/2016 22:47

Mumzypops
Thanks so much for articulating much of what I was thinking about yesterday - why exactly do we need class reps? My eldest (18)attended the same school that my youngest (5) now attends and he didn't have a class rep and we managed ok! It is deffo a new thing and it always seems to be the same kind of mum who takes on the role. The type who wants to be involved herself in everything from attending pta meetings, organising collections, end of school yearbooks, Christmas fairs, summer fairs etc etc (all of which is absolutely great if that's your bag and you enjoy it) - but they then proceed to moan like fuck about how badly put on they are and what a thankless task it is. Here's my advice - if you don't want to do it just say no.
Like I did when I was asked to be class rep by the current class rep last year (see above description of mum type).
The look on her face when I just said "no thanks"
Shock

Earlgreywithmilk · 14/12/2016 22:58

And by the way our class reps have been doing class collections for years (and b4 the days of the rep, a random parent) - it always used to be 'whatever u want to give' but this year was expressly told by one rep "about £10 cos thats £5 for teacher and £5 ta) I now have 3 kids at primary and one at high school so won't be contributing this year. Il buy them a card and buy the teachers a box of chocs each. If they don't like them tough - it's the thought that counts!
In fact, reading this thread make me feel I'm right in my annoyance at this collection situation too. Hearing how shocked a lot of parents are at the organised collections/stipulating of an amount makes me realise how ridiculous it is - I live in a very middle class area btw and think this is indicative of the type of parents around here. £150 per teacher is daft and if I were the teacher I'd be embarrassed.