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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:
Angelik · 14/12/2016 19:19

For the first time in 3 years i've just been roped into contributing a tenner. I wish i had said no. Might still change my mind. I just don't get this endless gift giving. It's time consuming and i'd rather spend that tenner on us. Even the teachers get the children gifts. Don't bother. They get enough (obvs doesn't apply to those children who wld go totally without otherwise).

echt · 14/12/2016 19:26

I think collections for teachers are just weird, and I'm a teacher.

It should be individuals who do this, and no gift is necessary. A card is more than enough.

Namechangeemergency · 14/12/2016 19:26

Someone tried this at our school a few years back.
The school has always been in an area of high deprivation but is now becoming gentrified. More people have more money

A note was put in my DC's book bag asking for a donation of £5-10.
Only the children whose parents had donated would be included in the card.

Apart from the teacher potentially getting a gift worth £300 (thus compromising them) it meant that children would be left out if their parents couldn't or wouldn't contribute.

I passed the note on to head of year and she put a stop to it.
Her decision. I let her know it was happening.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/12/2016 19:28

The nicest teachers that I've come across don't like this gift-giving, it makes them uncomfortable. They're the sort of teachers though that will hug a child and accept hugs from them gladly, make time to speak to parents if the parent needs to - and what I love most - bat away the cliquey, monopolising, riding roughshod over other parents kind of person.

We quietly (self and child) made a charity donation to teacher's charity close to their heart as they'd lost a parent. No fanfare, no card signing or involvement of anybody else.

Do what you want to do but the 'contribute or you're not signing' people just come across as wannabe-exclusive knobs. I would and could never exclude a child from signing a card and I don't think much of people who are comfortable with that.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 14/12/2016 19:28

£5 is far too much I agree they should leave it to discretion.

Having said that I rarely give anyway as I want to do our own card.

NiceFalafels · 14/12/2016 19:31

What a stupid system. Why can't you all just put in what you can afford. Or put £5 in per family.

NiceFalafels · 14/12/2016 19:33

Really you should just be able to put 50p in and sign the card if you wish. It's all so grabby and exclusive.

TataEs · 14/12/2016 19:35

i just organised our collection.
you would not be signing the card if u did not contribute.
the card denotes who contributed to the gift.
you want credit for gift u did not give? YADBU

HaveNoSocks · 14/12/2016 19:35

NiceFalafels

I agree, I think you should be able to put in a nominal amount and sign the card. Having a set amount just seems showy offy. Like they don't want their contribution to be diluted by those that can't afford or don't want to spend as much. If you want to do a show off present do it individually.

jazzmin · 14/12/2016 19:35

I have received vouchers from my class before. I write a thank you to everyone who has contributed using the names in the card, it would be a bit embarrassing to send/receive a thank you for a donation that hasn't been made. Incidentally, my top tip if you want to gift something nice yet economical is buy a gorgeous Xmas decoration in the sales and keep it for next year. I still put things on my tree remembering fondly the child who gave it to me over 15 years ago.

bluebeck · 14/12/2016 19:36

I don't know why you don't just get your own card and present of you didn't want to join in with the communal one?

MammaTJ · 14/12/2016 19:40

Get your DCs to make the teachers a card with a nice personal message inside. That will shit all over the class rep's one.

This!! With bells on!

Doowappydoo · 14/12/2016 19:51

If it's a card with a voucher in it why would you want to put your name on it if you haven't contributed? It would look like you had, I just wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Really don't get all the teacher present hate, it's not a new thing is it, we always did teacher Christmas pressies as kids? Season of goodwill and all that and teachers ime tend to go above and beyond the call of duty at this time of year (fair, plays Christmas parties)

Ultimately people should do what they want - I don't know or care whether the people who choose not to participate in collections spend a fortune buying individually chosen presents, donate to charity or do nothing but if some people want to club together to buy vouchers so what??? I do agree that the amounts the OP was asked for were too steep - I wouldn't have contributed to that but I wouldn't expect to sign the card, I'd just do my own thing.

thatdearoctopus · 14/12/2016 19:58

It's my DH's favourite response

Is he a bit of an arse? Hmm

NotOnYourWelly · 14/12/2016 19:59

Hmmm. As a single parent if three children in primary school, I will say that I've been asked for £10 for each class. That's £30 I can't afford. I had a quiet word in the class reps ear to explain that I can only afford £5. Class rep said she would discuss with the other reps. On Monday I received a text telling me that they will only take £10 each as it won't be fair on the others who have contributed £10. The text added that £10 is actually a bargain!!

I was incredibly embarrassed and upset and thought best to let HT know that this was happening and how I felt. Her reply: " It's down to the parents and not a school decision so can't get involved. And that the teachers all work very hard and look forward to a gift from the parents." But it is voluntary, so if I can't afford it, I should not worry as no teacher will hold it against me!!

I was speechless and even more pissed off !! Season of goodwill??

Sung · 14/12/2016 20:03

YABU to expect to sign the card from the people who have contributed to the collection, if you haven't contributed. Not quite sure why you would even want to?

My DC sent their primary school teachers a card at Christmas - I didn't sign that either. There was never gave a Christmas gift as I think the whole thing is ridiculous (and I am a teacher).

I did sent in a letter/card and a gift at the end of the academic year though - well, most years...

KnowOneNose · 14/12/2016 20:10

Who makes themselves 'class rep'

Every class rep I've know has always been desperately trying to quit doing it. It's a thankless task. I've never done it but I have organized class collections.

How we did class collections was to send a proposal out to all the parents in the class suggesting an amount and a gift (usually a gift cert) for them to comment on and to make any of their own suggestions (stops the moaning Wink ) and also highlighting the fact it's completely voluntary and that the kids won't know who has or hasn't contributed.

We had a set amount but it was very low as it was just to get a token gift . Think £2 or £3 pounds.
We had a card that EVERYONE could sign but in the card was another small envelope with the gift cert and the list of people who had contributed. This way all the kids and parents could sign the card but the people who contributed were still quietly acknowledged.

I liked organizing it as I liked keeping the suggested contributions low.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/12/2016 20:14

Thankfully ds's school don't do this. Probably only a quarter of the kids give the teacher a small gift, most give a card.

Relatives with dc at other schools also say presents for teachers is not common. Maybe it's just in our area it hasn't become the norm.

There is no way I'd be contributing to a large value gift card, a card or a token gift is more appropriate.

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 20:15

I'm the nursery class rep at ds2 school. It is a PITA and sorting out the Christmas presents has been a pig of a job. We did monetary donations of whatever you wanted to give. £5 was the average.

However, no one was under pressure to contribute and the card will just say 'from all of the nursery class 2016'.

I think you have to take into account that some people can't afford to, but it's not my/your job to find out whether people can afford it or not.

ilongforlustre · 14/12/2016 20:15

Doowappydoo - that is truly disgusting and I am cross on your behalf.

I work in Early Years and sometimes get gifts from parents. I am very grateful but also very uncomfortable. They really don't need to do that! All the teachers I work with or know feel the same...I have however kept every single home made, heartfelt card.

Mumzypopz · 14/12/2016 20:19

Class reps? What are these? Are they self appointed? Don't have them at our school, would ignore them if we did? And class collections? How do you get to the parents who work and don't do pick up? How do they get to sign? I'm presuming it's just a small group of jumped up parents who think they run the show and actually don't. Just do your own card.... demanding a fiver us ridiculous....what are they going to buy the teacher, a gold ring or something?

Notonthestairs · 14/12/2016 20:20

I've been asked repeatedly to sort the class collection. I've done them before and absolutely hate doing them. But most of the working parents (i am a SAHM) are very time short especially at this time so I do it to help. I always say put in whatever you think, some can lob in a tenner without much thought, lots can't. I don't advertise this but I write all the kids names in anyway (although I'd like to think most people wouldn't mind either way). But that said i do feel awkward when other classes collect huge amounts and our teacher doesn't get half as much - it's never a reflection of their efforts. I'd have let you sign the card.

Violetcharlotte · 14/12/2016 20:22

Wow when mine were at primary school (only 5 years ago) teachers xmas present was a box of chocolates/ bottle of wine/ tin of biscuits. Is this the norm now, or is this a London thing?

dontpokethebear · 14/12/2016 20:27

Ps. I had a horrible feeling that this may have been about me Confused

Hoviscats · 14/12/2016 20:27

mumzypopz I shouldn't rise to it but your comments really rile me. Class reps in our school are appointed to liaise between parents and PTA to help run events etc TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL.

Thinking they 'run the school' couldn't be further from the truth. Its called giving up time to help. FFS.

The class collection which (in our school anyway) every parent seems to support in principle but no one wants to organise is just one of those shit jobs that seems to get landed on class reps.

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