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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 10:25

If the guilt trippers don't stop, I'd have a word with your boss. Totally unprofessional behaviour.

MiniCooperLover · 14/12/2016 10:26

Absolutely don't do it OP! You've been hugely accommodating for years, it's your turn now!

DontTouchTheMoustache · 14/12/2016 10:26

If it means that much to others to see their children's wee faces then they can celebrate a day early or a day late. It's not your fault, enjoy spending Xmas with your family

MsVestibule · 14/12/2016 10:28

That's what happens when you choose to enter a profession where you can be asked to work any day of the year. Even before I had children, I used to enjoy spending the day with my parents, grandparents and sisters and would have insisted on taking my 'share' if Christmases if I'd had that type of job.

Pinkheart5915 · 14/12/2016 10:28

YANBU

Having DC doesn't mean they are in any way more entitled to enjoy Christmas and have the day off, They are adults and part of working life means they have to work

You have a life too, You have a DH and family to see, you want to be able to enjoy yourself.

Don't swap, don't work half the shift. Enjoy your Christmas!!

Original poster

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:30

Thank you so much for the reassuring, when I've worked we always had an early/late Xmas. My poor hubbie got sent to his mum n dad's on his Tod every year. I'm quite excited that we will be together Christmas eve and Christmas day.
I'm back to work tomorrow, I know it will probably blow over when they realise I am definitely not swopping. I'm not a heartless cow I do appreciate it must be hard when you have kids and can't be with them that's why I feel bad.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 10:32

I'm not a heartless cow I do appreciate it must be hard when you have kids and can't be with them that's why I feel bad.

If they feel that badly they shouldn't be working in a job that means they might need to work Christmas. It's totally unreasonable to expect people without children to cover for them every year.

xStefx · 14/12/2016 10:32

Aw hun YANBU, their choice to work in that role and they know the requirements. I think they are being really rude. Your better off saying, "so many people have asked me to swap it would be rude to swap it with just one person" so NO!

ToffeeForEveryone · 14/12/2016 10:32

YANBU and your colleagues sound like dicks.

I'd be tempted to report them for bullying if it continues.

user1467976192 · 14/12/2016 10:33

Don't swop, don't you dare, I am in the same position working a job that requires working Xmas. This year two of the parents have kicked off saying they can't do it because they have kids. When asked what I wanted to do I said I was more than happy to do anything except the afternoon because I did that last year and my mum is disabled and would be on her own. One of these cheeky fuckers who can't do anything turned round and said to me "well someone's got to do it"

The sad thing is they got exactly what they want Xmas off and new year morning (even though they can't go out they have children) so there is a lot of bitterness and people looking for new jobs.

ninjapants · 14/12/2016 10:33

YANBU, don't swap. Everyone has family and friends they want to spend time with at Christmas, those with DC are no more entitled to time off than anyone else.
I work in a 24/7 365 days a year job too, this sort of thing often happens. I have a young DC and I'm working Christmas (and New Year) this year. We all have to work when rostered and I don't mind at all, especially as I'll be at home in the morning.
It's disgraceful entitled behaviour from a minority, some of whom I wouldn't mind betting may be suddenly 'unwell' on Christmas Day! (I've seen that happen!)

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 10:34

You're better off saying, "so many people have asked me to swap it would be rude to swap it with just one person" so NO!

No she isn't-the op needs to tell the truth. Her personal life is important. He family isn't lesser because there are no children. Even if she wanted to sit at home and eat junk food all day alone in her pjs.

MargaretCabbage · 14/12/2016 10:35

YANBU. At my DH's workplace if you're fostered on for that day you have to work. Last Christmas was our DS's first but he had to leave to work after dinner. This year he's fallen lucky and will have the day off and his colleague who is working the full day is trying to guilt him into coming in as he only had to go in later last year. If he had been due to go in he wouldn't have tried to change it, we would have just had Christmas on Boxing Day as the children wouldn't know.

Whoever works on Christmas will be missing out on doing something, but they should just be professional and deal with it.

Have a lovely Christmas OP.

Tissunnyupnorth · 14/12/2016 10:35

Wow, it sounds like you have been more than fair with regards swopping the Xmas day shift. Maybe that's the problem, your colleagues see it more of an expectation now, as historically you have always stopped. However, that is not your problem, this time you would like to enjoy the day with your family, as do they.

I do agree with the poster above who suggested having a word with your manager if the back biting continues, it's completely out of order. Hope you enjoy the day that you so obviously enjoy, after giving it up for others in the past!

Tissunnyupnorth · 14/12/2016 10:36

Should say so obviously enjoy!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 14/12/2016 10:36

You have been asked by so many people now that you CAN'T swap - otherwise the previous askers will be more pissed off.

Not that you should anyway.

But if you did, it would totally look like favouritism - unlike drawing another name from the hat.

Enjoy your Christmas off.

RayofFuckingSunshine · 14/12/2016 10:37

YANBU. And they are all being incredibly rude by continuing to ask when you've already said no, you can guarantee they all know you've said no because they'll be talking about it. Respond to the latest message with 'No. I have plans' and repeat until they get the damn message.

Tissunnyupnorth · 14/12/2016 10:37

So obviously deserve! Bloomin phone.

user1470997562 · 14/12/2016 10:37

I used to work on a ward and that included Xmas (all bank holidays) on a rota.

It was actually harder when I didn't have dc in that it would often mean I spent Xmas day on my own as unable to get train to family after shift.

I don't do that type of work now because I don't want to work over Xmas now I have dc. They have that choice too.

But certainly in the early days, we'd just celebrate on Boxing Day instead. Or dc would open presents when I got home at 3ish. It's something you have to accept with some jobs. Fair enough if someone without dc wants to cover (we had a few people who didn't celebrate Xmas themselves) but otherwise, take your turn like everybody else.

I think they're really out of order actually.

missmeg3leg · 14/12/2016 10:39

Don't feel bad, ther's nothing to feel bad about!...I too work in a 365 job & we all take turns in covering xmas, bank holidays etc....your colleagues are being totally unreasonable...

Back in work tomorrow all you say is I can't swop/split shifts as I have plans for the day, end of...

Sorry rant over! 😡

And we'll all expect a Christmas Day post on here to prove you're enjoying a well -deserved work free Christmas Day! 😀

xarpax · 14/12/2016 10:42

Please don't swap. You absolutely deserve the right to enjoy your day. And I have lots of chlidren!!

Dozer · 14/12/2016 10:43

Don't swop. You have no reason to feel guilty and your colleagues' behaviour is inappropriate and bullying: you would have good cause to notify the team manager of the comments, hostile behaviour and texts.

twilightcafe · 14/12/2016 10:45

Cheeky so-and-so's.

YANBU. Do not swap. Enjoy your Christmas!

BadLad · 14/12/2016 10:45

Your better off saying, "so many people have asked me to swap it would be rude to swap it with just one person" so NO!

That's just papering over the cracks. Don't piss about - if you don't want to swap, fucking own it.

Them: I need to swap with you.
You: Tough shit. Did my stint last year.
Them: Won't somebody think of the children
You: Couldn't give a shit.

You're dealing with utter entitlement. Crush it.

Ilovewillow · 14/12/2016 10:46

Don't even think about swopping, sounds like you've been more than accommodating over the years. People with children are no more entitled to enjoy Christmas than anyone else and I say this as someone with small children! In our family due to distance we celebrate Christmas on whatever day or time we manage to get together!

Enjoy your Christmas!

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