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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:
Yamadori · 15/12/2016 17:53

"My family is important to me too"

... and repeat as often as necessary.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 15/12/2016 17:56

Hate this attitude - reduces people without children to second class citizens who become worthy of special treatment once and only if they manage to procreate.

Absolutely icy - it's like saying that the childless are the expendable bachelors who can be sent over the top first in a battle!

Everyone is entitled to a family Christmas every once in a while - in fact, with no children it's even more important that you get together with your loved ones because you don't have the joy oaf an infant's childish wonder to look forward to, so you need to console yourself with getting slaughtered cherishing your parents and siblings / watching the dog eat all the chocolate Christmas tree decorations / hitting the Bailey's Irish Crean while playing strip Scrabble.

Your Christmas - your choice.

Just make a sign saying "I am not swapping shifts so don't ask" and staple it to your tee-shirt.

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 15/12/2016 18:00

YANBU! You have no reason to feel guilty....You have family & need a break too! Do NOT give in! Hope you have a great Xmas!

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 15/12/2016 18:04

Another random extra fact: last year it was the Prophet's birthday on Christmas day and Dad popped out for several hours to go to mosque before coming home and tucking into a roast Grin according to your co-workers I bet that would have RUINED Christmas for me because he wasn't there, RUINED I tell you!!!!

It's the same here Contessa. There are plenty of "Christians" who think that Christmas would be much better if they didn't drag religion into it! Hmm.

People should remember that for many of us it is a religious festival first and foremost, not just an extra opportunity to get ratted and start fighting amongst a pile of wrapping paper and turkey bones.

But obviously having to work or pray round the reason for the Feast just spoils it. Angry

SharkBrilliant · 15/12/2016 18:10

One of my friends has a "bitch theory". It's goes like this...

If you are always a selfish bitch about things then do something really nice on the rarest of occasions, people think "oh, she's nice really, I got her completely wrong".... whereas if you are nice all the time and then say no to something or dare to think of yourself for once, people think "she's a selfish bitch really."

Classic example.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 15/12/2016 18:10

Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't have a family!
Enjoy your Christmas off with your family and never volunteer to work Christmas again!

Wintersnow39 · 15/12/2016 18:11

YANBU I have children and I've never asked anyone to swap if I had to work over Christmas/New Year. I was lucky enought to eventually be able to apply for term time working so I could have Christmas off, it was without pay but I was happy with that.

CotswoldStrife · 15/12/2016 18:13

DO NOT SWAP! Do not make excuses either, if anyone is rude enough to ask. You are entitled to Christmas off and it is none of their business why!

LittleBooInABox · 15/12/2016 18:20

YANBU - having kids (and I say this as a mother, who loves Christmas) doesn't entitle you to the day off.

The one and only year I used the excuse of my kids was when I was a carer, I'd said to my manager at the beginning of December I'd be happy to do morning, afternoon or an evening shift. One. When the rota come in, I was out at 6am and home at 9pm. I called and told her to get them gone, she refused so I handed my notice in immediately. But I felt she was just taking the Cake

Don't swap it. I'd be tempted to send a passive aggressive email round to send all accidentally. "No sorry I can't swap with you, I actually have plans"

End of.

Enjoy your well deserved Christmas.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 15/12/2016 18:20

tbh as your colleague I would ask once if you were up for a swap

I think even that's unfair though, Pink. Supposing every colleague just asks once? Why should the OP have to keep saying no?

DixieWishbone · 15/12/2016 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandsFaceTeeth · 15/12/2016 18:35

Just idly wondering if you decided to join Mumsnet to ask this specific question - or you're a regular Mumsnetter.

HandsFaceTeeth · 15/12/2016 18:35

Oh, and stay strong! YANBU AT ALL!

lalalalyra · 15/12/2016 18:37

Don't swap. I worked in a care home when I was young and at uni. I was basically bullied by colleagues into working Christmas. They did the whole 'my poor children, I just want to see them opening their presents, young ones can go out at new year' bit and I was backed into a corner by colleagues wanting me to swap with a colleague who had a poorly (not serious) child. So I did. Not only was the child too poorly for her to work new year so I ended up doing both (your shift was your responsibility), but it turned out to be my grandfather's last christmas and I hardly saw him on Christmas Day because the late shift person came in late knowing I didn't have kids to rush home too.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2016 18:39

YANBU

Satisfactorylemon · 15/12/2016 18:43

I would think you're mean but not say it and certainly not ask you to swop.
Even if you swop for one parent someone else will be upset. Fuck em they knew the nature of the job...

pollymere · 15/12/2016 18:47

I worked what turned out to be my Mum's last Christmas due to similar colleague pressure. Don't give in. You've as much right to celebrate as anyone.

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 18:53

I would think you're mean

But on what grounds? The OP by her account has several times volunteered to work Christmas Day when she wasn't rostered, and her lack of children doesn't make her any less deserving of a lie in and a leisurely opening of presents, cooking and bad TV, surely?

SnatchedPencil · 15/12/2016 18:53

No you are not being unreasonable. Employers should not discriminate against childless staff (and in this case they are not).

Perhaps there is a fairer way to rotate the roster than "pulling names out of a hat". Alternating through the years, perhaps. But that's not your fault that they use this system.

Don't let them guilt-trip you into changing your plans. Presumably the employees with children know that they will probably be required over the Christmas period. If it is such a deal-breaker for them, they need to consider whether they are happy working in a business/industry where people need to work over Christmas.

In any case, none of this is your fault. You appear to have been very reasonable in the past, swapping shifts when you didn't mind, and perhaps they now take your flexibility for granted.

HelenaDove · 15/12/2016 18:54

Why is she mean Lemon?

Because shes not got living proof that shes had sex without contraception?

DorcasthePuffin · 15/12/2016 18:56

Oh no, I was just about to celebrate a unanimous 7-page YANBU and then Lemon piped up Grin

MudCity · 15/12/2016 18:57

YANBU! Enjoy your Christmas!

Some people really think it is all about them don't they?

Serialweightwatcher · 15/12/2016 18:58

I don't think you're being mean - if you took it off every year and were nasty about it, but you're not being - you've always worked it more or less and you should be able to enjoy yourself too - if someone was that bothered about being with their kids, they shouldn't be in your line of work - presumably other women with children need to be at your work that day so you'd swap with one but others would still be naffed off - you enjoy yourself and don't give them a second thought

Satisfactorylemon · 15/12/2016 18:59

Helena Hmm
Christmas in my view is about children.
I am entitled to feel how i feel arent i? Isnt this the mantra here? I said i wouldnt tell her so or ask her not to.
We were all children once and most of us with normal childhoods would have loved our parent there. Its just a nice thing to do. Thats my OWN view you dont have to agree to it im not trying to persuade you with it im just stating how i would feel.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2016 19:01

Satisfactorylemon is going to have to explain why the OP is being mean for having her first Christmas off in years, having swapped to cover for her colleagues at Christmas on many other occasions. She can explain why the OP does not deserve even one Christmas with her family, having voluntarily worked so many over the past years so colleagues with children didn't have to.

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