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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:
EekAmIBonkers · 15/12/2016 19:02

YANBU at all.

And forgive me if this isn't the case for you, but people who have children really shouldn't put pressure like this when they don't know your private life - for all they know you would like nothing more than to have little faces of your own to look at, at Christmas.

Please work on something to help you ditch any feelings of obligation and make sure you thoroughly enjoy a rare Christmas off. Flowers

Satisfactorylemon · 15/12/2016 19:03

Hmm are you just spoiling for a fight?
As if anything anyone here says will affect ops decision... Biscuit

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/12/2016 19:03

I would think you're mean but not say it and certainly not ask you to swop.

OP hasn't had a Christmas off in 14 years. How exactly is that 'being mean'.

Christmas isn't all just about children either.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2016 19:05

Cross posted with Satisfactorylemon - but that post doesn't answer my questions.

I say Christmas is about FAMILY - not just children. Frankly, if it was just about the children, we'd all stop celebrating it once our kids were all grown up - like mine are. They are 19, 21 and 23 - shall I stop celebrating Christmas? Of course not - and I am sure you won't stop when your children are grown up either, lemon.

You do realise that there are lots of people having a whale of a time celebrating Christmas, with nary a child in sight, don't you?

HelenaDove · 15/12/2016 19:05

Would you just not say anything to the OP Lemon? Or not say anything to colleaugues either.

Because im sure if it were you you wouldnt snipe about it behind her back.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2016 19:06

" I can't understand why someone without school-aged children would ever want to go away in August. Everywhere is full and it is more expensive."

Not everyone goes on a package holiday to somewhere very touristy. I enjoy having August off because of the weather and because it's actually very quiet where I go on holiday in August.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2016 19:11

"I can't think anywhere in Europe would be at its best in August (recalling an unbearable holiday in Rhodes where the temp topped 50..)"

What? Yes, Greece is too hot in August as can southern Spain and Italy be, but there are many countries in Europe. August is best in northern Europe and even down to France.

2rebecca · 15/12/2016 19:12

I don't think it's mean. I think establishing a pecking order for Christmas where the person who weeps and wails most about how they need Christmas off the most is mean. Should whiny selfish people take priority over more stoical selfless ones (it is after all them saying they will miss seeing their kids open presents not that their kids will miss them being there!). Should Christians take priority over Muslims and atheists? What about people with a relative who would otherwise be alone for Christmas? You could argue the latter is the most deserving as they would be missed more than a parent who has other people to celebrate Christmas with the kids.
I think the fairest way is to ask who is happy to work Christmas due to the extra pay and then put the rest in a lottery or rotating rota as was done here. If the Op wanted to work Christmas she would have said so at the start. The colleagues are being really selfish for hassling the OP. I would probably have told them that.
If the OP had been happy

Tapandgo · 15/12/2016 19:21

What is this 'Christmas is about children' mantra? I have children, but before I had them ,and even since they have grown up, I have always enjoyed Christmas. My friends without children enjoy it too. It is irrelevant wether you have kids or not when it comes to time off work.
I'd be seriously annoyed if I was expected to work every Christmas because my kids had grown up.

BusyBeez99 · 15/12/2016 19:26

If asked again don't even give a reason. Just say 'sorry I cant' and leave it at that. Cheeky feckers!

JellyBelli · 15/12/2016 19:28

YANBU and they shouldn't be hassling you, its out of order.

TheCuriousOwl · 15/12/2016 19:29

I have never worked Christmas day because I volunteer to work all the other unsocial shifts so if they wanted, nobody would have to work them. I would do Christmas Eve, Boxing Day and NYE and NYD if I could have actual Christmas Day off.

Everyone thought that was a reasonable price to pay. No skin off my nose, I love working those shifts and the traffic's better!

OP, don't swap!! People with children do not trump people without. You sound very kind hearted. Time to put yourself first for a change.

Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 19:36

Yanbu
If mum makes it to Xmas this will be her last. Loved ones are loved ones. They don't have to be under 18 to be important!

2rebecca · 15/12/2016 19:37

The only thing I'd say against the OP's work's system is that lotteries and randomly generated numbers can be unfair. The same person could be picked 3 times in a row. If I were in charge of the rota I'd exclude the people who were picked not to work the year before (depending on number of employees) to make it fairer as fate isn't always fair.

SquidgeyMidgey · 15/12/2016 19:44

Don't you dare swap your shift OP.

Actually, what isn't fair in this is the way some of your colleagues think they're entitled to something and that you're not entitled to the same. Their choice to have children, their choice to do that job.

mimarbia · 15/12/2016 19:46

YANBU, I used to do a similar job, I was there for 20 years and worked about half of those on Xmas day, I didn't have kids then but I still had a family and wanted to be with them at Christmas, don't let them guilt trip you. Enjoy your time off x

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 15/12/2016 19:48

If I were in charge of the rota I'd exclude the people who were picked not to work the year before

I like that idea Rebecca

Libitina · 15/12/2016 19:57

Another YANBU from me too OP. Enjoy your xmas off.

YorkiesGlasses · 15/12/2016 19:58

Lay it out to them. "I've either worked Christmas or made myself available to work on Christmas for the last 14 years. This year I'd like to spend time with my family." No further explanation, no apology.

Andrewofgg · 15/12/2016 20:36

The only fair rule is to divide up the nights and weekends as equally as possibly - and then allow people to swap like for like. Allow, not bully, demand, expect, lean on them, pressure, require, see Roget for further synonyms.

Whoever was on the rota last Christmas is not this Christmas. Same with New Year: so if whoever is on rota for Christmas has DCs and whoever is on for NYE is without them and they both meet the stereotypes they can swap. If they both want. If not, not.

It's not rocket science but it requires management to treat everyone fairly whatever the nature of their private lives.

Dippydiradoo · 15/12/2016 21:49

Haven't rtft but nobody knows why people don't have children and for some people is a double kick being asked to cover these holidays as 'she doesn't have kids'! My friend in work has had a terrible time ttc I would die before I asked her to work a holiday like xmas or Mother's Day because she doesn't have children.

IJustLostTheGame · 15/12/2016 22:06

Tell them it's fair. You were drawn out of the hat, the draw wasn't just for parents.
Enjoy your Christmas day.

Daydream007 · 15/12/2016 22:08

YANBU. Your turn this time as you have always been kind enough to work xmas. They are incredibly cheeky.

Pilgit · 15/12/2016 22:22

Oh I hate this! Everyone has family and responsibilities towards them. You take turns on a team to work and have time off- it's the job. You've done plenty of turns- they shouldn't take this attitude with you. We take turns -I have children and don't have to work on Christmas but this year will be between Christmas and new year (our office is closed). Don't feel guilty. Don't apologise. Enjoy!

Booboo66 · 15/12/2016 22:38

YADNBU... How would you even choose who to swap with? The rest would be even more put out. Enjoy your first Christmas off in years. Wine

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