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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being allowed to sign the teacher's card?

265 replies

BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 15:41

I haven't put into my dc's class teachers' Christmas collection, for a few reasons.
Namely they ( the class reps) want £5 per teacher. That's £15 for my DS and £10 for my DD.
I also have an older child.
Christmas costs us a fortune.
The teachers are paid by my taxes.
Yes they do a brilliant job.
I bake them cakes throughout the year.
I help in class every week.
AIBU to think I should be allowed to sign the bloody card even though I haven't put into the collection???
The class rep pisses me off but that's besides the point. I think

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 14/12/2016 16:36

So if everyone gives a fiver its £150 for a teacher gift?

Floralnomad · 14/12/2016 16:38

Did you say to the rep that you couldn't afford / didn't want to pay that amount but would pay X amount or are you assuming that they would have refused that offer ? I actually think £5 per teacher / assistant is good value .

WyfOfBathe · 14/12/2016 16:40

Ahh, so your paying exactly £0 of her salary, how generous of you Hmm Even if you paid £10,000 in taxes only about 11% of that (on average) would go to education - so you would have contributed £1100 to the education budget of £84billion... a grand total of 0.00000130952% ( source for govt spending ) So no, you as an individual do not pay her salary - nor does your husband or any other one person.

YABU about the card as well. It's generally accepted that a card, when given with a gift, tells you who the gift-givers are. You don't have to donate to the group collection - or buy your own gift - but you can't claim credit for something you haven't donated to.

DixieWishbone · 14/12/2016 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherryskypie · 14/12/2016 16:47

If you want to say thank you pay for your own card!

Original poster
BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 16:48

Yes £5 per teacher, 30 kids in class
I'm too embarrassed to tell the rep I can't afford that much.
The rep never speaks to me (unless to ask for money) and is one of those cliquey mums

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/12/2016 16:50

You didn't contribute what on EARTH

Whatsername17 · 14/12/2016 16:50

I'm a teacher. I think you should just send your own card. I doubt the teacher will be bothered by whether or not you sign the 'official' card or contributed to the gift. But the appreciation of us (if we've done a good job) is priceless and always gratefully recieved. I had a card today thanking me for the work and support I'd given to a kid I teach that made me cry because it was so lovely. That's all that matters really. It's always lovely when parents and the kids want to buy a present, but, honestly; it's the cards we keep.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/12/2016 16:51

You didn't contribute...what on EARTH makes you think you should be able to sign the card?!

Whatsername17 · 14/12/2016 16:56

I should also add - a £150 gift! Eay too much imo. Not sure our policy would allow us to accept that. We have set rules on what we are allowed to accept incase it is seen as a bribe. Once I had a young girl with SEN wrap up 4p in pennies to give me and I hadn't got the heart to tell her I wasn't allowed to accept cash so I posted it back to her mum with a letter explaining. Mum was lovely, but if I'd kept it I would have been disciplined- crazy but true!

NotYoda · 14/12/2016 16:56

The class rep is being pathetic

CockacidalManiac · 14/12/2016 16:57

Ahh, so your paying exactly £0 of her salary, how generous of you hmm Even if you paid £10,000 in taxes only about 11% of that (on average) would go to education - so you would have contributed £1100 to the education budget of £84billion... a grand total of 0.00000130952% ( source for govt spending ) So no, you as an individual do not pay her salary - nor does your husband or any other one person.

READ THE FUCKING THREAD.
OP apologised ages back. Get off your self satisfied high horse.

Genevieva · 14/12/2016 16:57

If asked I always say that at Christmas I like my children to experience the joy of giving, so we will be doing our own thing.

Sometimes we buy something, sometimes we make something. I think it is important that they learn to show their appreciation. I also think their teachers deserve to be told they are appreciated because I know they put far more time and effort in than they are required to because they take pride in their work and care about the kid they teach.

You don't need to spend a particular amount to do that though. A card with a heartfelt expression of thanks is just as suitable.

Trifleorbust · 14/12/2016 16:58

You didn't buy the card. Why do you think you should sign it? Confused

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 17:01

If the point of it is to thank the teachers, and say happy Christmas, which to me IS THE WHOLE POINT, that is why I want to sign the card.

So sign your own card. I'm really not seeing the problem.

ElfingHeck · 14/12/2016 17:01

I didn't contribute to the class collections this year either. I prefer doing our own thing - I get a small packet of biscuits/chocs for each teacher, put a label on which the DC decorate, and the DC write a card to the teacher. Personally, I think this is a nicer present than the vouchers/cash that is collected. There's quite a few other people that do their own thing too.

But I wouldn't dream of trying to sign the card that accompanies the collection. I wouldn't expect any of them to tag their names on to my DC's card either. Of course you sign the card that goes with your present.

When your kids go to a birthday party, do you try and sign their names on to someone else's card/present that you didn't buy? Of course not. You do your own, to whatever value you feel is appropriate.

ElfingHeck · 14/12/2016 17:02

You don't need to tell the rep you can't afford it. Just say, 'oh how lovely, but we've already done our own thing, thanks'. No problem

Trifleorbust · 14/12/2016 17:03

Sorry, OP, I get that you would like to contribute what you can afford. It is a bit silly of them to demand a particular amount. Just send your own card and don't worry.

notangelinajolie · 14/12/2016 17:05

I would not expect to sign a card if I hadn't donated. My children are older now but when they were at primary school I couldn't be doing with being orgainised and told what to do by other mums. My children always made their own card and wrote their own special message to their teacher and all were accepted with a lovely smile. Sometimes it's nice to be different Xmas Smile

DrudgeJedd · 14/12/2016 17:06

OP are you to reply to all the pp asking why you don't just send your own card? Otherwise it looks as if you just started this thread so people can have a pop at the class rep (& the teacher for receiving an expensive gift)

Beardsareweird · 14/12/2016 17:07

I am a teacher and would be truly mortified if parents were encouraged to contribute £5 each as a gift. That's appalling!! Who on earth thinks that this is a good idea?

CockOhDial · 14/12/2016 17:08

I think YABU to expect to sign the card if you haven't participated in the collection, however YANBU to not want to give to the collection.

abbsisspartacus · 14/12/2016 17:10

Parents are being pressured into paying £5 that would fucking mortify me personally

Waltermittythesequel · 14/12/2016 17:12

If the point of it is to thank the teachers, and say happy Christmas, which to me IS THE WHOLE POINT, that is why I want to sign the card.

But they've chosen to do this through a present and a card. A card that is coming with the present, and is indicating who contributed.

So if you want to show your appreciation by just signing a card then do that. But with your own card.

What's the problem here??

Original poster
BigApple11 · 14/12/2016 17:12

I will send my own cards. Thanks to all who have been supportive and helpful

OP posts:
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