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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:
dingdongthewitchishere · 14/12/2016 12:36

YANBU

I have kids, and I still don't believe parents with young children should have priority for anything. It's not fair on anyone, and your colleagues are the reason women are looked down at work. Not having kids does not mean you have any less of a life. You don't need children to want a holiday in the summer!

It's only a big deal if parents make it that way. I have seen both sides, my parents worked on quite a few Christmases, that never bothered any of us. They just organised Christmas differently, we did open our presents together, just at different time.

Your colleagues are silly, you can celebrate Christmas whenever (working around the shifts). It's harder to miss a one-off nativity play, or a sport competition, and even that is not the end of the world.

Have a lovely Christmas. Do not feel guilty.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/12/2016 12:37

What a weird way for your co-workers to behave. I grew up in a Muslim country and my dad routinely went to work on Christmas day (he's Muslim btw) because someone needed to go in. Most of his co-workers were Christian and so appreciated his kindness in this regard, but I think he was grateful to escape us tbh!

We didn't miss him much and just accepted his presence/absence as it came, so surely your co-workers' kids won't be terribly traumatised by not seeing mum for one whole morning.

Random extra fact which amuses me: for a few years it was Ramadan over Christmas and so we had Iftar/Christmas dinner at sunset Grin people make these things work. It is honestly not that big a deal if you have Christmas later than usual.

Another random extra fact: last year it was the Prophet's birthday on Christmas day and Dad popped out for several hours to go to mosque before coming home and tucking into a roast Grin according to your co-workers I bet that would have RUINED Christmas for me because he wasn't there, RUINED I tell you!!!!

specialsubject · 14/12/2016 12:43

Andrea Leadsom thought she was more important because she had kids. Much good it did her.

tell them where to go. And as you see, a large number of parents are telling you the same!

Nineloves1 · 14/12/2016 12:44

YANBU. You have more than pulled your weight, and don't have to work every Christmas just because you don't have children.

They sound entitled. And I have children. In fact, probably too many. Would you like to borrow one as a reason not to work Christmas?

Although I maintain you don't need a reason.

middlings · 14/12/2016 12:48

YANBU.

And I say that as a mother to two VERY excited girls who are 4 & 3!

I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas.

Andrewofgg · 14/12/2016 12:49

myfavouritecolourispurple Some people without dependent children go on holiday during the school holidays to be with grandchildren or siblings' children; others to be at an event which takes place then. When I was single I once had to dig my heels in about taking a week in August to go to the Three Choirs Festival.

OP Stick to your guns. No apologies - no explanations and no guilt.

HarrietVane99 · 14/12/2016 13:00

As Andrew says, special interest holidays/residential courses often take place during the holidays. I go to one which is specifically timed to fit in with both English and Scottish summer holidays.

Someone doing a course with the OU might be required, or encouraged, to attend a residential school, which will often be in the summer holidays, in order to use university facilities.

Not everyone wants a holiday in August to go and lie on a beach somewhere.

Littlepleasures · 14/12/2016 13:12

Something I've noticed about human nature. If you're the type of person who bends over backwards to help others out, the first time you say no, you're criticised for it. Those who always put themselves first, however, seem to get more respect.

Aki23 · 14/12/2016 13:13

Stick to your guns

Ncbecauseitshard · 14/12/2016 13:20

I think if you had swaped it would have caused more resentment with whoever you didn't swap with.

Redesul · 14/12/2016 13:22

I personally think it's really rude to text you instead of asking you to your face.

This sort of thing is part of why I keep my distance from people and don't socialise. My partner is working xmas eve, xmas day and boxing day, plus the week run up. It's annoying, but he will do it without complaining, it's his turn. We have a toddler, but he wouldn't dream of trying to swap with somebody else. At least on xmas day it'll only be 7-3 for him

PlumsGalore · 14/12/2016 13:23

YANBU - it is well and truly your turn. Whilst I do sympathise with the parents of little ones, lets be honest, those of us that have had little ones know that when Christmas morning is really really exciting, then they are are up at 5AM opening those pressies, so still time to get dressed and start work at 8AM.

TinselTwins · 14/12/2016 13:23

I am a parent who works a 365 job, I was a kid whose parent worked a 365 job. Your colleagues need to STOP, and I do think you need to speak to the boss as this is not fair, if they have a problem with non parents having the day off they need to speak to HR or your boss (where they know they'll be told to fuck off politely)

Its a "season" - you can open presents with kids on Christmas eve or boxing day. If they do a job that means they might be working Christmas, and they've made Christmas a thing think that all hinges on a few fixed hours.. well that's on them! Our christmas is spread out: we do immediate family presents on Christmas eve, we do santa on Christmas morning, we do extended family gifts Christmas evening. If I miss one of them there's plenty more Christmas to go around.

gamerchick · 14/12/2016 13:23

Yeah stick to your guns!

Next person who asks say 'look, I've covered Christmas for x amount of years, ITS MY TURN'!

In future take it if your name is pulled out of the hat, you get no thanks seemingly for being too nice.

BringMeTea · 14/12/2016 13:24

Do NOT swap under any circumstances. Your colleagues are bang out of order.

PlumsGalore · 14/12/2016 13:25

Just adding to this, I never ask colleagues to swap shifts, ever. Mainly because I have also found that those that can get someone nice enough to swap a shift take the piss, they then assume whenever they don't want to work late on a Friday they can get an early finish.

If you don't ask anyone else, you owe no one and you just work your own fair share of the duff shifts.

CurlyBlueberry · 14/12/2016 13:25

YANBU at all. As a child my parents (and other relatives, we usually had huge mass Christmases) often missed Christmas Day, or were on call. I actually believe it was good for us kids to learn that sometimes people do have to work on "holiday" days, that life and death still goes on, that it was far better my Mummy/Daddy/uncle/auntie wasn't there because they were helping people, rather than because they were actually the patient...!

I'm now going into a similar profession and don't intend to ask for Christmas off, for the same reason. My kids are lucky, they have a father, they have two sets of grandparents they can go to and be spoiled. Besides which we could always just pick a different day to celebrate on together, teach them a little flexibility.

Cantstopeatingchocolate · 14/12/2016 14:10

My DH works in An emergency service and for 12 years before DS we would swap summer hols and Xmas for those with kids. I did have to put my foot down for this year as his shift of 4 can work with just two so although he was rostered on he has worked the last two Xmas days for others. (It's not so bad as he's home by 4pm on dayshift or just leaving at 4pm on backshift so we can still manage a good Xmas.) And one of the colleagues had last two years off and wanted DH to swap again this year, colleagues kids are teens, our DS is 7.
We are going to my mums on Xmas eve this year, he's not working it this year. It's his turn.

TroubleinDaFamily · 14/12/2016 14:29

The mind boggles.

HelenaDove · 14/12/2016 14:32

The OP probably will get asked to her face...........at the upcoming Christmas party.

OP watch out for it. Being cornered at the party with their attempts of emotional blackmail.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2016 14:46

"I have plans for the day. That doesn't work for me. Please don't ask me again."

SoFeckingCross · 14/12/2016 15:42

I know you've said that you won't change your mind but please please please DON'T

I was that person always covered Christmas (and did nights) because i didn't have kids and would have needed at least 3 days off to visit family.
Always assumed it would be 'paid back'.

It wasn't; it's a bit of a saga involving a terminally ill parent; mine; a new member of staff, 'old' staff members who saw me covering as given, a weak manager and nearly 2 months of emotional bullying when I could least defend myself.

I didn't back down and was in a different job within 3 months, I was too hurt that people who I had covered for; for years and who knew the situation had the cheek to whinge 'it's for the kiddies' why can't you fly on Boxing day blah blah. . .

I hope you don't have the same.........and have a Great Christmas

2rebecca · 14/12/2016 15:47

I've had to work Christmas morning and all day in the past when kids small. We did some presents before work as kids always up really early, some I missed and some the kids saved for my return. There is more to Christmas than watching kids frantically tearing off wrapping paper.

Civilservant · 14/12/2016 15:49

Hope they don't bring it up at the work do!

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2016 15:57

You need to make a general announcement that you've worked 14 Christmas days on the trot and you are not going to swap this year. To be honest, I think the whole swapping culture is fraught with danger - don't you find that you get swamped with people all putting forward a sob story and, whoever you choose, the others will all hate you?

I would suggest you talk to your bus about changing the system next year, because it just isn't fair that people like you should come under so much pressure to swap. It would be better if he worked out some sort of rota system which could also take into account things like school holiday periods and Easter.