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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:
Feilin · 14/12/2016 16:02

My mum worked Xmas eve , Xmas night and boxing night all through my childhood because it was easier than listening to other people ask for swaps . So Xmas eve we would prep dinner , Xmas morning we would play with our toys while she put the turkey on then at an appointed time we with dad would stick on the rest and she would be up to have dinner with us then off to work. Shite but manageable . This yr I'm off I've worked the last two and will no doubt work next yr but I don't mind as it's usually only 6 hrs on Xmas day not as bad as my old mum had it by at means.
Stick to your guns .

ssd · 14/12/2016 16:10

I think its very unfair of your colleagues to badger you like this, stick to your guns.

MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2016 16:51

Cheeky bastards. Ignore all requests.

If anyone still persists tell them you are thinking about it and then say no at 6pm on Christmas Eve. No, not really but tempting.

No is a complete sentence as they say on MN?

jellyfrizz · 14/12/2016 17:02

If their kids are anything like mine they'll be up at ohmygod o'clock so they'll have plenty of time to see them open their presents and still get in for an 8 o'clock shift start!

whirlygirly · 14/12/2016 17:13

Pre kids you really couldn't have paid me to be off in the school summer holidays. I live in a very touristy area and am always a bit gobsmacked when child free colleagues voluntarily book leave then.
It's busy, expensive, gridlock on the roads and the weather is usually shit.

I can't think anywhere in Europe would be at its best in August (recalling an unbearable holiday in Rhodes where the temp topped 50..) and it's insanely expensive- you're often paying several times more than you would have in june.

Anyway, to actually answer the op, stick to your guns. They're putting you in a really difficult situation and their entitlement is no more than yours. Have a really lovely Christmas Smile

dingdongthewitchishere · 14/12/2016 18:08

whirlygirly

to be fair, July/August is the best time for a beach holiday in Spain/ France/ Italy, or a holiday in England even. The weather might not be guaranteed, but it's still slightly warmer than most of the year.
It's not just holidays, so many weddings and family parties are organised in August, it's a busy month for everybody.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/12/2016 18:12

YANBU.

Don't you dare swap Wink You have done way more than your fare share.

Stripeyblanket · 14/12/2016 18:14

Yanbu keep your leave. I am in the same boat with working 24/365 so enjoy your Xmas. I'm off this year and I guarantee I will!!

user1467976192 · 14/12/2016 18:49

I am working the same shift as Santa and doing the Xmas eve night shift. I intend to enjoy the rest of my time off

heavenlypink · 14/12/2016 18:53

Just say NO!

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day
mya83 · 14/12/2016 18:56

1

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/12/2016 19:07

Don't feel guilty, enjoy your relaxing Christmas and don't give your colleagues a second thought. It's unlikely they would swap with you if you were working!

I've children and I'm working Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the 3 days after. I don't care, it's my job and I do it. My children are used to it, we still have fun.

ScrumpyBetty · 14/12/2016 19:49

Haven't read all 6 pages but no, don't swap and don't feel guilty. Your colleagues knew when they accepted their jobs that it would include weekend and holiday work, I appreciate that this is tough but they have chosen their careers and their work environment knowing what it would entail and that it would mean sacrificing some Christmases. It is not your fault that they have to work on the 25th.

XmasSteamTrainsRealAleOpenFire · 14/12/2016 20:13

I've actually just been texted to ask if I'll work half the shift 8 - 1 so they can see them opening their presents.

But, you'll end up doing the whole shift anyway...because that person will phone in at the end of the shift and claim to:-

a) Have forgotten.
b) Got pissed/hungover.

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 14/12/2016 20:23

YANBU. You have a family, too, and you deserve to see them, especially after so many years of working Christmas!

8misskitty8 · 14/12/2016 20:38

I'd point out how many Christmas Day shifts you have done over the years. Just because you have children doesn't give you the right to have every Christmas off.
My dad was a police officer and he would often be fostered on to work Christmas Day. If he got lucky he got fostered a split shift, which meant he worked early morning, home for a few hours then back out again to work in the evening.
He really didn't have a choice. Criminals don't take Christmas off ! Lol.
We had Christmas with mum and sometimes my nana/papa. Dad used to get turkey kept for him and we'd have a special meal another day when he was off.
Enjoy your Christmas. X

AchingBack · 15/12/2016 06:55

Just say no, it's really selfish of them to keep on asking you like this. You may not have children but you do have family and your time with them is equally important.

My dh is working this Christmas Day, technically he didn't have to as he's the manager so could have easily delegated to his team leaders but he wouldn't ask them to do anything he wouldn't do himself. He will have a leader on shift but would rather be there himself to oversee things because they have a high amount of lunch bookings.

He works 3 hours away so will go there Xmas eve and come home to us Xmas day night. The children were a bit disappointed when we told them-mainly as they worried it meant Christmas was cancelled but soon got over that when I told them how I'd planned it for us. They'll open their gifts as normal but can save a few to do when dad is home the next day if they wish, we're going to have a fun day and eat buffet food then have our Christmas Day including full dinner on Boxing Day.

If they work in an industry that remains open over the holidays then they have to suck it up and work it when required.

icy121 · 15/12/2016 07:57

When I started everyone used to say you'll get it paid forward once you have kids but it's just never happened for us. It is probably my own fault for volunteering every year but I realise I definitely deserve a year off for once

Hate this attitude - reduces people without children to second class citizens who become worthy of special treatment once and only if they manage to procreate.

There was a thread a while back about a child free woman who was being walked all over by colleagues with kids who then mocked her child-free status behind her back. fucking cunts! Poor lady was clearly very downtrodden and unable to stand up for herself, god I'd love to help women like that with assertiveness.

As a PP said there's no point in being too nice, very helpful, willing to bend over backwards for people - especially colleagues. Do it once and they're grateful. Twice and they think it's normal. By the 3rd time it's an expectation. So going forward after this display by colleagues I would do fuck all in terms of putting yourself out to help them going forward. Be nice and friendly and all the rest (regularly bring in a packet of custard creams - 79p ever 2 weeks and my colleagues think I'm great!) but if it ever comes to a shift swap to accommodate someone where you don't get any benefit yourself then politely decline. Then no one will expect you to be "nice" to them for their own sake. Sounds harsh but you need to look out for yourself sometimes especially at work - no one else will!!

SapphireStrange · 15/12/2016 17:27

YANBU. Ignore the bitching. Fuck em.

I really hate this sort of thing. For one thing, EVERYONE is entitled to their holidays, important time and memories, whatever form they may take. For another, what about people who don't have children but desperately want(ed) to? Should they work Christmas? Or are they to be treated with more consideration?

BooSurprise · 15/12/2016 17:36

No YANBU, everyone has a family, children or no children, take your turn and enjoy it.

tygarugby · 15/12/2016 17:37

Take The day off your boss should sort it

Dogegg33 · 15/12/2016 17:42

I'm a nurse so many of us are rostered in at Christmas- even if you wanted to sit at home eating a turkey pot noodle it is YOUR Christmas and no one should make you feel guilty!

Postchildrenpregranny · 15/12/2016 17:43

Havent rft but my DD2 is a health care professional (NHS) working in a town 2hours drive from her family (us) .She doesn't have a partner .Because she doesn't have children the people doing the roster assume she doesn't mind working (she's worked the last three Christmases )There is no long distance public transport on Christmas Day .We had Christmas on Christmas Eve last year- took it to her and she went off to work at 8pm-and Boxing Day the year before (drove a 4 hour round trip to pick her up from her shift at 2pm on Christmas Day )This year I am staying the night Christmas Eve and picking her up at 8am on Christmas Day
Fortunately we have few other obligations and are retired and the above is feasible. It would be a nightmare if we had lots of other people to accommodate
She wouldnt really mind spending a Christmas Day asleep after what will probably be a gruelling night shift, but she is then off for 4 days so would come home anyway once there are trains
So no don't feel guilty OP

Tapandgo · 15/12/2016 17:46

Wether you have children or not is irrelevant. It's your turn to be off - enjoy it. Christmas is for everybody to celebrate - not just parents.

puggedoff · 15/12/2016 17:49

YADNBU

I've just qualified as a hcp so I've had the last 3 christmas's off and am working this xmas. I am hacked off as my requests were ignored and I'm working long days xmas day and Boxing Day but I'll suck it up. We're going to have Christmas Day on Christmas Eve.

I had a conversation with another newly qualified yesterday about xmas rota and she told me she went to the ward manager and asked for annual leave over xmas, was told it had all been allocated so would have to work. She told the ward manager if she was rostered on she would phone in sick 😡 So she was given annual leave!!!

I said oh well enjoy it as you'll be working next year and she said no I don't work xmas, I said but it's a 24/7 service and we need to work. She said nope not ever going to happen!!!! Livid is not in it - why train to do a job that requires night shifts/weekends/holidays etc...???